"Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God."
--Ether 12:4




Monday, May 28, 2012

I Should Really Learn to Expect the Unexpected by Now!

Hola Familia!
Well from the locura that my mission has been, you would think I would have learned to expect the total unexpected but NOPE--things always get me by surprise!  haha  This week has been FULL of changes, craziness, responsibility, amazing experiences, and I am just so grateful!

Ok, so Monday we got a phone call from the ZLs telling us we had to go to the terminal to pick up Hna Sanchez so she could come open up Samanes, and train, and be living with us.  We were shocked because she was very "special" when I lived with her, and Hna ward trained her.  We were glad it wasn't us doing that, and knew that we would have to help them and encourage them, etc.  

Well Tuesday we went to Zone meeting and upon getting there, the ZLs told us that the assistants wanted to talk to Hna Orantes.  They said that President had changed his mind and that Hermana Orantes would now be training, and that President wanted me to open the area of Samanes with Hermana Sanchez.  We were shocked and it was like a pail of cold water over our heads.  Hna Orantes started crying and I was just so sad and nervous and just lots of feelings.  During the whole meeting we tried to concentrate but Hna Orantes leaned over to me at one point and said she just wanted to bawl and bawl but had to hold it in.  It hit me during the middle of the meeting, and I started crying too.  We were pretty dang stressed.  Elder Falk (our ZL) looked at me several times very knowingly and understandingly, and if it weren't for him and Hna Orantes, I don't know what I would have done!  We got home and although Hna Orantes and I were just stressed and feeling empty, etc. I looked over and saw Hna Sanchez looking pretty down.  I sat down and asked her if she was sad that she wasn't going to be training anymore and she opened up to us and we helped her.  She said she felt like it was her chance to prove herself, finally, and that she felt like she was being punished for how she acted before, etc etc and we told her no.  I told them how incredible it was that each trial is SO personalized.  For example, Hna Sanchez really wanted to train badly and now she can't and has to deal with that.  Hna Orantes really DIDN'T want to train, and now she has to deal with that.  I felt so stressed and dizzy already, and felt like I couldn't handle anymore when the Lord gave me another change and responsibility to open an area and be with Hna Sanchez.  All very personalized--but we all realized that we could accept the Lord's will and it was all for a reason.  

Wednesday we woke up and I was physically sick to my stomach,etc.  Hna Orantes left early to go to the trainer's meeting and to receive her new companion.  We were in the middle of our personal study (and I was seeing the Lord's blessings in my life as I prayed fervently for the Spirit to be there, calm my nerves, help me focus, and receive revelation, which all happened) and I was beginning to really accept this change WHEN the phone rang.  It was the assistants, and Elder McGinn told me he needed a favor.  He then asked me how long it would take us to get to the trainer meeting.  He then said that he needed us to go there right that instant because there had been another change and he would explain everything when we got there.  WHAT?!!!  We were so shocked yet again, and going crazy.  3 changes (transfers) in 3 days!  We quickly called a member to help take us and left immediately.  We got there and entered the doors, and Hermana Orantes turned to look who was coming in, and the look on her face when she saw us was priceless.  Her mouth dropped open and was like WHAT are you doing here?!!  Elder McGinn then took us 3 aside and said there had been another change.  He said President had called him and told him he had received an impression.  He told us that Hermana Orantes and I would still be companions in Guayacanes, and that Hermana Sanchez would be training in Samanes.  BUT that President felt that Hermana Orantes needed to work with the new hermana (Hermana Vidrio from Mexico) and I was to open the area of Samanes with Hermana Sanchez for this week.  He then turned to me and Hna Orantes and said that President trusts me and her a ton.  What a tender mercy to hear those words and what a crazy but merciful change!  Hermana Orantes burst into tears of joy and hugged me like crazy and I was just laughing.  I felt like the Lord was trying us to see what we were willing to do to follow Him, and also that President knew that in some way or another the 2 transfers he had done had to happen and it had to be a mix.  He said we would have 4 days and Sunday we should start working with our normal companions again.  I was excited and felt the responsibility of making sure things were set up for the hermana and that she knew the area in 4 days.

Wednesday I quickly looked through the area book and wrote down everyone and then called the Bishop and he was SO excited they had missionaries, and wanted to accompany us in the evening.  I had my lists of references and old investigators, the area map, etc in hand and we left to go work when the hermanas got home from their meeting.  We found an hermana home that was a reference from my old area!  We had a good lesson with her and then went with the Bishop.  I am SO impressed by this Bishop.  He is young, works a ton, studies, has a wife, etc so enough to be sufficiently busy, but still accompanies us, does personal visits, plans activities, etc etc and had SO many plans and ideas for us and was so enthusiastic.  It was incredible and how I imagine Joseph Smith being.  It was a GREAT day and I just felt like I was shining when I got home from happiness and light and just was SOOOO grateful to my Heavenly Father for that opportunity.  It was incredible seeing the changes in Hermana Sanchez, and incredible being able to help her learn the area and gain the confidence of the Bishop from day 1 (he at the end wanted to bring us home, know his wife, they made us food, etc, it was great) and was just SO happy and beaming!  Wow I felt so grateful and like again, WHY do we ever question the Lord's will?!

Friday I finished the New Testament!  Also when we got to lunch (we ate lunch with the other hermanas cuz we didn't have lunch scheduled yet) Hna Orantes told me that Paul wasn't home because he had left early for the weekend out of town.  She said that Grace (the CR and Paul's cousin) told Hna Orantes that on Wednesday when we didn't show up, Paul got super upset and sad and thought that I had been changed.  He then asked Grace, "Who is going to challenge me now???" and that he was very sad.  That made me feel so appreciated and like I have a specific purpose here---tender mercies of the Lord all over the place! Friday while opening Samanes, we had an awesome day!  We found an investigator from a reference a lady had given us the night before (she was present in a lesson and refused to participate, but after told us we should go visit her brother).  We got there and Christofer got home and joked the whole time about being in love with me, blah blah blah.  We kinda laughed uncomfortably, but knew he was totally joking, and then taught.  He is INCREDIBLE.  Wow.  An escogido for sure.  The whole time I was just in awe of his good, strong spirit and he just has a personality and spirit that says leader!  He will be a great leader someday.  Hna Sanchez took advantage of the fact that he was all willing to do whatever while we were there and put a baptismal date--what a beast!!!!  But the hermanas tell me he came to church yesterday, stayed all of it, loved it, and said he was bringing his sister and niece the next week.  What a wonderful opportunity and experience!

Saturday--our last day opening together, we went to all the limits, etc.  We went to lunch at a house and came across this RM who started telling us all the dumb things he did in the mission, etc and I obviously showed my reaction and he just laughed and said he didn't see why it was a big deal.  I asked him if he never read the mission handbook or didn't understand obedience, etc cuz he was getting to me.  It made me so mad inside and I couldn't believe how horrible it was to hear those things--like it was nothing. He wasted the Lord's time! The mission affects our ETERNITY!!!  It is not something we go on and experience and come back.  It is eternal blessings or consequences and it's incredible how being a RM doesn't mean anything necessarily.  It is all about what type of missionary you were and who you are.  I LOVE the mission!!  It's a miracle.

Saturday we were contacting and a guy called us over.  We went over and he asked for our pamphlets and then told us he was a Jewish self-proclaimed traveling preacher.  He talked all softly and smoothly and full of fake love and it was hilarious.  He wanted to know our beliefs, and we testified and shared our beliefs, and he kept asking questions and we shared beliefs and he would question it with the Bible and then told us we had to memorize the Bible, that not everyone is a child of God, that the Spirit can't talk to us through feelings, that we should apart ourselves from Joseph Smith, etc and he said it all with such love.  I just bore my testimony and told him to read and pray about the pamphlets and that we had to go.  He then quickly asked if we could pray.  In the middle of the street.  We agreed and he asked to hold our hands (we refused and refused his many attempts) and then asked us to close our eyes (we peeked the WHOLE time hahaha I was not falling for anything).  Luckily all I saw during the prayer through my half open eyes, was his fist going up and down with his crazy emotion as he prayed.  He prayed like a crazy man--yelling and super loud and I'm sure you can imagine.  After, we walked away and started BUSTING up laughing.  Oh the experiences of the mission.  Saturday night, we ran home to use the bathroom and went out for one more lesson.  On the way out, I grabbed a BOM just because I felt I should.  In the lesson, we had such a fight with knowing what to say, getting the Spirit to be in the environment because of distractions, etc. Nothing we did or talked about helped an I'd felt confused or like maybe they aren't interested so we should leave; WHEN I took out the BOM and we began to teach about that.  The Spirit immediately filled the room and we testified, and the little girl and her mom felt it and were excited to read and pray and it was just SUCH a testimony to me of following the impressions of the spirit--that without the Spirit, we can't do anything, and I was so grateful for that experience.

Sunday Hna Orantes and I were together again.  The Bishop was SO glad I hadn't been transferred, which touched me.  I loved what a Stake Presidency counselor spoke about in Sacrament meeting.  He talked about ACTIVE reverence.  He said that just sitting there and being quiet is not enough.  We need to be paying attention, praying to receive answers, really wanting to learn and feel the Spirit, etc.  I think that key makes such a huge difference in our spiritual progress: personally, investigators, as companions, wards, etc etc.  Active reverence is the key. Also something someone said on Sunday REALLY touched me.  They shared scriptures in D&C and then said that maybe we don't see the fruits of our labors right now, but that the Lord gives us the strength and enthusiasm to continue on.  And that in the heavens, our works have been recorded and we will see those fruits there.  I immediately thought of the people I have taught that will accept later on in life, and how rewarding it will be to see them after this life and see the fruit of one seed planted.  What a blessing!  Also, big news of the week that I just found out about today:

MIGUEL GOT BAPTIZED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Oh my gosh I was SO excited!  His waiting and suffering has ended and he got baptized in Colombia!!!  My whole mission is worth it just because of him, and if no one else got baptized apart from him, it was all worth it.  What a miracle.

So a few things I learned and liked this week from my studies are:  in 3 Nephi 19:3 I was so amazed by what an example of preparation these people were! They really got it and understood.  They knew that Christ would come the next day and that if they were prepared, they would get a lot out of it and be in the right place when He came.  We need to prepare ourselves for spiritual experiences and always make sure we are in a place where Christ will come or His Spirit will be present.

In Revelations 21:7--the true followers and heirs of God overcome.  D&C 76:58-60--we can overcome all trials given to us because we are children of God and have His help and in overcoming, we prove our faithfulness to Him and He blesses us.

Also, Hna Orantes and I were studying True to the Faith about the Priesthood, and as sisters, we have the right to the pertaining missionary keys of the Priesthood during this time.  WOW!!  Elder Washburn told me I had the keys to the ministering of angels and now that makes sense (that is one part of the duties of the Aaronic Priesthood).  While we are called and set apart as missionaries and respresentatives of Christ we have those keys and this is the only time where that would be able to happen for us sisters.  What a blessing!  Also in 3 Nephi 21:25 I loved it so much.  As missionaries, I truly feel that the power of heaven comes upon us and that Christ is in our midst.  When we are serving Him, we are entitled to His help, and He helps us SO much and gives me so many tender mercies.  I am so grateful for my Savior and for His Atonement, for the mercy and grace I receive abundantly and for the happiness and lasting joy the Gospel brings.

I LOVE my Heavenly Father.  I know that He gives us the preparation we need and gives us the experiences we need to become more like Him and reach our full potential.  I see His hand in my life daily.  I know that this church is true and I know that this work will and does bring more joy and happiness and eternal blessings than any other work on earth.  I feel so humbled and grateful and privileged to be here on a mission.  I love it.  I pray for you and love you all!!  have a wonderful week.  LOVE YOU!

Love,
Hermana Bryan

Monday, May 21, 2012

Sha Pues

Hola familia!

Well this week was CARAZY and my head, like spins, when I think about it all, haha, but sha pues (as our Argentinian ZL says--he leaves tomorrow :( ).

Tuesday I was dizzy but I went to Zone meeting and we got to do practices and it was SO incredible!  The whole time, I was like YES--this is what District Meetings are supposed to be like!  The elders were SO great and awesome and helped us so much with our investigators.  They really focused on them and received revelation and helped us so much during our practices for Azucena and Paul. What a blessing.  Then we went to Choir Practice at the Kennedy!!!!!  I loved those meetings and Hna Jo told me she's coming home with me and we are going to be roomies!!!!  What a tender mercy from the Lord.  I was thinking I'd be all alone at BYU and not knowing what to do with myself when I got back, but once again, the Lord puts His hand in our lives.  I felt SO grateful and humbled.  
Tuesday we had a two hour lesson with Azucena and her husband.  I had called her in the afternoon to ask her if we could visit her and she said if we wanted to, but she didn't want us talking about baptism or pressuring her, etc etc etc and I just listened and said ok, and that we would come by later.  We got there and she and her husband basically starting talking about baptism and our phone conversations, etc and all their marital fights and problems and wanting counsel etc.  I told them that we weren't going to talk about baptism, and came to talk about something else (law of chastity--the elders totally were inspired during the practices) and that we can't give marital counsel per se but the counsel we were going to give them would solve all their problems.  We then listened to everything they had to say and could tell it felt better for them to get that off their chests, and then shared scriptures, were loving, very bold, etc.  We told them that Satan was using everything against them to make them choose worldy things and money over the Lord.  We told them that the Lord is a God of miracles and we have to trust that!  We explained the seriousness of not being married and THAT was the reason why they had so many problems, etc.  Her husband told us he was very clear on that commandment and what it means and the consequences, etc. but when it came down to it at the end, he told her to not make a decision yet, and they said that not yet.  Basically he is and they are ¨wilfully rebelling against God¨ as states the scriptures.  HOW or WHY would someone knowingly do that?!!! How Stupid!  It's just so clear all the blessings we receive, yet still don't choose that.  We choose what we think is the easiest route when it's actually not. They are going to continue waiting for the money, waiting to get married, waiting to get baptized, waiting for God to change and bless their lives basically.  Hna O was very disappointed but we felt relieved afterwards.  We have done ALL we can do. It's always their choice!  We can see that it's eating away at her and at their marriage, and she came to church and wants us to come by.  But we will see! Oh the influence of the adversary--that piece. :)  We will still support and love but we can't get married for them haha.

Wednesday--we got like no sleep Tues night because Elder Waddell had asked each and every missionary to prepare 5 talks (all the lessons in PMG) because he was going to randomly call on missionaries to share during the conference. Talk about stressful!!! haha.  So ya we were preparing those.  We also had a med appt before and like we all knew, nothing was wrong in my blood work.  So they gave me pills that help with dizziness (Diph something, Dad) and referred me to the ear doctor.  The conference with Elder Waddell was INCREDIBLE. Man.  He is HUGE--like SO tall, he towered over every tall gringo in the mission it was crazy!!!!  He had served his mission in Spain and was Mission Pres there as well later on, so he totally talked Spanish with the lisp accent and cracked us all up. He also wanted to greet us all and have us introduce ourselves, and before I could stick out my hand he stuck his out and smiled at me and said, ¨You´re not from around these parts are you?!¨ hahaha How could he tell?!  :) He was just so loving, kind, yet so powerful.  It was exactly what I needed.  I could just literally feel his love, feel his support, his worry, and he felt like a dad to me!  He brought the Spirit SO strongly and shared some really neat things.  I felt like I was in the MTC again--the Spirit was that strong and powerful and tiring.  What a blessing. The real tender mercy of the Lord was when I realized that everything he talked about, he addressed something that I had just been talking about with Hna Orantes or Hna Johansen or reading the week before in my scriptures and lds.org.  It was crazy.  The Lord was preparing me for that conference ahead of time, and confirming all those spiritual truths I had learned and thought about through him.  Wow.  He talked about ¨real growth¨and I had just read an article about that on lds.org.  We are now focusing on retention and not just baptism. I've always felt that way--that the people I baptize, I want them to truly be converted and endure to the end!  Isn't that the point?!  Not just baptisms, and who knows if they will go inactive.  No.  We want to baptize converts.  Always felt that way :) Also he talked to us about the Spirit and doctrine of conversion.  He posed the questions: How does a missionary know if they are successful?  He then asked, can a missionary who doesn't baptize be successful?  He then asked vice versa. Then he said, so can a missionary who doesn't have the Spirit baptize?  Yes, unfortunately.  He then said, that maybe they will baptize but they will NEVER have success.  Success cannot be had without the Spirit.  It was something I had shared with Hna Orantes.  That even though we haven't baptized, and my whole mission I've struggled with that, I've come to realize that I personally measure my success by if I feel the Spirit, if I'm worthy of His companionship, and if I feel Him testifying to others through me.  PMG also talks about how we know we've had success, and those bullet points don't mention baptize.  Of course it's part of it, but the real success lies in the Spirit!  The Spirit is the KEY in all we do in missionary work!  And without it, no missionary can have success, it doesn't matter how many numbers or lessons or baptisms he or she has.  So true! Unfortunately we can't control other people's agency or decisions, but we CAN control our obedience, our worthiness, our teaching, who we are, etc.  He then taught us about how to teach, and we should follow Christ's example.  He was loving but then asked if His voice was weak?  NO!  He was loving but bold!  So true!  Just so many things confirmed, and it was incredible.  I got direct answers to my questions and prayers, and found out what I need to improve on, what our area needs, our companionship, and what we are doing well.  

The church is true!! :)

So we left just on a high and though I was dizzy and tired all day, it was SO worth it!  On the way home, in the taxi, I realized that my wallet was no where to be found.  STRESSFUL haha.  My family is awesome and so is the secretary, and things were figured out, but it kind of is hard to feel so helpless at times in the mission.  So I turned my trust to the Lord and we went and visited Paul.  It was a good lesson and he opened up to us about some things that are maybe holding him back.  They are minor issues, so we just have to have patience there!  We got home and my stress, tiredness, sickness hit me, and we had a tough night with me and Hna Orantes but the Lord knows what we need and we needed that growing experience.  

Thursday was a learning day.  I felt pretty down from a lot of things going on and was able to open up completely with Hna Orantes and have her understand, and was able to just get everything out to the Lord and her.  I felt better, though still a bit down, but the Lord was making me learn how to battle the adversary and how to handle stress.  I feel like that is one of the main lessons He always helps me learn.  We were able to go out later and I felt SO grateful to the Lord that I felt energy and felt good enough to go out! 

Friday morning during comp study Hna Orantes said she wanted to share with me what she had studied the last few days as I was sick.  She related Alma 38: 2-5 to me and in every verse where the Lord says my son, she put my daughter, Hna Bryan.  She especially applied verse 3 to me and 5, and I was just crying and crying.  I felt so humbled and have known I couldn't do anything without the Lord, and knew that He was letting me know through her and her tears and understanding, that He loved me, that it was ok what I have been able to do, that I need to trust in Him and be ok!  I had studied a lot about grace and really have been trying to use the Atonement and let Christ take my burdens away.  What a miracle that we have that eternal gift.  I have been humbled these last two weeks and trying to fully be patient, and trust in the Lord.  Sometimes it is too easy to let our burdens or stress get to us, then the adversary comes in and gets us down and makes us think so much less about ourselves than what we are, etc.  Then we end up losing ourselves!  That's why the Lord always always always lets us know He is there.  That is why prayer is so vital.  That is why trust, faith, patience, and hope are all key.  That is why the Atonement exists (among other reasons), and that is why we are here on earth--to learn and progress and be stronger through each trial and experience!  What a blessing and what a miracle.  I was also studying about hope, and I love the words used to describe hope in Ether 12:4.  It's interesting to note that in real life we use hope as uncertainty, but a desire.  In terms of the Gospel, hope is not uncertain.  It is firm, sure, steadfast, anchor, always---all these constant, firm, certain action words.  I love hope!!!  


Saturday was such a blessing.  Though I wasn't completely better, I felt I got myself back!  We walked ALL day but the Lord heard our prayers and made the climate do-able and though all our contacts, lessons, etc fell through, he blessed us with happiness, joy, and conversations with an investigator we have, whom we love.  We then found out that a reference we thought impossible, moved into our area and she already has desires to be baptized, etc.  Yes, the Lord blesses us mercifully and undeservingly, but what a loving Father He is!  Also Saturday was my mom's BDAY!!!!!!!!  And Hna Orantes' mom´s bday too!!

Sunday we woke up and had no water.  Logan, you think your farmhouse is ghetto.  Ok, we don't have water sometimes at nights or in whole days because Ecuador decides to do maintenance.  So I have had to go without showering to church twice already.  GROSS.  It wouldn't be as gross if we didn't sweat all day here cuz of the humidity.  You get the picture haha.  Ghetto but we love it :) Sunday we had to give our weekly numbers and I told our district leader to not cry before I read them haha.  It was disappointing because we really have been trying and we have all the desires in the world, but things haven't been working out.  He understood and said he was going through the same.  Then he called back an hour later and said to put him on speaker and he wanted us to get our BOMS out. He taught us using Mosiah 7.  It was SO incredible and exactly what we need. He said that these 16 strong men obviously had the Spirit and were incredible. Yet they still wandered erroneously for a while.  They had the spirit though!  But that still happened.  Then they didn't get treated as they would have liked, etc. and they still had the spirit!  Anyway the end story is their circumstances and results of their travels didn't change who they were or the Spirit they had.  He then asked us to read Alma 26:27 and I've always LOVED that scripture!  What a blessing it is to have leaders who love us, care for us, and share in our joys and trials and motivate and encourage us.

Today, though we didn't have changes, we are now going to be living with 2 other sisters.  Another hermana I lived with before and then a new one.  Hna Orantes and I will have to help and encourage and teach a lot this change, but that's why we were able to stay together I think.  HOW I LOVE the mission!!!

So many experiences in such a short little time, to teach us so much and help us grow and change our eternities and the eternities of those around us.  I love this opportunity and feel so grateful.  I know the church is true.  I know the happiness that fills our lives as we live the Gospel.  I know that Heavenly Father knows us personally and shows us His love daily.  I know families can be together forever and what a blessing that is!  I know the Lord is merciful and forgives our faults and weaknesses and constantly helps us to be better.  I feel that daily.  I love the mission, I love this Gospel and I love you all!!!

Thanks for your prayers and support.  I always need and feel them :)

Love, 
Hermana Bryan

Monday, May 14, 2012

When the World Spins Around You

Hola Familia!  

Well, we are not going to take much time today because I haven't been feeling up to par and we want to take advantage to grocery shop while I'm on my feet!  I talked a lot to Elder Sampson--the secretary now, and he researched Vertigo a lot and said there was one type that sounded a lot like what I had and I talked to him a ton about it and I have a medical appt tomorrow afternoon to figure out (or try with Ecuador medicine) what is going on; if it's that, or something else or just a trial!  Oh Joseph :)  (Cuz I remembered that 2 weeks ago for a while I kept hearing a clicking noise in my right ear all the time--would that explain it??) Anyway...

Well HOW AMAZING it was to talk to you all!!!  Man it just felt so natural and I LOVE our family!!  It was much harder this time saying goodbye.  I had a pounding headache for hours after from crying, haha, but it was worth it!  And you know what's interesting?  After feeling all that, etc Hna Orantes talked to her family and when she got off, she just sat down and was bawling and sobbing--I had never seen her like that!  But I felt so much love towards her (and had already written her notes in her planner while I was waiting for her to get off) and I just immediately knew again that there was a reason I was here with her.  I was able to comfort her a bit, share stories, have her tell me how her family is, and have her remember and tell me, that for the first time she can actually say she is starting to LOVE it here.  It's hard because not everyone has the kind of supportive family that I do!  Her family is supportive but keeps telling her to come home already, so that would be hard to handle and want to, but also want to be here!  I'm grateful that although you all may feel that way, you tell me there is no place you'd rather me be.  How true!  The miracle of the mission!!!
THANK YOU for your laughs, cries, counsel, and just for being my heroes and examples.  Also tell all our family and my friends hi for me and that I love them!  Happy late Mother's Day to everyone out there!

Well just a few updates for the week:
Monday we got to hang out with Hna JO!!!!! :)  love it


Tuesday we got to go to my old zone and have choir practice for combined zones because this Wed we will hear from Elder Waddell!!  How wonderful!!!  Also it was hilarious talking again to Elder VanWagoner and understanding each other and I love my ZL Elder Falk--he did the stanky leg twice in Zone meeting.  Awesome.

Wednesday--HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARLY STEPHENSON AND NANA!!!!  (I promise I will write you) today was the day I started feeling sick....we had to come home and I cried, like always, cuz I want to be outside preaching and fulfilling our calling and feeling the joy of this work.

Thursday I was sick and Elder Falk was so understanding with everything and said exactly what I needed to hear on the phone.

Friday I got a blessing from him that was amazing and said some of the same things that Elder Hammer had told me in my blessing back in January---the Priesthood is the power of God, the church is TRUE, missionaries are watched over and the Lord, and our Heavenly Father knows us!!  He knows us so personally and loves us and watches over and protects us.  It was a direct tender mercy and blessing from heaven from my Father letting me know his love and that He knows me and is aware of my situation.

Saturday just sick but Hna Orantes was so great about it and very supportive.


Sunday--wonderful tender mercy from the Bishop--making me feel like his daughter and wanting to help me and feeling a bit of my pain by tearing up.  What a blessing.  Also TALKING TO MY FAMILY!!!  such a blessing.  Afterwards I got to watch some Mormon Messages and talks and they were exactly what I needed to hear.  Also I decided that even though I felt like crap, I just wanted to preach for a bit afterwards, so we went out and found 2 new people in 1 hour.  Sacrifice brings forth the power of heaven and brings forth blessings.  The Lord is so merciful!!!!  Again, WHY do we ever doubt or complain?

Today--I woke up feeling very horribly, probably because I pushed myself last night but it was worth it.  Elder Sampson brightened my day by researching for me so much and he didn't have to--what a nice guy.  The Lord ALWAYS puts people in our paths during trials to let us know that He cares, He loves us, and it's ok!  Lift up your heads and rejoice.  This week I've loved studying in the scriptures like always but it caught me HOW many times in the scriptures does the counsel from an angel, or the voice of the Lord, etc tell us, and the people back then, to lift up our heads and then rejoice??!!!  It's true though!  When things are down or don't seem to go according to plan, or when we are burdened, we need to lift our heads up!  We need to look to heaven, chin up, and then rejoice!  There is so much we have to rejoice about!  When we realize that, we can, and will be filled with joy and patience in all afflictions and KNOW for a surety that though we might not understand the reasons for all trials, there is one, and when we trust in the Lord, He will lead us through.  He loves us and wants to help us.  His work and His glory is to help us reach eternal life and feel eternal joy!  He´s working for that, so shouldn't we help Him out in that process?!  We can choose to lift up our heads, look to heaven, and have Him take over the rest.  Trust in Him.  He will not lead us astray!

So today, we had a disheartening phone conversation with Azucena--the investigator whom we had the amazing experience with, and she has known for months and had so many signs and answers.  She said she wants to keep waiting to be baptized to receive money from her old late husband before getting married, etc.  Satan is such a piece and uses astute ways to get to them.  She had told us before, she didn't care about the money and we promised her the Lord would provide if she just fulfilled the Lord's commandments!  It's so clear and people don't understand!!  Hna O was SO ticked and mad and frustrated and sad.  I think this is her first experience like this and it's always disheartening when people use the wonderful two edged sword of agency to not choose eternal happiness and joy.  If they could only understand!!  She knows she isn't choosing the right--she told us--so WHY willfully rebel against God (as the scriptures say)?!!!!  Why not choose the Lord and the commandments and choose sacrifice to reap countless eternal blessings?  It's so clear. I'm trying really hard to help Hna O be okay, to help her be happy and get through this hard experience because I remember how hard this feels at the beginning. It's cuz we LOVE these people and we LOVE and understand the Gospel and want their eternal happiness.  But we can't do it for them!  But I also know that it's always a reason: I'm sick to test my faith, my comp's faith, and our investigator's faith to see if they really will stand on their own and want this badly enough.  Another trial of faith, but somehow, it's crazy that they don't affect me as much.  I'm so grateful and though they are always still a bit hard, I think it has to do with what Elder Washburn mentioned to me; that the work never gets easier, and areas continue to get harder, but somehow we don't feel that these things are harder, and we feel happier and it's because we are stronger.  We have grown inside and grown in so many ways thought impossible, that this work gets easier to deal with, to do, to LOVE, to joy in, and help others do the same!  It's eternal change, and I'm so grateful for that!  This change will affect us forever, our families forever, others´ families forever, and how blessed I am to be a small part of it.  (Alma 29:9 I think describes my feelings!!!)  maybe....haha I'm not great at exact references but ya pues! :)

I LOVE you all, I LOVE this Gospel, I LOVE being a missionary and am so grateful I'm here.  Thank you for your prayers--I pray for you constantly.  Give my love to everyone and remember to be happy, laugh, joke, and feel the joy this life was intended to bring!  A quote yesterday, I loved from the Mormon Messages was, ¨Men´s hearts fail them because they forget their identity and their purpose.¨ We are children of God.  Literally.  And He loves us so much!  Our purpose is to experience joy and become more like Him.  He will help us the whole way if we allow it.  So let´s do it! :)

Well, I have got to go, but I love you so much and hope you have an AMAZING week!  More details next week.


Love,
Hermana Bryan

Monday, May 7, 2012

Exchanges just for Elders? Think again :)

HOLA familia!!!!  Wow I love you all!!  So this week was great.  So So much progress and incredible experiences!!!!

Tuesday we got a phone call that we had to be at District Meeting an hour early so we went and the ZL Elder Falk, wanted to interview me and Hna Orantes and kind of do a verification thing with practices.  He said he was meeting with us first because he wanted to know how we do what we do, and what to do to help the other sisters in our Zone (Hna Hernandez and Hna Amador--the sister Hna Jo trained).  We met with him and he said that he was so grateful for us and that we were some of the strongest missionaries and teachers they had in the  Zone and as such, he really needed our help to motivate and animate the elders and sisters.  He said he was grateful and loved our animos, joy, happiness, and how strong we teach.  We didn't even know what to say, we were so shocked and humbled and like are you serious?!  We then had a practice and he acted like Paul and the spirit was SO strong!  He gave us feedback and criticism too and just told us, "Sisters, you are awesome."  He was cracking up and said he loved sisters because we kept saying how great the other comp was.  Elder Falk is awesome.  We were just dying laughing as gringos for a long time about some situations.  He then just encouraged us to keep doing what we were doing, trying to find, contacting, and putting more fechas because it wasn't our teaching that was the problem.  It was the investigators that we had in the program that didn't want to progress.  So that was heartening because as a human, and as girls, we question our abilities or if we are doing something completely wrong or not as good as we need to, etc. when there aren't results.  We were so grateful for that and for his trust and talking to us very openly and expressing those feelings to us. We needed that!  Then during our district meeting part, we did a practice and the elders and our DL just started busting up and saying WOW!!  Let's just take the hermanas with us everywhere we go!  Needless to say that was a very feel good morning.  Wow blessings from the Lord.

Tuesday we also had a very intense FHE with the family who was struggling with marriage, etc. about the temples and it was an incredible experience and incredible how the Spirit is so sensitive, and as missionaries we could feel the spirits of the family members, and when the spirit would leave when certain people talked, etc. 

Wednesday morning I was in bed when the phone rang and I jumped up and ran to answer it and it was Elder Falk. He told me he had just gotten off the phone with the assistants and that President Amaya had a special assignment for me and Hna Orantes.  President wanted us to do intercambios with Hna Hernandez and Hna Amador.  It was going to be a normal exhange--24 hours (just like the elders do) and I was to go to Condor with Hna Amador and Hna Hernandez came here with Hna Orantes.  I was shocked because Hermanas NEVER do intercambios (Hna Angulo---can you believe it?!!)  I've only heard of one sister who was asked to do that and that was years ago.  I asked if there was a specific purpose President asked us to do, and Elder Falk said they didn't tell him anything.  And I said ok and he just said, ¨Show em how it's done.¨ hahahaha.  He is awesome.  So I packed for a day and we had to go meet the sisters at noon. 

Condor is the area Hna Jo was in her whole mish until she got transferred with me, so that was cool to see where she stayed (it's a tiny tiny house) and see and visit her converts--such a neat experience!  I don't really feel like I was a huge example or help during preaching and was just feeling pressured with the responsibility and assignment from President.  I tried to see where I could help out and how I could improve as well, and it's hard when people think they are doing everything correctly already so I had to take that into consideration.  She is a good hermana (who was in the Tegucigalpa Brigada and knows Elder Barrera--he converted her family!!!) and knows what she needs to do--just lacks excitement or enthusiasm, lacks bearing testimony and not just relaying info but applying our message in a very personal way to each investigator.  But that's the stuff that will come.  After our day together I put some things together for what I really wanted to focus on during comp study (I felt like that was my last chance to really try and fulfill all I could do during that exchange).  It was great!!!  We studied PMG and she was really impacted by a part I shared with her I had found, and it hit her.  I then shared my testimony about that and we watched and analyzed a video from PMG about how the sisters did an awesome lesson and asked inspired questions and applied the message differently and personally to the person.  We then did practices and I acted as Julio (my convert from Francisco) and the first practice nothing was really accomplished.  I gave feedback and the second time, she finally asked an inspired question that caused me to open up.  As I opened up about how his mom had died and about his feelings, she was taken aback and the Spirit was there and she could testify and apply the message directly to me.  I asked her how she felt and she said it was amazing to see the information she missed the first time and what a difference it makes to ask the inspired questions and make it personal.  We learned a lot, I feel, and though you can't help someone a ton in just one day, hopefully it fulfilled what President wanted to happen.

Hermana Orantes gained a ton from that experience I think, and when we shared our experiences with each other on Thursday, I was SO proud!!! :)  She said that she saw so many things come to play that she had learned the last couple weeks and she told me how she helped Hna Hernandez and said, "Well you know what?  I've learned this from or with Hna Bryan."  She was able to apply the experiences and information and really have those change her mindset and engrain that in her mind and heart and it was just so amazing!  She helped Hna Hernandez a lot and I feel like it was good for her to put the stuff she's learned and we have worked on into practice, and she has progressed and continues to progress so much!  I felt so grateful and loving and it was so great.  During planning on Thursday, Hna Orantes and I had one of the most incredible experiences I've ever had on the mish.  I think our companionship has grown so much this last week or two and we have unity, we love each other, we have fun, we are open, and we work and grow together.  That helping us and trying to help the other sisters made us progress and realize our role in this.  Anyway, sorry--side track, so we were planning lessons with an investigator, Azucena (her story is long and incredible and I don't have time right now but she's been investigating for a  long time and has had so many trials and waiting to be able to get married and baptized.)  We prayed to know when she could be baptized and we were trying to think safe because there are still so many papers that have to be worked out.  We prayed for a confirmation for the 26th and both felt so nervous and sick and just confused.  Bingo.  Not it.  We then looked at the calendar and said alright, we will pray for the 19th and use our faith.  As soon as we prayed for the 19th, it was the most INCREDIBLE feeling I have ever felt in my life that started from my head and slowly went down to my toes and I started bawling immediately because I couldn't help myself.  Hna Orantes started bawling as well and we finished the prayer and were just crying and felt so amazing and were just in awe of the goodness of the Lord.  We KNEW she would be baptized the 19th.  As we told her that and shared our experience with Azucena, she teared up and got so joyous and just KNEW in her heart as well that was true.  Her and her husband fasted for that this weekend, she bore her testimony about this experience, and she and her husband are basically giving everything up to make this happen.  I know the Lord will bless them for their faith.  (more details after my mission..there are way more but I'm short on time)-

During comp study on Friday, Hna Orantes started crying about how grateful she was for our companionship and the things she has learned, and she said she was studying in PMG about a successful missionary and there are bullet points that describe how you know when you are successful.  She said that she felt SO at peace reading how our companionship has had every single one and how we progress and she just said she was so grateful and just complimented me so much and I shared my feelings too.  It was neat and there have been a few of those times this week.  Yesterday while walking, we saw a plane.  She used to always point at the planes and yell USA!!  I always shook my head and laughed and yesterday she said, "You know, I don't want to go home anymore."  I asked her what had changed, and she said our companionship has helped her appreciate the mission, she feels good now, she is at peace, she has FUN, she works hard, etc and doesn't want to give this up for anything.  She told me that before, she would always wish she was in that plane flying home even though she only would have completed a little time in the mission, but not anymore.  Wow I can't even describe how grateful I am to my Father in Heaven for allowing me experiences like this during this week.  He is incredible and I know He is helping us and helping her and strengthening me and has a purpose for everything.  WHY do we ever doubt?!!!

So something I wanted to share that I studied was an interesting insight in Helaman 5:34.  It struck me this time and made me think, ¨Will we let our human fears make it so we are immovable or don't progress??¨ A way to reach our potential and progress in life is setting goals.  PMG talks about that a lot and says that our goals reflect the desires of our hearts and our vision of what we can acheive.  Through goals and plans, our hopes transform into action and reality.  Setting goals and making plans are acts of faith.  They really are.  Are you reaching your true potential??  If not, I encourage you to set aside your fears, consider your heavenly and true potential, what you can become, and then decide what you need to do to get there.  Set goals and make plans and step by step I promise you that those plans and goals will be made reality and our Heavenly Father will help you every step of the way as you exercise your faith in Him.  Fasting and prayers are key and constant diligence but you can do it! 
I testify of your true potential.  You are a son or daughter of our Heavenly Father and He LOVES you!!!  He knows what you can become through Him.  Set aside your fears and let your faith take control and slowly but surely we will all strive to reach our potential.  The Gospel is the way and I feel so blessed in my life to be a missionary.  There is no way I will be able to thank my HF for all the blessings He gives me daily, but I'm trying to work hard and share that with others!!  Thank you for your love and prayers.  I love you and pray for you too.  I miss you but wouldn't be anywhere else right now.  This is the work of the Lord and how blessed I feel to be a small part of it!  I feel so much love and joy thinking about the greatness of our Lord and Savior.  Happy Mothers day to all you moms!!
LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!

Hermana Bryan