Update

Hey family!  


So you can forward this if you´d like but firstly I just want to say HOW amazing it was to talk to you on Sunday and the joy that filled my heart when for 10 minutes Logan was on too and we were all a family again :)  How joyous will be our reunion.  I wanted to let you know that the call did NOT make me sad or trunky or anything--in fact it gave me more strength, joy, happiness, and everything else you all do for me.  I was crying not from sadness but from gratitude, love, and everything else and especially when Logan got emotional.  How special you all are to me.  I love our family.

So I´m not going to take time to write right now--I´m still not all the way better but the good news is that after 2 days of a 38.5 celsius fever and feeling super horrible haha I don´t have a fever now!  That's the good news.  I´m still weak and feel super hot in my body, etc but know I´ll get better now that I don´t have a fever.  I went to the hospital last night and I think the best way to describe medical service in this country is with the banner Elder Hammer came up with last night: Ecuador: Finding Problems, Not Solutions.  hahaha He was pretty proud of it and it totally describes it.  

Well thank you for your prayers--I want to be totally better like now.  Being sick is never fun but now I can tell you that being sick in Ecuador is the worst.  But I just love the work, love you all, love Eliana and pray I´m 100 percent better by Saturday--if not, I´m going anyway like I did for Marianela and Gabriel haha.  Speaking of which, I LOVE them!  They are so so so neat, huh?  I'm so excited for you guys to meet them.

Well give my love to everyone until I can write a really good email on Monday.  I know you´ll miss my super long, detailed emails til then :) 

Love you so much.  Thanks for your prayers--keep em comin!

Hermana Bryan

Feliz Navidad!!

FELIZ NAVIDAD!!!!  

How much I love you all especially in this season of love, warmth--infierno warmth here in Guayaquil haha, Christ, family, etc.  I love Christmas and I love YOU!  Alrighty this email might be a little bit crazy but disclaimer:  this week has hands down been the craziest week I´ve had in my entire life.  I still have many more crazy experiences awaiting me this week until some things are figured out but here goes!

First of all I forgot to mention last week that last Sunday was the Primary Program and I got to accompany them on the piano--the ward members here really take advantage of that fact so I have been able to attend practices for that, YW program, etc to accompany people.  I love playing the piano!

Listo.  Here goes.

Monday I got taken out by a wooden ladder during zone choir rehearsal and totally skinned my arm and elbow.  It was crazy but the best thing is that Elder Bushnell just kept asking how much I was ok and how tough I was, etc hahaha thank heavens for the nice elders here.

Wednesday we had multi zone conference for Christmas in the hotel at the temple and got to go to the temple!!!  I LOVE the temple!!!!!!!  It was incredible the difference in understanding compared to 5 months ago my Spanish haha.  I love the temple so much and I loved loved loved attending the temple with other missionaries and our beloved President Amaya and Hermana Amaya. Afterwards, we had a  Christmas zone conference which was more like a devotional.  It was wonderful--Pres Amaya addressed us briefly, we got to watch President Monson's part of the Christmas devotional, and then each zone had a spiritual thought and song to present.  Ours was hilarious--the elders hid behind the hermanas doing actions to Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, we had a Santa, an Elf and Rudolph and each of us wore Christmas hats.  Zone Kennedy is awesome :)  Hna Goering took lots of photos and will send them to you, family as I just as of today bought my new camara--thank you!!  Hermana Amaya addressed us and one thing I absolutely loved that she said was that the people we´ve affected have been eternally affected and vice versa.  I love the mission and this is so true!!  I want to be like Hermana Amaya when I´m older.  We had a delish lunch and then had a photo shoot and I am so grateful for and love the relationship I have with the office elders --it makes all the difference in the world!  I feel like they actually enjoy talking to me or teasing and having fun and I think it´s thanks to me being sick for so long that we all developed that haha--also makes the difference here.
Afterwards we went to the office so Hna Palma could talk to President Amaya again and find out what her leaders back home said and when she should return. Well she came out of the office bawling and then Pres Amaya called me into his office to talk.  He started off by telling me that all of this has nothing to do with me and that I´m doing a great job.  He then started repeating the situation of Hna Palma to me but then said that he called her leaders and they told Pres Amaya that she was lying, she isn´t sick, her family actually does NOT want her to come home, that she had plans to leave with her boyfriend to Spain, etc.  WHAT?!!  All of this was 100% exactly opposite of what she had told us.  She also told different things to Pres Amaya than she told us and I was completely taken aback and shocked.  Pres told me that he in no way is going to send her home to be released medically and honorably if she really had been lying all along.  But that one way or another she will be sent home.  What craziness.  I wrote in my journal that I don´t know exactly what to believe but that I was almost relieved for a bit because I always thought something was a bit off because she didn´t have her thoughts or heart or mind in the mission one little bit the whole time and didn´t have the attitude or spirit of the work.  She also didn´t really want to go to the temple and then something told me things are wrong.

So Pres just smiled a lot at me knowingly, as I was smiling and laughing a bit at unbelief.  He told me he felt so sorry I had to go through this and I just laughed and said that this is the mission and he laughed and agreed with me.  He called the parents of Hna Palma and then called me back in smiling super knowingly and I feel really close to him and love that he trusts me and knows who I am and what kind of missionary I am.  He gave me specific instructions to NOT treat her like a poor thing and not be the shoulder to cry on but that we are to work and have patience to see this out.  He thanked me a lot and told me to be in touch with him for anything at all.  CRAZY!!!!¨

Thursday was another crazy day.  During comp inventory for 2 hours Hna Palma talked about everything and we had to give her counsel and I was super firm in some things and had to tell her to beware of her attitude towards her church leaders, to accept responsibility for her actions and feelings, to never think that getting married and starting her own family will solve everything, to not miss church, to do the things the Lord requires and to only and wholly rely on Him.  We told her she lacked faith and relying on the healing power of the Atonement would cure all.  That sounds pretty harsh--it wasn't, but things seemed to go in and out one ear.  It´s incredible how much loyalty I felt to Pres Amaya and how we would defend him to the end.  We then had the rest of the day and night visiting bone doctors, etc with Elder Hammer and another office elder.  Elder Hammer kept kind of smiling and looking knowingly at me of the situation.  I definitely have learned patience here in the mission.  Hermana Goering had a wonderful dinner with the Pres and when she got dropped off, the Pres gave me and her specific instructions to stay up late talking to each other :)  Hermana Goering gave me an incredible compliment and I loved working with her, her support, and the Pres´s support of us two.

Friday at lunch we had an incredible discussion with Hermano Frias.  He totally could see in Hermana Palma what was going on and shared a personal experience from his mission in changing a comp who didn´t want to do anything and spent his time in the mission lying, with a bad attitude.  I couldn´t believe exactly how it related and I know that he shared it because he had the discernment to see what was happening.  She went to the bathroom and he came over and told me to hang in there and if I ever wanted to fast that he would join me.  I felt super grateful for that whole discussion and his support.  The family Frias and family Cruz are really the families we feel like are our family.  I love them and feel so close to them!  Friday was rough with Hna Palma not wanting anything, threatening to lock herself in the bathroom to not leave to preach, etc but then during our comp study and the program study I taught her, us feeling the Spirit so strongly and we cried and she expressed to me what she felt, I was able to tell her that was the incredible spirit of missionary work!  It´s funny because the things I admired in my wonderful trainer Hna Angulo people now are starting to compliment me on, like asking inspired questions, speaking with my eyes, etc it´s crazy but I know the Lord is helping me.  I am like 100% alone here in the sector but thank heavens for the members and Pres Amaya.  The Lord is my strength, and also the love I have for this work and the people, strengthens me so so much.  (Isaiah 41:10)

Saturday was my best friend´s wedding!!!  Thought about them all day and shared with everyone haha.  I opened up with Hna Palma sharing my feelings and experiences and I feel like that helped our relationship.  Highlight of Sat was CRISTIAN!!  I feel like I haven´t felt such joy in such a long time!  He opened up completely and talked to us for a while--a crazy friend he has stole my hymnbook haha weird things happen to me in the mish.  But it´s ok cuz I have the big one.  It was his 27th bday that day and we watched The Restoration with him and the nature really affected him and he felt such calm and peace and told us that when the movie talked about faith that hit him too, like he needs to exercise his faith to believe.  He said he believed and wants to keep coming to church but wants to prepare more for baptism.  Then he kind of sheepishly said that he also feels guilt--feels guilty like he needs to repent.  I started smiling SO bigly and he started smiling too because of my reaction and I told him how happy that made me because thats EXACTLY how the conversion process works and that he really is special to feel all of this so quickly and believe.  He understands and feels and acts--investigator of gold.  I felt SO happy I could fly haha.

But then we got home and Hna Palma forgot all that and started saying she´s going to pack her things and not preach anymore, etc.  She let negativity come in and ruin her spiritual experiences.  gah.  But I LOVE the missionary work and love Cristian and love my married bffs and my fam that´s in Mexico!

Sunday was super hard for me in the morning because Hna Palma packed up her things, her attitude was incredible and I had been so patient but couldn´t take it--it infuriated me because I literally would give ALL I have for the few wonderful investigators we have.  Anyway Eliana came to church and was fasting because we challenged her to do so to finally get an answer and are praying she did!! Cristian didn´t show and I started crying in the bathroom after that (first time I´ve cried about this situation and I felt pretty strong the whole time--so I figured once after all this craziness was ok).  The last speaker at church was from the Stake Pres and it was incredible--such an answer to prayers.  Then after church, Pres and Hna Amaya were actually in attendance at their ward for the first time since I have been here so that was a blessing.  Hna Palma asked to talk to them and Pres Amaya was super super direct and firm with her and she didn´t hear any of it and it was incredible to see and watch. I love him so much and he kept smiling at me. She then went to the members to try to get their pity and support and I was so so mad and didn´t know what else to do--we were at the end of our straws and I felt I should go to Hno Frias.  I asked him for a blessing and it was incredible. The Priesthood is real!  During Hna Palma´s blessing, he told her that she needed to ask for forgiveness and that she wouldn´t finish her mission.  Wow.  We were all taken aback and he sat down with us to discuss the impressions he felt and that there was something she had been holding back from everyone causing this negativity and the Spirit to grieve her.  Yep.  She admitted that yes.  Hno Frias made her realize who I am and what I´ve done from his eyes, made her realize her error and attitude, and expressed the love of the Savior but that the church is true and she can´t live in sin especially in the mission and gave her 2 days and said if you don´t call Pres Amaya I will.  haha wow I love him.  She finally opened up and Hno Frias was a servant of the Lord at the time, and she really for the first time in her life told me how true she realized the church was and the priesthood because of him.  We went home and she confessed her whole story to me and from then on, her attitude completely changed.  She thanked me a ton, felt so much better though nervous to talk to Pres Amaya, but actually wanted and encouraged us to go visit Cristian.  What?=!  Amazing.

We visited Cristian and it was incredible.  He whole heartedly accepted everything about the word of wisdom and I feel SO happy and joyous every time I am around him and feeling of his goodness and light--these are the wonderful people we get the privilige of being around!!  And watching them change!  Wow.  

I called Pres Amaya to set up an appt for Hna Palma and after I got done talking he said, HERMANA...careful!  DON´T believe her.  Be cautious of believing everything no matter how believable it is.  Interesting and we will see.  I´ve caught her in a few white lies today so we will see what´s going on for real when she meets with him tomorrow morning.  I do believe the big part of her story and love that her attitude has changed and she wants to work and wants to laugh, etc.  It makes it so much easier.

I have NO idea what will happen and honestly am just praying we can stay here for the week so I can be with our other familes here singing Christmas carols and having 2 Christmas dinners (one with Fmly Cruz on Sat and other with Fmly Frias on Sun).  But I´m going to make the most of every single moment and take lots of pics in case!  I LOVE being a missionary and testify with all of my being that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is true.  Christ directs His church. Christ lives--He loves us and He suffered for YOU--for your sicknesses, pains, trials, and sins.  I love you so much.  Jesus Christ is my Redeemer, my light, and my absolute strength.  I feel so blessed to be His representative and so humbled. In this Christmas week, I hope you can feel of my love for you and my support. More importantly, I hope you remember and feel of the Spirit and love of our Savior whose birth we celebrate on Sunday.  Come unto Him and live!  

I LOVE you with more than I can adequately express.  I´m grateful for your prayers, support, and everything.  Merry, Merry, Merry Christmas!!!

Love,

Hermana Bryan!

The Lord's Hand

Well Family,

How dare I ever question the Lord´s hand in my life.  I have been very humbled this week by very difficult circumstances and very distinct blessings and just KNOW that the Lord has His hand in my life and in His missionary work.  I´m so so grateful to be His missionary and strive to be more worthy of that calling every day.

So Tuesday we had the incredible blessing of going to the temple!!!!!!  Hna Martinez wasn´t leaving until the afternoon and wanted to go to the temple so Hna Goering and I accompanied her.  What an incredible blessing.  My perspective immediately and completely changed towards Hna Goering and the challenges ahead and I honestly can´t explain it but know it was the Lord blessing me with that.  I felt so content, patient and loved wholly my comps and our experiences.  

Tuesday I also got to see Hna Angulo right before she left for the airport!  She left me two cards--what a blessing she has and will be in my life.  We also visited on Tues night Cristian and his family--WOW.  I LOVE him and his fam!!  We felt so great about them.  The mom has such desire and interest in reading the Book of Mormon and finding out if it´s true and this week told us that she felt all of this was true and it´s something that can´t be found in other religions and she feels it´s true.  Cristian accepts everything but has doubts about the First Vision-Joseph Smith.  He wants so badly to believe but it´s new and surprising for him.  Luckily, the class yesterday was exactly for that and directed towards him and during a video, he started smiling super bigly and we could tell he was feeling something. We have FHE tonight with some young adults and are going to watch The Restoration.  Pray for him!!  and his mom!!

Thursday we had a capacitation meeting with Pres Amaya and the trainers and it was wonderful.  Then we got our comps and my comp's name is Hermana Palma from Honduras but she lives in Nicaragua.  We then had another meeting and it´s always so great to be with him and learn from him and Hermana Amaya.  We waited forever for them to get their IDs and the other sisters and I got to sing Christmas hymns in a public bus terminal haha it was crazy but so fun and great and I had the opportunity to get to know and feel really close to a few other hermanas.

From now on I don´t have specifics because everything else has been a blur but these last few days have been so so difficult.  Starting Thurs night, Hna Palma cried and cried and cried and unloaded everything on Hna Goering and I.  Her experience in the CCM destroyed her--her comp was horrible and literally destroyed her.  She has arthritis and other health bone problems and can´t walk much and after a lot of talking she told us she wasn´t completely honest in her mission papers because she wanted to serve a mission badly so she wrote what they wanted to hear health wise so they would be approved.  She actually received a negative answer to serving a mission when she prayed but came anyway because she had desire.  I can´t even imagine that!  The mission is too hard to not have an answer and assurance to remember that we need to be here. So now she´s regretting it and because of that, has only been able to think of herself, her feelings, and situation.  That´s been the hardest for me--trying to make someone have the perspective, want to work, love the work, think in the investigators and not herself, put her heart in it, have a good attitude etc.  She complains about studying the program and practicing and that kills me because I LOVE that time!  There is so much to learn and that's the time we receive revelation for our investigators and it´s incredible.

Well Hermana Palma has done amazing, wonderful things in Nicaragua for the church.  Her stories are wonderful, super humbling and inspiring.  But this has been so hard for her and told us that she finally felt she got an answer that she has to go back home.  It´s been difficult but also really good for learning.  I know that Hna Goering and I were supposed to be her comps during this time to build her up, listen to her, open her heart, correct her with love, and keep going.  

I can´t even DESCRIBE to you HOW much of a blessing Hna Goering has been in my life.  How dare me for listening to other missionaries.  Wow the Lord had his hand in this whole situation.  He knew how hard this experience training Hermana Palma would be and that I would need extra support during this time.  She is always supporting my words, backing me up, giving comfort, being there as well, having an extra hand but more than anything, she knows how I feel.  She had a hard experience training a sister who struggled a lot with emotional problems and also similar things to Hermana Palma and wanted to go home and actually ended up going home.  Coincidence that the only missionary who had that experience as a trainer was put with me to train my comp?  No way.  The Lord knows everything.  I´ve learned a lot of patience yet actually this experience has made me realize and feel that I am a missionary 100% and my whole being and heart is in the work and the investigators.  It´s been super time consuming being in charge of everything but also great and wonderful to make me realize and recognize who I am as a missionary and how much I LOVE this work and LOVE being a missionary and want everyone else to feel the same way!  This is the best decision I ever made.  The trials don´t stop but neither does the progression!   

Eliana had a baptismal interview and talked about her fears with the elders and didn´t accept.  She doesn´t fully feel or understand or accept and doesn´t want to be baptized.  I started crying when we talked with our ZLs afterwards because that was the last straw of everything and I hadn´t cried a bit in all of this up until Sunday!  Amazing for me especially in the mish haha.  Elder Bushnell was so so concerned and genuinely wanted to help--what a blessing.  Pray for her.  We are at a loss of what to do and maybe she will be one of those that don´t progress but has taken parts of my heart as well.  We cry for the people we LOVE with all our hearts that make the decision to not progress.  

Last night Hna Goering and I stayed up really late talking and it was SUCH a blessing.  She shared the things she saw in me and her feelings of being my comp and we got to tak and share experiences and I am so so so forever grateful for her in these days and for being able to be with someone like her.  It´s fun to have a Gringa for a comp and also INCREDIBLE how focused she is.  She doesn´t even think about the fact that in a few days she will be home!  Amazing.

Well today Hermana Palma met with Pres Amaya and turns out she is going home.  I have no idea why I was called to be a trainer for a week.  I know that the Lord has His reasons and I´m a bit disappointed I can´t train and watch her progress and progress with her and I have no idea who I´ll be with or if Tarqui will have missionaries--kind of like Manta?  haha crazy.  But only can trust in the Lord.

I really love love love being a missionary and feel so grateful for every opportunity the Lord sees fit to give me.  I miss you all tons especially at this time of year but know that at Christmas time that we can reflect on our Savior Jesus Christ and what He gave for us.  Let us give our lives in service to Him and to everyone around us.  Pray for the situation of our area and for our companionship until she returns home.  I am going to keep studying with her up until the moment she goes home :)  I love this work!!  And I love you all so so so much!!!

Have an amazing week and give my love to my best friends getting married this week!  How I wish I was there.

Love,

Hermana Bryan

Hola

Hola familia!

Welp crazy stuff happens in this mission!  First off big news: as of Thursday I will be a trainer!!  Crazy.  i´ve been feeling so much responsibility and stress on my shoulders lately but I know that whom the Lord calls, He prepares and I just have to trust fully in Him.  I want to make my comp feel as comfortable and sure as possible especially because I so remember those new, overwhelmed feelings.

Second news, we had to go to the terminal today because a gringa comp will be with me for the next 11 days until she goes home as well.  Hna Martinez leaves tomorrow and I´m sad--we have gotten along greatly and learned a lot together--she´s an amazing example of a strong woman and I´ll miss her.  I will have to start training while we are still in a trio and to be honest, I´m really nervous. I can´t even express to you how hard this is to accept right now because she is supposedly one hermana that tries the patience of almost everyone here in the mission and she literally acts like a 4 year old--it's just her personality.  Gah the hard never ends, huh?  I´m just praying these 11 days go by SO fast and then I can enjoy my greenie and focus on me and her and training.  Any advice would be amazing.  

On Monday I forgot to write that I was writing from the city Duran--we asked permission to go back there so Hna Martinez could say goodbye to her converts and the members there--that was her favorite area and I have to tell you guys how amazing those people in Duran make you feel.  They are golden.  The area is not pretty at all but wow--the people?  The best.  I was only there for hours but felt so wonderful--there is a great spirit there and I hope I can return someday!

Monday night was crazy--they cut our light and electricity and we had to run around like crazies asking for help and from the members and we had a full house of members in the darkness with my two mini flashlights haha Hna Martinez kept asking if it was Halloween.  Also I forgot to mention we are looking for a house--have been for 2 weeks now under Pres orders and that is SO stressful!!!  We´ve looked at two with the Pres and then Hna Martinez and I have looked at tons and still no.  We found a gorgeous one with a great spirit and neighborhood but it's a bit overpriced and the mission won't pay that...so that's another stress on my mind because we have to move asap.

Wednesday we had Interviews with Pres Amaya!!  It was SO wonderful.  We were able to both share neat experiences and feelings and he asked me if I felt ready to train because he knew I was.  Pres Amaya really has so much concern and care for each one of his missionaries and as a missionary, I can feel that love.  I felt so happy and grateful for that wonderful experience to share with him and this is just an opportunity of a lifetime.  Hna Angulo was there as well because she had last minute changes for one week haha--talk about crazy!  It was SO wonderful to see her like always and wow I´m just amazed at how much we share with each other and how well we know each other--I miss that girl.  We then had a wonderful night--I really felt like we should visit Eliana because we had an amazing district meeting on Tuesday--the most uplifting one I´ve had in the mish and it was all about practicing how to help Eliana.  It was literally SUCH an answer to my prayers and your prayers (thank you for praying!) when she told us she had been feeling little answers to her prayers and we followed heavenly guidance and inspiration during the lesson and she chose December 17 as her baptismal date!  PLEASE pray this doesn´t fall through because she still hasn´t received a 100 percent answer and is hesitant but I´ve seen such a change in the light in her eyes--she is prepared and we left SO happy this day!  Elder Bushnell and Palacios--our ZLs started shouting for joy and pure happiness when we told them haha.

Thursday was our last planning session together and during comp inventory we both cried a lot.  Hermana Martinez bore such a grand testimony to me, shared her whole heart and she is such an example of a strong woman.  She knows what life is about, knows how to work, is simple and accepting and I feel humbled to have had this time to share with her and known her great spirit and experiences.  Also on Thurs we got to help build an Año Viejo--google it haha we were so excited!  The people here build gigantic dolls and paper mache them and then on New Years, burn them and apparently all of Guayaquil looks like it's on fire haha.  The harder the year was, the bigger the doll.  It was awesome and the person building it is Giovany--a 19 year old boy with a heart of gold and just tons of light.  We could see that right off the bat.  He doesn´t have a ton of time free to listen or go to church but we are going to visit him still.

Saturday we met with a reference we received from the elders in another zone finally after many tries of trying to meet with him!  Cristian is 27 years old and just prepared to hear this message we feel like.  We had a great first lesson with him and our leader misional was there and shared wonderful words with Cristian.  He promised to go to church and literally when I was playing the piano in Sacrament meeting and looked down to see him walk in with his member friend from the other zone, I cannot even describe to you HOW happy I felt I thought I was going to burst!  He was so happy there and so smiley.  During the Sacrament I looked down at him and he was praying fervently after partaking of the bread and I just thought to myself, wow.  How many members do this and this is his first time here??  We met with him yesterday too and we feel so excited about Cristian. Keep him in your prayers that he will continue progressing and accept baptism--he´s like a light in our lives right now that we don´t have tons of people in our program!  Also on Sunday I just felt really really really grateful.  I´ve only been here for 3 weeks yet I really feel like some of the members are my family.  I feel really close to some of them and grateful for that.  I know that will get me through sometimes especially during these next 11 days until we are free.

Sunday also we had a rough time because all day we tried to find a way to watch the Christmas devotional and the members spent their whole day trying to find us a laptop with internet as we had to be in our house at 8 when it started.  Well we got to watch part of it but missed a lot and then later found out from our ZLs that we actually did have permission to go but they just never called or sent us a message to let us know that part.  We were so so mad and sad at their lack of courtesy to let us know when they knew how badly we wanted to watch it because we had called them earlier asking for permission to go.  Ugh the things you learn here haha but the part I did watch was wonderful and really hit me that as I won´t really have a Christmas Christmas this year, that doesn´t matter!  I will be just as happy if not more because of the work we are doing here and the blessings the Lord allows us to see.  What a miracle the mission is.

I´ve felt quite a bit overwhelmed at the stress of the area on my shoulders, training--how am I going to be a trainer?!!  And how we are ever going to find a house to live in that gets approved?!  I know the Lord provides but I´ve been feeling overwhelmed and even more so with Hermana Guerring here too.  But have a strong testimony of the amazingness of this work.  I love missionary work and love the Gospel and seeing it lighten people´s lives!

Well I love you all so so much and pray for you every day.  Pray for me, for patience, for my new comp that will come, Cristian, Eliana, and that we will find a house ASAP.  Love you so so so so much!!!  Happy December!!!  As we celebrate this Christmas season, let us remember why we do so.  Jesus Christ lives.  He is our Savior and loves us so much.  He can heal your pain, your trials, and carry you when you are weak but we have to let Him do so.  Make Christ and His light shine in your lives and live in your hearts every day of your lives!  Share the Gospel with those you meet and those you love--when we love someone enough, we realize how much we want them to have the blessings of the Gospel and so we share it.  Love and open your mouths and the Lord will do the rest! LOVE YOU!!

Love,

Hermana Bryan

I Will Not Be Still

Hola Familia!!  I thought of you all so much during this week as it was Thanksgiving there and just a regular workday here but know that you were in my many reasons for why I´m grateful this year.  Thank you for all you do: your support, love, prayers, thoughts, etc.

Also I wanted to say a BIG sorry to the people who wrote me or sent me a package in the last 2 months because this week I got a package with letters from Sept and Oct that they never gave me and a package from the Owens for Halloween--thank you all SO much!  I will try to reply quickly :)

This week I´ve felt the Lord´s blessings in my life--they are always there!  I felt super blessed this week because both Hermana Martinez and I have felt that we have a ton more animo, energy, a good companionship, obedience, etc.

On Monday night we found the Hurtado family--all black family from Esmeraldas Ecuador and they have super fun personalities--remind me a bit of the Alcivar family haha.  They are cousins and brother-sisters living in the house alone because one of their moms died, their dad is in Esmeraldas and I´m not sure why the others are there but they live alone and have to be responsible.  They didn´t keep their commitment to go to church or pray but we felt good about them so we will keep trying!  

Also we started meeting with Eliana--a reference from a sister from a different ward who showed up with Eliana to church last week.  Eliana is so calm, nice and sensitive and the lesson we had with her was honestly one in which I felt the Spirit the most strongly I´ve felt in a lesson in SO long.  It was wonderful.  We feel blessed to know her.  She didn´t accept a baptismal date but we're working with her and know she can be ready so PLEASE pray that she will accept a date this week!  We´re praying for miracles here in Tarqui because we have zero baptismal dates, only 2 people progressing and not many investigators.  It´s kinda rough here right now but we´re always trying.

On Wednesday we had the INCREDIBLE opportunity to have Elder Uceda of the first Quorum of the 70 come and speak to us.  It´s hard to describe how incredible it was and how STRONGLY I felt the Spirit there.  I wanted to bawl and my heart literally felt it would burst--what a blessing it was to hear his counsel, testimony, and everything else he had to say.  It was marvelous.  He has a way of speaking and his voice is penetrating.  The message was superb--he focused a lot on serving with all our heart, mind, might, and strength and we totally analyzed what that means.  He also told us we need to constantly be checking our minds and re-focusing on the work.  That activity this week has helped me a lot--to constantly check and analyze my mind and focus on the investigators, the work, everything here I need to do.  Before he started, he asked us all to row by row come up and shake his hand and introduce ourselves.  Later he told us he likes doing that to see what kind of missionaries we are, to look in our eyes and see if he is able to see the love and light of the Savior through us.  He then wanted to tell us that he really could tell what kind of missionaries are here and wanted to express his love and gratitude for us and Pres Amaya publically.  Wow--good thing he didn´t tell us all that before we stood up to shake his hand haha!  His message and sweet testimony were marvelous and I feel so blessed to have been able to be so edified and walk away with motivation, determination and renewed everything: goals, desire, focus, love, Spirit, etc.

Also, I got to see and talk to Hermana Angulo!!!!  I didn´t even see her until a big blur was running at me and just completely embracing me.  And she began to cry and cry.  I was SO happy to see her too and I think it was so so good for both of us--a needed blessing--to be able to talk, share quick stories and impressions with each other, and recognize how much we missed each other.  What a blessing to have been best companions.  We really do have something special that other companionships don´t and it was such a mercy for both of us to see each other and share that again for a little while.

Wednesday, Marianela and Gabriel called our house.  Oops!  Gabriel apologized for calling but they were super concerned about my health and where I was, etc.  Poor things--they have no one to ask in Manta!  It was such a tender mercy to talk to them--How I LOVE them!

Thursday we searched for over an hour for the house we were going to have lunch at. Haha that was fun but when we arrived we were so happy--it was at the house of two super elderly and super cuuute ladies.  The food was absolutely delicious--turns out she cooks everything with US spices and stuff her sister sends her because she likes it better so that was kind of a little tender mercy for THanksgiving :)  We felt like we were at our grandma´s house.  

Friday was not my day--I fell twice on our visit to the mountain (once on the way up and once on the way down) and kind of messed up my knee--it´s not bad--just that it´s felt different and hurts a bit ever since.  I´m just praying it doesn´t have a lasting effect since many missionaries have knee problems here.  Also Friday night I encountered an experience that Elder Uceda warned us about as missionaries and I don´t want to go into details because it´s not necessary but the adversary is so sly and works in tricky ways that seem super innocent.  ALWAYS keep your guard up!  Wherever you are and whoever you are with--you can never be too careful.  Rely on the Lord always and resist all forms of temptation.  I have a testimony of that!

Saturday night I answered the phone at night and on the other line was a person who asked for me specifically.  Turned out to be Obispo Quimi from Manta!!!  Oops again.  haha I have no idea how he got the number but he told me they missed me tons, asked all about my health and asked when I was coming back.  Obviously Hermana Angulo didn´t explain super well haha.  He told me that Manta needed me and needed missionaries PRONTO! He then proceeded to tell me that Barrio Cordova has a TON of investigators right now who are going to church all on their own but that there is no one there to teach them! WHAT?!!! I was shocked and immediately humbled and I can´t even describe the feelings that filled my heart when he told me that.  How dare I ever have questioned or doubted the Lord. Heavenly Father is SO wise and everything happens for a reason. I now know that it was His will and for a specific, wise purpose that Manta had to have a 6 week break to prove their faith, have the people with real desires show up and have the ward rely on each other and help the investigators until missionaries arrive.  Obispo told me to tell Pres Amaya but I can´t do that!  Haha I can´t ask for a change so I told him he needed to call Pres Amaya. My whole heart and soul is bursting to know what is going to happen and I´m hoping he calls President but I also am so humbled and grateful to Heavenly Father for answering my prayers and for that miracle of taking care of the investigators in Manta.  I know I need to be okay with staying here if it´s the Lord´s will but I can´t help to wish with all my heart that somehow my heart's desires and righteous desires since the beginning of this transfer will be realized.  But I trust in the Lord!

Sunday we got to share the musical number Come Thou Fount (every area I´ve been in we have sung this haha) and I played the piano, a young adult accompanied on violin and Hna Martinez with 2 ward missionaries sang.  I love music!

Well this work is such a privilege and blessing.  I´m humbled every day by the Lord and His love and wise purposes.  He loves you!  He knows your needs and sometimes although we have to wait on the Lord, if we wait patiently and wait well, He will bless us always.  It is an eternal law and the Lord always keeps his promises.  I love you so so much and pray for you every day multiple times.  Be careful in all you do and rely on the Lord--He will take care of the rest if we do our parts!  I´m still praying for patience, charity, and striving to be better each day and just feel humbled that in all my weaknesses and mistakes, the Lord sees fit to help me learn and grow here in the mission.  Jesus Christ lives and He suffered for us.  If you are struggling, know that this won´t last forever!  Feel His love in your life to get you through and learn from every struggle.  I love you!!!

Love,

Hermana Bryan

I love these words of a song by Kenneth Cope--hence the title of my email.  I feel similarly.

love you!!

"I've never been the kind to testify--I don't have the words His truth deserves.  It's a simple thing He asks--a worthy heart and willing hands.  He says if I'll make the choice, He'll help me find my voice.  He calls me to serve and I cannot fail Him.  The one who has given me all l that I have.  I place my trust in Him alone, He knows the yearnings of my soul. Because He believes in me, I will go willingly.  How can I keep this gift to myself, when I can lift somebody else?  I am a witness of His miracles and His mercy.  I put my future in His hands knowing He's made me all I am.  When I put my faith in Him and truth begins to speak, His power is real.  It moves me until I will not be still.  Lifting the hands that hang down in sorrow.  Strengthening knees that bend in despair.  Reaching the hopeless hearts who do not know His love.  Seeing their lives begin to change.  I know I'll never be the same.  How can I keep this gift to myself, when I can lift somebody else?  I am a witness of His miracles and His mercy.  I put my future in His hands.  Knowing He's made me all I am.  When I put my faith in Him, the truth begins to speak.  His power is real.  I trust in His will.  I will not be still."

Don't Stop Believing!

Well family I love you SO much!  Haha I don´t have a ton to say today but just have lots of love for all of you family and friends.  HAPPY THANKSGIVING this week!!!

Tuesday we had our Zone meeting and one of our Zone leaders Elder Bushnel is exactly how ZLs should be!  He is just super smiley and wanting to motivate people and willing to do whatever it takes.  We had to wake up the Zone again and tell them to participate and act excited--they always look so dead in whatever Zone I´m in it seems like haha!  Also big news I couldn´t believe it--Elder Caal is following me.  He got transferred the same week I did and is in my district.  WHY. hahaha  his companion is Elder Flores from my group (we entered the same time) and this week we got to talk to him during baptismal interviews and wow I just feel blessed to know him and have contact with him.  He has so much light and love and in his quiet unassuming way, makes everyone feel comfortable, happy and laugh.  I want to be like that!  We should all strive to be like that!  He is 26 so knows what life is like and the opposite side of the spectrum being inactive and returning but shares that he has no doubts now.  Anyway we were so grateful to have had that light in our lives that day to motivate and uplift us.

I was served soup with chicken heart but took it out and put it in a napkin when the Hermana left because I really had no desire to try to eat that after being so sick for so long hahaha.

Wednesday we had Ward Counsel and at one point we were all busting up laughing and laughing talking about me sleeping on my first Sunday in their ward and their different jokes and commentaries and I gave it right back.  This ward is really ahead of the game.

Thursday the girls had their interviews and were so so happy and our DL was so excited after talking to them about how ready they were.  Thurs was kinda rough in having to push Hna Martinez--it's hard at times and frustrating but I´m accepting it.  I also let her know of my goal to not let go of my obedience and we made the goals from then to help each other be exactly obedient and when I mentioned that, I think she realized it too and ever since then, things have been a lot better.  Still a bit frustrating but she shared that she is aware of it, just struggling with how to handle and accept all the emotions she has finishing her mission.  Poor thing she is very unassuming, accepting, and relaxed.  She shows a lot of love to everyone here we visit.  I ´ve been really trying to work on patience, love, and happiness.  This area is HARD.  It is the hugest area of hermanas in the whole mission.  We have more territory to cover than many areas put together.  The sun is hotter than I ever even thought possible to feel here.  We walk forever and don´t avoid climbing mountains.  A few people have been sent home from problems with their knees that's how bad it is sometimes! So needless to say I am thoroughly exhausted every single day.  But I am trying to not let that affect my mood and attitude and especially patience.  It´s hard at times for all of us to overcome the natural man especially when our spirits are so willing and wanting to work and be happy and full of love and excitement etc.  But we can do it!

Saturday was the baptism of Jakeline and Alexandra.  It was so special and the ward members were so fellowshipping and welcoming and even performed a surprise musical number after we did!  It was so humbling because we combined with the elders of another ward who had scheduled a baptism at the same time. Thank heavens we did because not a single person showed up for their baptism--not even the bishop.  They wouldn´t have been able to do anything and the amazing woman who was baptized can barely walk--we all had to help her.  It was a tender mercy from the Lord for all of us and we felt SO sad and badly for the elders and the woman and that made us really realize how blessed we are. The Lord is so giving and I feel so undeserving at times.  The girls are so excited to be members, know the church is true, and just are full of light.

Sunday was hard for no real reason for me but I was pretty emotional.  We last minute got assigned to teach both hours of classes but during Sunday School we all shared experiences about the scriptures.  Hermana Martinez and her experience really touched me and also made me miss the people in Manta especially Soheil and his light and the fact that he has no way to progress right now.  However D&C really touched me and I KNOW the Lord provides.  We have to trust in Him fully, with all we have, and I know He has a plan for us.  Things will work out exactly as they should.  I feel so humbled to be here with all my faults and my weaknesses but am so grateful I have this chance to learn and grow. The Lord is incredible, loves us, loves YOU completely and knows of your needs.  Let Him help you.  Turn to Him and He will give you comfort, peace, and let you feel of His love.

I am so thankful for you, family and friends and your love and support in this season of gratitude.  Know I pray for you daily.  LOVE you!! 

Hermana Bryan 

A few scriptures to read: 3 Nephi 5:13 and D/C 78:17-18

The Refiner's Fire

Well family,

I can´t even begin writing this email without my eyes filling up with tears and my heart dying a little bit inside.  You can call me dramatic if you want haha but anyone who knows me knows how much I feel things :)  So I will start with this crazy week full of change.

Monday we were pretty much left alone to fend for ourselves and Hermana Angulo and I sat in a park and talked and talked and swung on the swings.  We could cry together, laugh, etc.  We got back to the house to 9 missed calls from the assistants and when I called them back, they informed me that I had transfers.  WHAT!  It´s the middle of the transfer and then they also told me that I would not be going back to Manta to pack my things but that Hermana Angulo with Hermana Martinez were to travel to Manta, pack my things, and return.  I was shaking and just accepted what the assistants said--it was like a bucket of completely ice cold water dumped on my head!  Hermana Angulo just grabbed me and let me bawl on her shoulder.  I cried and cried and then quickly wrote a few letters to send with Hermana Angulo.  I spent the rest of the day talking with Hermana Merida and she is the perfect person to have been with in that situation. We have similar personalities and she distracted me, we talked, etc.

The news was so so hard for me.  I felt and actually still feel like I have unfinished business in Manta and want to go back with all of my heart.  We finally had an amazing program with people progressing towards baptism, a ward who wanted to support us, etc.

I called Soheil to let him know and he was so so sad.  He just kept saying, NO! Hermana Bryan, no!  That´s it, I´m coming to Guayaquil then haha.  Marianela and Gabriel didn´t answer on Monday and I was just so sad and wondering if this was the reason I got sick.

Tuesday I woke up and felt like being asleep was better than reality--weird how it was kind of similar to how I felt before leaving on the mish--so many mixed emotions!  Hermana Merida and I talked and shared scriptures and stories, learned, and laughed together the whole morning.  She is wonderful!  It was truly a blessing to have her with me.  Then, the hermanas arrived and told me everything.  Hermana Angulo then was back and the other hermanas left again to their area.  Hermana Angulo was able to find every single person in their house to tell them the news, drop my letter off, etc. just in 1 hour!  She said that Soheil couldn´t smile.  He was so so sad.  Gabriel was the same and she said his face was so sad she wanted to give him a huge hug.  I guess on the way to the bus, she found Gonzalo (the man who was going to read one hour a day of the BOM) and that he got extremely sad.  He told her NO!  I´ve been reading every single day and have so many questions.  It killed her to leave him and it kills me that we have people ready like him just waiting in Manta!  I got to call Marianela and Gabriel and Gabriel was so so sad--he told me that this unexpected change was so so so hard for them.  They are used to us and he told me his daughter has been crying and asking everyday for me.  Then, Marianela got on the phone and was just crying.  She didn´t want to hang up the phone and like 4 times went to hang up and then started talking again.  Allisson was crying in the background and tried talking to me for a bit, etc.  I cried, gave them my love and told them how much I loved them and how much my heart was broken but how happy I was that they are strong in the light of Christ, and told them to maintain their strength, to maintain their goal for the temple, etc.  They are incredible!

I just felt so responsible for all of these seemingly bad changes becuase I got sick and just wanted to go back.  I know how hard this is for them and for me and how fast this change was!  My heart literally hurt so so much and Tuesday afternoon, I cried harder than I have cried in years probably.  I can´t remember the last time I was like that--it was bad.  Mom--don´t worry I put cucumbers on my eyes afterwards haha.  Luckily, Hermana Angulo and I could talk, cry, share experiences, remember, cry, etc.

I got all trunky for Manta at nighttime and looked at all my pictures of the mission and I need to tell you the feeling that came over me as I was doing so.  I can´t express to you exactly how strongly I felt but I just felt SO incredibly grateful for this experience to be in the mission.  Words can´t describe a mission but it is such a privilege.  SUCH a privilege and an opportunity of a lifetime.  If you have the opportunity to go on a mission, know how hard it is but KNOW that you won´t ever be able to do anything better in your life!  It´s so worth it--everything!  I felt so incredibly humbled to have known and loved and shared that love and joy of the gospel with Manta and my beloved people there.  Serving a mission is hard but I just can´t describe how much I felt gratitude to my Heavenly Father for this time that I´ve had and the wonderful experiences I´ve had thus far!

D&C 6:36 helped me a lot--read it!!  Trust in the Lord and doubt not.  I´m working on that always!

Wednesday we had our last day in the house to cook, learn, share experiences, etc.  We made a big dinner and ate outside and had fun because I had a feeling it would be our last night together as comps for me and Hermana Angulo.  I felt ups and down this day but only could have faith, hope, and trust in the Lord like always.  I thought being sick was a challenge but this change and transfer proved to be the challenge that hurt me the most and is the most hard to overcome.  But that´s how our challenges come!  And the Lord is preparing us for things ahead in our lives.  I need to plow in hope as Paul says and as I was listening to More by Kenneth Cope, the words hit me like never before that the Lord is requiring more and more of me every time and each time I think there is no more left to try or test, there is.  He requires our all!  There is more and more of me to give and He wants me to give of myself in my new area.  I know there is a reason for this and have to trust in the Lord it´s for something!  

They called to tell me that I would be staying here in this area with Hermana Martinez and Hermana Angulo would go to be with Hermana Merida.  The funny thing is that all 3 of them return home in 3 weeks.  Also, in 3 weeks 7 hermanas arrive and that leaves almost all of us with the responsibility to train.  Before I got sick, this area was going to be closed down in 3 weeks when Hermana Martinez leaves.  I was going to stay in Manta obviously, etc.  However, Manta right now is closed because we asked the assistants.  He said there aren´t enough hermanas so for now (these 3 weeks) or really all of this change since we´ve been here, there won´t be and haven´t been hermanas.  Hearing that news actually made Hermana Angulo and I laugh and smile and jump for joy because at that specific moment I felt like the Lord had answered my prayers and that in 3 weeks when Hermana Martinez leaves, this area will be closed and I will be able to train in Manta where I know the area and the people, etc.  It was such an incredible, joyous feeling!

BUT now that I´m here, I have no idea if that is true or if in 3 weeks or less I will be bringing my trainee to this area and figure it out with her as well since I don´t know the area well at all!  Anything is possible in the mission and I just pray every single night that the Lord can know of my good desires and know of my heart to serve with all my might wherever I am called but that if at all possible He can grant that miracle for me to return to Manta.  I don't feel like it is wrong to ask that because I know it is His will when all is said or done, but I feel like I've gone through so much this last month or so and it's only been harder and harder, and that if I give my all and accept this trial and learn from it, He can grant the desires of our hearts and perform miracles if it is His plan.  Anyway, I pray that can happen.  If so, man that will be super hard for my poor new hermana as well as me to figure everything out together as well as train!  But the Lord provides and we have to trust in Him!  We will find out in a few weeks!

The quote getting me through is by Pres Monson--"Fear not.  The future is as bright as your faith!"  So true!

My comp Hermana Martinez is from the campo in Paraguay and is convert of 5 years.  She´s great!  We aren´t super alike but she´s so accepting, loves everyone, super strong in strength emotionally, etc and just real.  She has been having a hard time staying focused even though she doesn´t want to go home! She´s trunky and it´s been hard for her to work etc but this change I think was meant for her.  Because I don´t know the area, she has to kind of step it up from before and I feel badly she has all the weight on her shoulders again, but I try to help with the people I have met and we are trying to work!  I just need to maintain my habit with Hermana Angulo of obedience and hard work and try to make sure we do everything we can.

We have two wonderful investigators who will be baptized this week--Jaquelin and Alexandra.  They live on the top of this mountain we have to climb everyday if we want to visit them or other members that live up there.  To be honest, I have no idea how the first missionaries even had the idea to look on that top of the mountain because it is crazy!  We are so winded every single time haha it´s literally a huge mountain but they are wonderful!  18 and 15 years old, so innocent and with great smiles, and their family is extremely extremely poor but they don´t let anything get them down.  Their situation is so so humbling and I feel privileged to be sharing time and love with them.  On top of the great hill also lives Moncerrate--a grandma of some members who has bone disease and can´t get married because of paper legal problems and so hasn´t been able to be baptized yet.  She wants to but because she can´t, accompanied the girls Jaquelin and Alexandra--her neighbors--down the mountain and on the buses to church and back.  I can´t tell you how much that meant to Hermana Martinez and how incredible that is.  If you could see the mountain and the struggles it is for us not to fall or slip going up and down and imagine an old woman with bone disease doing that to go to church when she can´t be baptized, you will understand. Incredible the faith and determination of these children of God!  The ward was so so accepting and welcoming of me yesterday and that meant a lot.  It´s still hard for me but I just try to forget myself and focus on the work and these people and I am trying to make myself feel that I am here and all of me is here and not in Manta!  The ward members are super strong here----Hermana Martinez says not compared to other areas---but they should have seen Manta.  They have tons of programs, classes, callings, etc and the missionaries only have to focus on teaching.  In Manta we had to do most everything and finally the ward was starting to help but it´s interesting to note the difference and even though the other missionaries don´t recognize it--they are blessed and stronger here!  

I can´t help but think that this 6 week break from missionaries has made Barrio Cordova in Manta reorganize some things and perhaps rely more on the strength of the members rather than us.  Maybe that was another reason for the change!  I have such a curious mind and am always thinking of possible reasons haha I will probably never know exactly but know that all these are little reasons and that the Lord knows all and will have everything go according to His will and plan!

Welp I´ve been out for 4 months and will be returning in 1 year and 3 weeks--that is so crazy to me.  Funny but I was praying while I was sick that they wouldn´t send me home.  As much as I miss all of you that it hurts sometimes, I have things to do here still and LOVE being a missionary!  It´s so hard emotionally and physically but man what a blessing it is to be here--I am always just so humbled.

President Monson has said that the Lord will shape the back to bear the burden placed upon it.  He is shaping mine and will shape yours--we just need to trust completely in Him and His purposes!

I love you all so so much and can´t tell you how grateful I am for you.  Please thank Uncle Jorge, Papa and Odie for their weekly emails and inspirational stories that uplift me so much, Alexa for her cute email, and Brooke.  I love you all and will write you! 

Love so much,

Hermana Bryan

Keep Moving Forward!

My "sick" face and the Cookies we Made!

Hola familia!!  

Well this week we thought would be different and we would be back in our areas working in the labor of the Lord!  BUT...He had something different in mind and I am still here in Guayaquil--though not as bad as before.  

Tuesday--I couldn´t take it any longer and sent a text message to our investigators and converts and it was a true miracle because like 10 minutes later, Marianela and Gabriel called and it was SO wonderful to hear their voices and their laughter and concern for us--they miss us tons!

THEN--Soheil called and he told us how concerned he had been for my health, that he had been reminded constantly of us and the kicker----HE HADN´T SMOKED OR DRANK IN 7 DAYS!!!!  What?!!!  Let me tell you that before, he has tried to quit and cut it down to one or two a day but that's the most he´s been able to and he hadn´t done any of that in one whole week since we hadn´t even been in Manta to see him!  That was a definite answer to our prayers and a direct confirmation that the Lord will take care of everything.  Also Marixa texted us back and said she had missed us and would wait our return--she´s so great! Even though I felt super sick this day--those bits of news and answers to prayers were miracles to us!

Wednesday--we waited for hours at the lab to bring my labs and exams in and then Hermana Angulo got really sick and we had to go to the emergency room for her!  It was ridiculous how sick we were this day and also how alone, down, and frustrated we felt with many situations.  I felt super down and had to rely on the Lord and prayer and then Hermana Martinez came in the room and it was a tender mercy to talk to her until late into the night.  She is a wonderful, humble, down to earth person from the campo in Paraguay!

Thursday--I felt good enough to study the Ensigns and scriptures like all day.  I never thought I would not get sick of studying church material all day but I literally felt a hunger and desire for the scriptures and the lessons we can learn from them and I LOVE feeling that way!  It´s incredible the difference it can make in your life and the whole new meaning the scriptures take in your life.  I also got to cook a bit and talk to Hermana Angulo who was way down.  I had lots of time to think, learn, reflect, and realize important things for me in my life and about others as well.  Humility and patience is so important!

Friday--I thought of Jess´s bday all day haha!  Not much was different about Friday other than one of the things I was thinking about struck me as interesting. The word for hope in Spanish is esperanza.  The verb that means to wait is esperar and a state of waiting is espera.  How closely related the words of hope and wait/waiting are in Spanish.  And how true that actually is--those two words and actions in our lives are intimately related.  When we have hope, we are waiting for things to be fulfilled in our lives with faith, optimism, etc.  When we wait, we need to have hope otherwise our wait might be in vain or we will go crazy or be super down the whole time and waste our time of waiting, instead of learning a lot while waiting with hope!  

Saturday--I trimmed Hermana Angulo´s hair which was an interesting experience but fun haha and we made lunch for us and Hermana Merida and Hermana Martinez.  After that I felt super sick and then felt way way down.  Satan has a way of making us feel badly when we want it the least.  It´s amazing how much comfort one can feel in true, heartfelt prayer and I learned so much this day personally.  I also had more tender mercies when Hermana Martinez came in and gave me a huge hug and told me how much she loved me and Hermana Merida came in and talked to me for a long long time.  It has been an absolute blessing to get to know those hermanas and a strength when we have needed it.  I also learned a TON this night and had been feeling pretty badly about some things personally and with our companionship with Hermana Angulo and really late at night I went out to where she was looking at the sky and we ended up talking for hours.  I learned so much about the importance of approaching things with understanding even when you don´t understand, approach things with love, pactience, and acceptance.  I learned through this experience that in reality in close relationships like marriage or mish companionships  hard challenges you both face can either bring you together or completely tear you apart.  I learned that it is important to handle these situations, communicate needs, and how we can help each other mutually instead of separately trying to maintain our strength. When we recognize that we are actually drifting apart in hard times, you need to talk, fix it, start again with determination to help each other even though you both are struggling, to lift each other, set goals personally and how to help each other, etc.  It´s amazing that the adversary tries to tell you to work things out separately because you have no more left to give to the other person and one of you has to be strong, etc.  The Lord´s way is so much better and in hard times, I testify if you work with your pair or spouse or best friend or companion or roommate and support each other, communicate, set goals, share the things you learn and are feeling, etc. then you both will be strengthened and edified and the adversary will have no power over you.  I was so glad I listened to the prompting to talk to her and figure out what had changed and that she had felt badly that she had no enthusiasm and felt like she had no more left to give to anyone including herself and we were able to communicate needs, feelings, strength, testimonies, and set goals to improve.  I literally felt married for a second and felt glad that I learned this lesson through experience of the importance in times of trial to go through it together!

Sunday--we were able to enjoy each other´s company, sleep, talk, share more experiences and try to overcome the world in our little house with our studies haha.  We were able to cook lunch for all 4 of us again and then went downstairs to a member´s house to beg their oven so I could make pumpkin chocolate chip cookies with the ingredients Mom sent me a while ago!  It was so great to bake for a teensy bit and share that with the other hermanas.  We played a game with all of us when they finished planning and then got word that they have to go to their other area for a while until further notice so we had to say goodbye to them this morning which was sad!

I got word of who my new companion supposedly will or was going to be and it is an Hermana from Honduras from my group!  Hermana Romero and she and I got along really great when we first got here--we both are excited to work together if we can ever go back to Manta haha.  No I have faith and hope that this week for real we can return and work.  This week has been a challenge and a blessing to learn so much and think and reflect a lot on things of the Gospel and we are so blessed to have the truth in our lives!  Also, challenges can be a blessing if we learn to have a crucible perspective--that we are being refined for something ahead in life.  If we can remember as President Monson said, that ¨The Lord will shape the back to bear the burden placed upon it,¨ then we can maintain that perspective and learn and grow.

Logan´s email inspired me SO much this last week and I really have the best brother in the whole world--the best missionary ever.  All of your emails and thoughts and prayers help me and lift me so much--thank you all!  Being on a mission is the hardest, most wonderful, best thing I´ve ever done and I feel so so humbled beyond belief to be here and have this growing experience.  We can never give more than the Lord blesses us with. 

I love what President Eyring said: ¨To be called to serve is a call to come to love the Master we serve.  It is a call to have our natures changed.¨

My nature is being changed.  I am humbled and feel so much love for my Savior and for this Gospel and for the opportunity I have to see the light of the truth and the Gospel and the love of the Atonement change people´s lives and hearts and marriages.  It is a miracle and we are part of this miracle!  Such a small part of it but the Lord can work through small, weak, humble means.  That´s how I feel and I hope that this week I can return to seeing those small miracles.  For now I am enjoying learning SO much about the Gospel and about myself personally and everyone around me.  I can´t desribe what I feel really or how much this Gospel and the mission means to me now.  I KNOW this is the truth.  I know that Heavenly Father answers our prayers and that there is a reason for everything in this life.  I know He has a plan for each one of us and sends us small miracles everyday.  Look for those and recognize those and most importantly, give thanks for those miracles!  Jesus Christ lives and He loves us so much.  Take upon yourselves His name, use His Atonement and share His light and love with everyone around you.  Thank you for your blessing in my life--I love you so much!  I´m praying for you everyday--thank you for your prayers for me.

Til next week with love!!

Hermana Kenna Bryan

Mom and Dad:  I hope you know how much I love you--I felt badly last week I couldn´t explain more--these comps are so dumb but Dad I did experess my desire to do the exams and did them so I am hoping for results!  I was sad to hear about Erin, your YW but loved your advice to her and know she will be blessed for her obedience.  CONNIE ROMERO!!!  Holy moly--what a blessing!  I started tearing up and loved loved loved hearing about her and your experiences with that--keep me updated.  Dad, I have loved your experiences with reading Divine Signatures and want to read it as soon as I´m back--it sounds incredible and I love the thought of looking at trials and experiences that way as well.  Signed by the Lord for us personally.  I loved Maggie´s mission experience--what a miracle--I cried.  Also I LOVED LOVED LOVED hearing about your man cookoff Dad and Dallin!  Hahahahahahahahahaha I laughed out loud and just smiled and smiled that I have the best, most funny, most awesome family in the whole world.  Way to go you beasts!  Mom, yes I got Ramon´s email from Papa and what a blessing and miracle!  Please let Papa and Odie know how much I love them and appreciate their emails to me and I will write them soon. Love you more than I can express!

Dallin:  I accept your short emails but don´t make them any shorter k? haha dang 9 pounds?? Please don't become a flipping stick you beast!  I need your personal training when I´m back.  Move up to Utah so we can live together and beast it up ok?  Also I´m so sorry about the dry socket--I really hope you are feeling better and it heals soon.  You are in my prayers always buddy.  Share your love of the Gospel with your friends and be the example of Christ I know you are.  You are the best 15 year old I know and I´m so blessed to have you as my brother and example and friend and hilarious dance machine.  Love you!

Logan:  Your emails have inspired me this week as I have read and reread your words and amazing expressions of your love of the Gospel and missionary work. How blessed and intelligent you are--you have a way of expressing yourself that is truly beautiful and the Spirit is SO strong in your words and emails--I can´t even imagine how much it permeates your investigators!!  I have been praying for you and Elder McKay this week a ton and somehow knew it would be challenging for you but that you would learn and grow and become more united and have the strength and energy to keep going.  I hope the snow doesn´t affect you guys too much--how is that?  Also what was up with the commentary of Elder Washburn and my address hmmm??? hahahahaha love you so much--you are in my prayers always.  You are my hero.

Welp

Hola desde Guayaquil!

Warning: this email might be the most boring or random email you will ever read

This has been my 11th day of imprisonment or quarantine haha and to sum up our experiences since last Monday:  a bus trip to Guayaquil, 3 attempts at blood work, 2 blood exams, 1 migraine, 1 injection for migraine, lots of supposed prescriptions for meds that will cure me aka Vitamin C and Tylenol, lots of visits from the elders that made our days, a visit from the President, and tons of time to think or occupy our minds enclosed in the prison house in Guayaquil---I think we can go back to Manta tomorrow!!

Tuesday I was really sick in bed all day and finally at like 10 pm our Zone leaders brought us food--a bunch of American junk food (we have 2 gringos now as ZLs) and gave me a blessing.

Wednesday we found out we needed to go to Guayaquil because I still felt pretty sick so we ate lunch with Marianela and Gabriel, packed our bags, cried a lot because it was our last time leaving together as companions, and headed to Guayaquil.  4 hrs later we arrived at the emergency room and the elders were there to meet us!  We waited forever and I got to talk to Elder Hammer for a long time--it's super strange how much gringos make me feel better or at home haha. They took my blood again, I had 3 injections and a migraine only to result in---nothing!  More vitamins and tylenol haha.

Thursday the elders brought me my Halloween package which was way nice--the house in Guayaquil has bars all around it and really feels like a prison!  I felt super sick Thursday and felt so so badly for Hermana Angulo and for complicating the mission and all of the transfers of the hermanas.  But I also felt so alone and like no one understood how I felt--at fault for all of their poor situations as well!  I wished Dad a happy b-day like all day in my mind and hoped Dallin was doing alright with his wisdom teeth!  Hna Angulo and I had a candlelight party on the balcony of the house and just talked--trying to feel freedom!

Friday I was super sick again in the afternoon and I prayed really hard this day. The 2 other hermanas came home that happen to be from Hna Angulo's group and stayed until Sunday (they are working in 2 areas right now--crazy!) 

Saturday the area Doc called me--he´s from the States and only 1 week into the mission and it was SO great to talk to him!  He made me feel a lot more at ease about things even though they don´t know what I have.  Elder Hammer took care of our lunch this day and Sunday because he knew we didn't want the typical food and brought us lasagna and garlic bread and a huge salad for Sunday´s lunch--I love Americans!!  He also bought us some things he knew we would like and would make us feel better--bless him haha.  He told us he had researched a ton on webmd and thought I have hypothyroidism I think it is--I certainly hope not! Really I cannot even explain how great those visits were--brought our spirits up a ton!  I watched The Testaments and chatted a bit with the hermanas and felt a ton better this night!

Sunday Hna Angulo didn´t feel super great and we stayed in bed talking and singing songs (some American ones) in our bed until the afternoon haha.  We got ready and enjoyed our salads, took naps and then had the pleasure of the President and Sister Amaya coming to visit us in the evening.  I felt SO much better Sunday and was back--the elders joked with me that I had resurrected from the dead!  It was so nice of President to come chat and leave a prayer and blessing with us.  He also informed us that when I feel better, we are to return to Manta and Hna Angulo will be with me at least for this week.  He didn´t say any more and we are wondering if she will then have transfers or if they are just going to forget about those transfers!  It´s been kind of crazy to try and figure out the reasoning for my sickness and our time here in Guayaquil--maybe she is needed with me in Manta.  Who knows!  Then Elder Hammer and his comp came and gave us the Sacrament at like 9:30 at night haha.  His comp teased us a ton about buying something called makeup and getting ready and I gave it to him about being sick etc :)  

BUT I´m way dumb because every time I feel better, I think I´m completely cured but then start to feel more tired again.

I didn´t sleep at all last night.  Maybe 1 hour or 2 and so today I woke up NOT good again so we remained locked in Guayaquil :)  OH JOSEPH!  I think I finally went crazy today.  11 days. In the mission. wow!  and Hna Angulo now doesn´t feel good.  Haha our theme for our companionship has always been:  Que mas nos falta!  because strange things follow us but we have loved our time together and our crazy adventures.  

But when it all comes down to it, it was incredible the lessons I learned personally while in bed this week and these 11 days.  It´s amazing that when you are made to rely wholly and completely on the Lord and only Him, how much at peace and in calm you feel.  In the mission, although I have you all, I only really have Him because our comps don´t completely understand us either!  I felt so guilty this week for making everything difficult for President, the other hermanas, my comp, my sickness, etc. and I also felt super down like I have no idea what I need to learn or why this is happening and I feel so sick and we can´t work and improve the program and spread the love of Christ and the truthfulness of the Gospel!  But I really just KNOW that I don´t have to understand and I probably won´t.  But the Lord knows exactly why.  He knows everything and He blesses us with the experiences we need.  Maybe I needed to learn something, maybe my comp needed to, maybe the other hermanas were needed in their areas this week, maybe the President needed more time to really know about transfers, who knows.  But I do know and testify of the overwhelming peace and comfort we can feel when we trust fully in our Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ.  They know our lives and if we do all we can to be obedient and serve them, they will make sure that our missions and our lives unfold from the first day to the last exactly as They have planned.  I know this church is true!  I know that missions are miracles and that I´m blessed to be here.  I know that working and serving and spreading the love of Christ is what makes us happy in this life.  I know families can be together forever!  I know Christ lives and loves us and I know that if you are having a hard time and don´t understand why, that you can feel completely at peace or calm with His love and through prayer.  Heavenly Father answers prayers--dont´ever give up!

Also--I need to say that while They answer prayers and comfort us, etc., they expect us to do our part and work.  It will NOT be easy but if you receive an answer or feel you need to do something to better your life, DO IT!  You can´t afford to wait it out--blessings and eternity are at stake.  I love the saying that if Heavenly Father asks you to give something up, obviously He has something better in mind.  That is so true and also I know that in life, hard things are required, especially in this Gospel.  However, we prove our faithfulness and willingness to do all that is required of us and will never be able to give up or go through hard times more than we receive the promised blessings.  Trust in Him. Trust that He will give you strength and support you in the hard times.  Do your part and He will take care of the rest!  He loves you!

I love you all and am SO grateful for your love and prayers.  I pray for you every single day!

Have an amazing week!  Love you!

Love,

Hermana Bryan

Logan: I read Alma 17:3 and thought of us.  You are the best missionary I know and you look SO great in your pic!  I miss you so so much and know you are learning everything you need to learn in this area and with your new comp.  How awesome it is to hear of your experiences and faith building testimonies and challenges as well.

Dallin: I laughed out loud at your joke this week.  Hahahaha women.  I am sending you and Logan that little thing this week as I was sick last week.  I hope you feel better with your teeth!

Mom and Dad: I love you--thank you so much for your concern and prayers. Thank you for the quotes, Mom and I smiled a lot while reading the Keep Moving Forward one--I love that one so much.  Ps-- when are pres elections and who are the candidates?  Also I would love more protein bars and body spray for Christmas.  One more thing--I´ve been thinking a lot about Dr.Nelson--can you maybe ask if he wants to receive my emails? I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!

Lunch with Gabriel, Marianela, and Allisson right before coming to Guayaquil

Trust in the Lord with all Thine Heart

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD ON THURSDAY!!!!  So Sad I can´t be there but I will be thinking of you all day.

Hola!!  Well the title describes what I´ve been thinking lately with transfers this week and also with my physical condition.  The Lord knows everything and knows why things happen and I just know that even though our mortal understanding can´t comprehend the eternal perspective of situations sometimes here on earth, our Heavenly Father is so aware of us and if we trust Him and the important part:  ACT according to His will for us, we can KNOW that He truly will direct our paths.

I´ve been sick, in bed for 4 days straight and I feel like I have Mono but the people down here have no idea what that means haha.  I got to go to a medical clinic today and have the opportunity to experience 3rd world medical care--they sent me home with some meds cuz they have no idea what I have!  It started out where my body literally just felt like it would collapse--I couldn´t breathe well and completely lost my appetite so we returned mid day and we thought it would go away.  Well it didn´t go away at all and so I´ve only left the house for our baptism on Sat, church on Sunday and we came home early because I was dying, and today to go to the medical clinic and say goodbye to Marianela and Gabriel with Hna Angulo because they wanted to see her before she left (and as of now we have no idea when that will be!)--they are incredible ps!

Well Monday night our footsteps were literally guided by Heavenly Father and we felt SO so grateful.  We met with a new investigator who wants to find the truth and said this was the last place he would look and we just felt good about him and his desires and like we knew exactly what to say.  We have a great comp dynamic.  Hna Angulo then immediately thought in Manuel and we couldn´t believe it but went to follow that prompting and on the way there ran into  Soheil.  I knew immediately that the ¨Manuel¨ thought actually was to find Soheil--I kept having Logan´s words to me about that situation running over and over again in my mind that he prayed SO hard that one of the 2 would accept and turns out it was Soheil for now.  It was so great to meet with him, he feels things super deeply and feels guilty for his sins so we talked about the Atonement.  His eyes are so full of light it´s incredible!  We also figured out for sure it wasn´t for Manuel haha but left a blessing with his family and his household--I know for sure one day that fam will accept.

Tuesday we had the lovely privilege of showering in our ZLs house because our bathroom had been a pool for a week and was getting fixed so we went in all our beauty and PJs to their house to get ready and let me tell you right now that elders have NO idea how to treat sisters sometimes hahahaha it cracks me up and frustrates me at the same time.  We are humans and yes I understand we were there in PJS and to shower but chill out, they left the house and we got ready but Elder Van Wagoner couldn´t look us in the eyes and was pretty short and red in the face.  Poor guy.

Hna Angulo and I shared an activity with the zone--because our zone struggles a lot and it went superbly!  We had a great and fun activity with action, treats, and they had animo and then shared a lesson and then sung Come Thou Fount at the piano.  The spirit was very sweet and we could see the difference in their faces--full of love, the spirit, but also determination to do this work.  But then the leaders took over again and everything fell to the floor it seemed.  We actually talked to them afterwards and let them know how we feel over and over again dreading to come to meetings because no one feels good.  There is a way to get the elders to work and get animated but it isn´t by tearing them down completely every single week.  There is an artful way to mix in criticism with praise and encouragement and I have learned that really everything I learned in teaching children applies with adults, missionaries, lessons in the mish, marriages, companionships, etc.  I guess it´s because we´re all children at heart!

Our footsteps were again led to Marixa Pico--a reference from the ward and it was perfect because a member was already visiting her.  She felt so sad and guilty for some sins she committed and for an abortion 20 days ago.  We felt her sadness and it was a miracle the exact time we could share with her a portion of HF´s love.  Wednesday, at our second lesson, she told us how much better she had felt since our visit the night before and that she has real intention.  She wants to hear the lessons and pray for an answer and use the Atonement in her life.  She will have a process but we can see the fruit that will come and the happiness and light this Gospel brings!  It completely changes lives--how true this work is. 

Wednesday was also Gabriel´s interview and we found out beforehand he had participated in an abortion 10 years ago and so the interview was pretty long and even then, we all had to wait while the elders went and called President Amaya.  Gabriel was so great, though--he recognized everything and why it was happening and had such great desires and we were SOO stoked when he passed!!!  I screamed WOOHOO outside haha.  Such JOY--it is indescribable!  Every returned missionary is so right this week when they wrote me and told me that the mish is so hard most of the time but the moments of pure bliss and joy are the things you remember.  I´m already starting to see that as I reflect back on my time here!  I feel so privileged to be in the mission and to share the love of our Savior and His truth with the people here!

Also during the interview, I got to play the piano and sing for like 2 hours straight and it was exactly what I needed.  That was for you, Jill Gibson :)

We saw Soheil Wed night and he had been praying--hadn´t missed a morning or night and had felt so so much peace and calm in his life which is a miracle for him!  We talked about the Word of Wisdom and he had read some pages in Persa-Farsi we had left him describing some of our beliefs.  It's difficult though because we don't have the Book of Mormon and we are kind of at a loss of how to teach from here on out because he doesn´t read Spanish.  Help! haha.  We haven't seen him since--he missed his lesson and church but we aren´t done yet!

Thursday we saw Rebeca and Pepe again and it was such a frustrating lesson.  I don´t know how to make things click with them or if they would receive it completely instead of part way.

Marianela had her interview on Thursday and we were all surprised when the elder had to go call as well for her but thank heavens for the elders and their interviews!  She was really nervous and tired after everything but also PASSED and it was so wonderful!  I got to play with her 2 year old girl Allisson as we were all waiting and she is a completel doll--FULL of personality and just gorgeous.

Soheil passed us and told us he had dreamt that we were all walking in a garden and had a peaceful night for the first time in months. hahaha that guy--we love him.

Also we met with Mercedez and Anita and the husband Juan Carlos was there--which was a miracle!  We taught about the law of chastity and they realized the importance of that commandment and committed to talk and set a date to get married and he also accepted baptism with the rest of them so we need to focus hard on them and teach him too!  They are another amazing family--its so important to find families!

Saturday--BAPTISM!!!  Marianela and Gabriel are such an amazing, powerful couple and the ward members can already see how strong they are and will be!  I love them so much.  They have meant so much to us and to know them, having taught them, and watch them change and grow has truly been a huge privilege.  They were shining :)

Sunday they received the Spirit and Marianela was teary--they have the temple in mind and that goal set and they can´t wait for us all to come back in 2 years during the summer.  Yes--I´m telling people my plans for that already and they are counting on it :)

Also--all during church, Allisson was crying to sit and be with me so she ran up to the stand where I was sitting and sat on my lap the whole meeting and only wanted to be with me--that was a sweet experience because I love her and kids so so much and she is so cute! 

Sunday I couldn´t sleep even though I was dead and tried to all day.  Haha I hate change--you all know that I get sick and worried about changes and so we were pretty uptight all day.  We got to reflect on our time here and it truly has been a marvelous, growing, incredible experience.  We´ve recognized how many blessings we´ve received, how many amazing things we have been allowed to see, the lessons learned, the amazing people SO close to our hearts, etc.  When Hna Angulo got transfered, our hearts dropped.  We knew it and felt it but didn´t want to accept it.  We both cried and hugged each other for a long time and just reflected on our time.  Also, there was a fireworks show outside for a long time which was kind of cool--like a last hurrah!   We love each other and it´s hard to think we have to start over now and especially hard for her to leave this place after almost 8 months but we will be back :)  What a privilege it has been to be here with her, to learn together, experience EVERY single aspect of the work together, laugh, cry, and most importantly take these people with us in our hearts.  This work is life changing, brings salvation, and lets light and love enter into your life.  Embrace it with all you have!!

We will see what this week brings with changes in comp, etc but I know the Lord knows us!  I love you all and miss you so so much!!

Love,

Hermana Bryan

Logan:  I´ve been praying for you and E Washburn and Tod all week!  I´ve also been praying that things work out exactly as they should for transfers.  I'm dying to hear!!!  How's Wyoming and the weather?  I miss you bud tons and tons every day--you give me energy to keep going and you are the best missionary I know.  I am sending you a lil summin summin this week.

Dallin:  I LOVE your jokes and your humor and I´m sending you a teeny regalo this week in the mail but I hope you like it.  Your week sounds busy but awesome.  How's seminary and your friends and your goals going?  6 pounds dang boy!  Your gunna be skin and bones.  Like Esqueleto only handsome.  Why have you not been baptized?!  Ps I love you and admire your faith and courage and support of us so much.  You are the best!!

Mom and Dad:  I love you so so much.  I´m so grateful for your packages and your talks, etc you sent me.  Thank you so so much!  I am grateful for your prayers and support, examples, and revelation for me and our fam and work in the Gospel.  You´re my heroes!!  Happy bday Dad!

Marianela's Mom, Victor (who baptized), Me, Hna Angulo, Marianela and Gabriel and Allisson