Hola Familia!
Well, we are not going to take much time today because I haven't been feeling up to par and we want to take advantage to grocery shop while I'm on my feet! I talked a lot to Elder Sampson--the secretary now, and he researched Vertigo a lot and said there was one type that sounded a lot like what I had and I talked to him a ton about it and I have a medical appt tomorrow afternoon to figure out (or try with Ecuador medicine) what is going on; if it's that, or something else or just a trial! Oh Joseph :) (Cuz I remembered that 2 weeks ago for a while I kept hearing a clicking noise in my right ear all the time--would that explain it??) Anyway...
Well HOW AMAZING it was to talk to you all!!! Man it just felt so natural and I LOVE our family!! It was much harder this time saying goodbye. I had a pounding headache for hours after from crying, haha, but it was worth it! And you know what's interesting? After feeling all that, etc Hna Orantes talked to her family and when she got off, she just sat down and was bawling and sobbing--I had never seen her like that! But I felt so much love towards her (and had already written her notes in her planner while I was waiting for her to get off) and I just immediately knew again that there was a reason I was here with her. I was able to comfort her a bit, share stories, have her tell me how her family is, and have her remember and tell me, that for the first time she can actually say she is starting to LOVE it here. It's hard because not everyone has the kind of supportive family that I do! Her family is supportive but keeps telling her to come home already, so that would be hard to handle and want to, but also want to be here! I'm grateful that although you all may feel that way, you tell me there is no place you'd rather me be. How true! The miracle of the mission!!!
THANK YOU for your laughs, cries, counsel, and just for being my heroes and examples. Also tell all our family and my friends hi for me and that I love them! Happy late Mother's Day to everyone out there!
Well just a few updates for the week:
Monday we got to hang out with Hna JO!!!!! :) love it
Tuesday we got to go to my old zone and have choir practice for combined zones because this Wed we will hear from Elder Waddell!! How wonderful!!! Also it was hilarious talking again to Elder VanWagoner and understanding each other and I love my ZL Elder Falk--he did the stanky leg twice in Zone meeting. Awesome.
Wednesday--HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARLY STEPHENSON AND NANA!!!! (I promise I will write you) today was the day I started feeling sick....we had to come home and I cried, like always, cuz I want to be outside preaching and fulfilling our calling and feeling the joy of this work.
Thursday I was sick and Elder Falk was so understanding with everything and said exactly what I needed to hear on the phone.
Friday I got a blessing from him that was amazing and said some of the same things that Elder Hammer had told me in my blessing back in January---the Priesthood is the power of God, the church is TRUE, missionaries are watched over and the Lord, and our Heavenly Father knows us!! He knows us so personally and loves us and watches over and protects us. It was a direct tender mercy and blessing from heaven from my Father letting me know his love and that He knows me and is aware of my situation.
Saturday just sick but Hna Orantes was so great about it and very supportive.
Sunday--wonderful tender mercy from the Bishop--making me feel like his daughter and wanting to help me and feeling a bit of my pain by tearing up. What a blessing. Also TALKING TO MY FAMILY!!! such a blessing. Afterwards I got to watch some Mormon Messages and talks and they were exactly what I needed to hear. Also I decided that even though I felt like crap, I just wanted to preach for a bit afterwards, so we went out and found 2 new people in 1 hour. Sacrifice brings forth the power of heaven and brings forth blessings. The Lord is so merciful!!!! Again, WHY do we ever doubt or complain?
Today--I woke up feeling very horribly, probably because I pushed myself last night but it was worth it. Elder Sampson brightened my day by researching for me so much and he didn't have to--what a nice guy. The Lord ALWAYS puts people in our paths during trials to let us know that He cares, He loves us, and it's ok! Lift up your heads and rejoice. This week I've loved studying in the scriptures like always but it caught me HOW many times in the scriptures does the counsel from an angel, or the voice of the Lord, etc tell us, and the people back then, to lift up our heads and then rejoice??!!! It's true though! When things are down or don't seem to go according to plan, or when we are burdened, we need to lift our heads up! We need to look to heaven, chin up, and then rejoice! There is so much we have to rejoice about! When we realize that, we can, and will be filled with joy and patience in all afflictions and KNOW for a surety that though we might not understand the reasons for all trials, there is one, and when we trust in the Lord, He will lead us through. He loves us and wants to help us. His work and His glory is to help us reach eternal life and feel eternal joy! He´s working for that, so shouldn't we help Him out in that process?! We can choose to lift up our heads, look to heaven, and have Him take over the rest. Trust in Him. He will not lead us astray!
So today, we had a disheartening phone conversation with Azucena--the investigator whom we had the amazing experience with, and she has known for months and had so many signs and answers. She said she wants to keep waiting to be baptized to receive money from her old late husband before getting married, etc. Satan is such a piece and uses astute ways to get to them. She had told us before, she didn't care about the money and we promised her the Lord would provide if she just fulfilled the Lord's commandments! It's so clear and people don't understand!! Hna O was SO ticked and mad and frustrated and sad. I think this is her first experience like this and it's always disheartening when people use the wonderful two edged sword of agency to not choose eternal happiness and joy. If they could only understand!! She knows she isn't choosing the right--she told us--so WHY willfully rebel against God (as the scriptures say)?!!!! Why not choose the Lord and the commandments and choose sacrifice to reap countless eternal blessings? It's so clear. I'm trying really hard to help Hna O be okay, to help her be happy and get through this hard experience because I remember how hard this feels at the beginning. It's cuz we LOVE these people and we LOVE and understand the Gospel and want their eternal happiness. But we can't do it for them! But I also know that it's always a reason: I'm sick to test my faith, my comp's faith, and our investigator's faith to see if they really will stand on their own and want this badly enough. Another trial of faith, but somehow, it's crazy that they don't affect me as much. I'm so grateful and though they are always still a bit hard, I think it has to do with what Elder Washburn mentioned to me; that the work never gets easier, and areas continue to get harder, but somehow we don't feel that these things are harder, and we feel happier and it's because we are stronger. We have grown inside and grown in so many ways thought impossible, that this work gets easier to deal with, to do, to LOVE, to joy in, and help others do the same! It's eternal change, and I'm so grateful for that! This change will affect us forever, our families forever, others´ families forever, and how blessed I am to be a small part of it. (Alma 29:9 I think describes my feelings!!!) maybe....haha I'm not great at exact references but ya pues! :)
I LOVE you all, I LOVE this Gospel, I LOVE being a missionary and am so grateful I'm here. Thank you for your prayers--I pray for you constantly. Give my love to everyone and remember to be happy, laugh, joke, and feel the joy this life was intended to bring! A quote yesterday, I loved from the Mormon Messages was, ¨Men´s hearts fail them because they forget their identity and their purpose.¨ We are children of God. Literally. And He loves us so much! Our purpose is to experience joy and become more like Him. He will help us the whole way if we allow it. So let´s do it! :)
Well, I have got to go, but I love you so much and hope you have an AMAZING week! More details next week.
Love,
Hermana Bryan
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