The Hardest Thing I've Ever Had to Do

Hola Familia y Amigos,

Well I am off to the office and other things---I have no idea what will go on but imagine an interview and dinner, etc.  This week has been AWESOME and full of miracles and tender mercies and my heart is SO full of gratitude and love for my Savior and His love for me and this work and the people here.

I have been in a trio since Wednesday with Hna Diez and Hna Welch!!!!  We knew we would be comps someday :) Hna Welch stays here, Hna Diez has transfers and that was way hard for her but I know it's all according to the Lord and His will.

I've been in and out of feeling like this is all a lie, and I don't believe it, and then bawling because it hits me at random times and my heart breaks into a million pieces.
But before I wanted to go, I wanted to express a final testimony.  And this is the final testimony that I give as a representative of Jesus Christ on the earth.  He lives.  He knows us and loves us.  I have come to know my Savior and my Lord and God and see how they work and how their mercy and love extends to me at all times.  I have come to fully trust them and their will and rely fully on them for everything in my life.  I KNOW that Jesus Christ lives.  He is my Savior, my Redeemer, my best friend, my comfort and guidance and I love love love learning about His doctrine every day and trying to apply it to my life.  I KNOW that this is the true church.  There isn't another with the Priesthood authority of God and I know the miracles and importance of the priesthood.  I know that we have a living prophet here on earth today to lead and guide us.  I know that families can be together forever.  What a blessing and a miracle!!  I know the meaning of true repentance and forgiveness and what it means to apply the Atonement in my life.  I know that by giving Heavenly Father our hearts and will, we give Him all, and our lives are blessed beyond measure.  I know that charity is a true gift and attribute of Christ and that He will help us develop His attributes to become like Him.  That is our potential.  We can become like Him!  Missionary work is real life.  Many people say I am going back to real life, but missionary work and temple work---that is real life.  That is what it is all about.  True joy comes from sharing the gospel.  I know what it is to share my heart and soul with strangers.  I know that without the influence of the Spirit, we can't make decisions, but with the Spirit, we have success and help not only ourselves but everyone else around us.  I know that we can be a light to the world and share love and happiness with everyone we meet.  This gospel brings true happiness!!!!  This is the truth.  The Book of Mormon is true.  Christ lives and wants to bless us.  Obedience is the key to every blessing we receive, and enduring to the end with faith will be the challenge of a lifetime but ultimately the one thing that brings us eternal life and salvation.

What a miracle and privilege for me it has been to serve in Ecuador, love, and grow.  It was never a sacrifice---it is a privilege.  How blessed I feel.  For as much as people think we give when we serve, we always end up leaving much more blessed, and that is how I feel.  I received WAY more than what I could give.  I am my best convert.  I have grown to know my Savior.  I have tried every single day to be better and more diligent and give the Lord my heart.  He blesses us when we do that.

Thank you for being here every step of the way.  It's hard putting a mission into words.  I can't do it justice.  But this has been the best decision I have ever made in my life and leaving is without a doubt, the hardest most heart-breaking and painful thing I have ever done.
But that's when all these lessons learned and spiritual strength found in the mission come in handy, right?  It's time to put it all into practice :)
I love you so much.  Thank you.  The church is true.  What a miracle.

HERMANA Bryan--
Representative of Christ and missionary July 2011-December 2012

Week of MIRACLES

Welp I have like 10 minutes cuz I'm in Condor and still have to visit some families before I go back to Duran, but this week has been incredible.

This week I learned a few hard lessons but incredible lessons--about obedience, trusting in the Lord, working HARD, being super animated and excited, etc.

Really it was amazing and all started with our fast and going to the temple and Christmas Conference with the mission.  We went to the temple fasting and it was incredible how much I have missed the temple and HOW MUCH I learned on Friday!!!!  Wow I learned so much about the Gospel, covenants, why the Doctrine of Christ is so important, the simpleness of God, the importance of the Priesthood and how how how important it is to me, etc.  I still have a ton to learn and understand but wow it was incredible.  I was also blessed to see people from Manta, Francisco, Tarqui and Condor in the temple!  Like the Lord gave me a mini tour of my mission again!  I felt so so so strongly the love of my Heavenly Father and Savior in the celestial room and teared up with such JOY and GRATITUDE for being there in my beloved Guayaquil temple with people I love and just feeling so much love.  What a blessing.

Then in the Conference it was INCREDIBLE how the Lord answered my fast and prayers.  The President and Hna Amaya talked exactly about what I needed to hear wow.  Also the President began to congratulate us and tell us the Hnas de Duran the great job and I don't know why he included us because we haven't had a ton of baptisms but he said, "And Hna Bryan...great job with Hna Diez---we wish you were staying another 1.5 years, we have had GREAT references about you."  Wow I was shocked, and he had me say a prayer and also give a goodbye testimony.  The biggest blessing was that in that moment I didn't feel like I was leaving!  Other blessing and answer to my fast and prayer haha to replace my sadness with work and love and joy and gratitude.  

It was the best day ever.  We did a Christmas presentation that was incredible and hilarious and I'm excited to show videos and pics when I get home.

Saturday we had a Stake cultural activity where we the missionaries had to make food from our countries and share it.  I made brownies and it was awesome because we had food and missionaries from Brazil, Honduras, Mexico, Panama, Ecuador, Peru, and the States!  Also the miracle of the loaves and fishes occurred because we didn't have enough, but my brownies made it for each and every person.  The last person got the last brownie and I was shocked passing them out how there seemed to be more and more.  Wow :)

Ok yesterday in a Stake meeting we had, they rearranged the boundaries of the Stake and called new bishoprics, and the ZLs and us sang, "I Will Not be Still" in Spanish and it was awesome.  Man I'm SO excited for barrio Duran now---the bishopric is AWESOME and they will work tons and the ward is going to have so much success now.  Can't wait to hear results :)  

We were with the other Hermanas de Duran in a sleepover we had last night haha when we got a phone call from the Familia Gonzalez and another Miracle----the hermano decided to be baptized.  It is a MIRACLE.  Literally.  The Lord saw it fit to bless us according to our fasts and prayers and desires of our hearts despite our weaknesses.  He will be baptized in a few hours!!!!  

WOW  I am in awe of how much the Lord loves me and shows me that daily, and how merciful He is being to me as I am finishing out my mission.  Today in Condor He has let me visit everyone I love and even run into people I wanted to see but wouldn't have had time to go visit.  Fam Correa, Angela Jimenez and family---big story there I have to tell, Fam Izquierdo, Hna Dayse, Fam Noriega, etc etc Eduardo who got baptized, etc etc.  Man I feel SO blessed and love it here:)  Feel like I have never left these people I love.  That's what the celestial kingdom will feel like!!!

Well I'm sorry I have no time to write and share scriptures and more details but I promise I will next week!!  Hopefully I will get to write-- hahaha.

I love my mission.  I love Ecuador and these people.  I love my Lord and my God and my Savior, and daily depend on His grace and forgiveness and repentance and faith.  I love trusting in Him.  He literally is a God of Miracles.  Trust in Him and see your life begin to change from His love.

LOVE YOU!!!
The church is true :)
Hermana Bryan

Familia Correa

Angela Jimenez and Family

Refinement

At Mercado Artesanal in typical clothes from Otavalo

Hola Familia and Friends!!! 

Well this has been another great week of opposition and refinement and tender mercies of the Lord.  How blessed I am to be here and learn from my Father what He would have me learn.                              

Hna.Vidrio, Me, Hna. Amador, & Hna Diez

Monday was awesome---we got to go to the Mercado Artesanal and it was so fun and though we were exhausted and dehydrated afterwards from running around buying things for everyone and it was SOOOO humid and we were sweating like crazy, we had great times and memories created together and with the other Hermanas Vidrio and Amador.  I'm sending a pic of me dressed up in typical clothes from Otavalo---part of the cierra of Ecuador :)
Monday night was way way hard.  For some reason all of a sudden, all these doubts and questions and feelings came over me and I felt like such an ungrateful person and spoiled, and felt badly for all of my weaknesses as a person and missionary and it was just one of the deepest things I've felt---I was just lost in profound questions and feelings and it was just hard recognizing so many more weaknesses especially finishing up the mission and questioning things.  Well I was bawling like a little child and Hna Diez was so wonderful, listening and loving, and at one point strongly begging me to come back and not lose myself because that wasn't me and that was the adversary, etc.  That stupid Satan always tries to get in the way.  Well it was a good learning lesson and another wake up call that it's NOT over 'til it's over and I need to do even more!

Tuesday we had a wonderful lesson with Ariana---it was so powerful.  The Spirit was there and testified to her that this was all true, and she expressed her mixed feelings about being baptized but that like all the other major decisions she has made in her life, has seen the wonderful fruits of those decisions and knew it would be the same and be worth it.  She's SO great I love her!!!!
Also we were able to meet with Silvia and we just love her so much---she is so strong and awesome and faithful.

Wednesday morning we had a capacitacion with the Assistants for the 12 week training program for Hna Diez.  It was good and all about PMG and we did practices with the assistants, and it was incredible for me to see how much farther advanced Hna Diez is and how we are all here together in the mission to help each other out.  The practice went great and it was a tender mercy for me to be able to know all the questions and where they were found in PMG and recognize that my goal of becoming a PMG missionary is being reached (though I still have more to go!).
Then in the afternoon all the hermanas in Duran and Guayaquil had exchanges.  I was called to go to Kennedy with Hna Sanchez (remember she was my comp for the week when I opened the area in Samanes to help her and she had been a pretty difficult missionary but had progressed?)  Well it was amazing to see Hna Orantes again and catch up--I love her!!!   I found out that Hna Olguin is in Condor now...NOOOOOO.  Man I'm worried for my converts haha.  

Well Wednesday night was great.  It was wonderful to be able to see Hna Sanchez´s progress and be able to help that area that was dead.  I left lots of notes in the house for her companion (she's an hermana from my group who is super trunky and I left them notes about the need to fill out the area book, etc etc because man this is a sacred work and gave her animos with dealing with her comp)
Hna Sanchez and I went to an inactive lady who had a reference for us and it was a miracle.  The reference--Guillermina had actually listened years ago and been to church a few times but now the Lord had humbled her through her husband's death, major sicknesses she is going through, loneliness, etc and it was a lesson where the Spirit was present and I extended a baptismal date and helped her accept it and trust in the Lord.  The Spirit revealed the same scriptures to Hna Sanchez and I and afterwards, Hna Sanchez said she had never felt like that in a lesson before with anyone else.  I was grateful to be there and help and see the Lord's miracles and recognize that there are elect everywhere!

Thursday was a harder day.  We had to go to the doctor for Hna Sanchez and she ended up getting us lost afterwards for more than an hour.  When I finally paid a taxi to just take us back home, she stopped it in a random place to get out and have us walk for more than 30 minutes more, and I was just frustrated---the Lord still helps me learn patience haha.  We got home and I immediately studied and she didn't, and I was wondering when to say something and when not to, but finally she came in and started studying.  We had an ok day but it was pretty stressful and frustrating so when at 5pm when we got to the terminal to switch back I was SO grateful :)
My comp is AWESOME and so amazing and when she told me everything they did in the intercambio I was so proud of her, and proud and grateful she could help the other hermana forget herself and go to work again.  She told her, "Take the word trunky out of your vocabulary.  Hna Bryan is leaving and she isn't trunky---she's killing herself wondering if she's done enough."  hahahahaha I love my daughter :) She was a great help to this hermana and told her she needed to love and get to know her comp more, like we have gotten to know each other, and apply the como comenzar we learn in the mission to her comp!
We went to Ariana (who had passed her baptismal interview when I was gone and was excited) only to have her tell us that she had thought it through and she didn't want to go through with it yet---later on yes, etc etc.  I was like man, I come back and now have to fix things again and more opposition? haha but was just like yep I'm used to this---the Lord wants to teach us more things.  The worst part is that Kleber defends her----he doesn't understand or even show like he desperately wants this.  I would if I were him.
Miracle on Thursday night is that the Lord helped us find a reference of a member who said he felt like this time listening he should be baptized, etc etc.  Wilson is his name and well he didn't come to church so his date fell through but know he will progress.
Thursday night I was saying my prayers and just crying and begging Heavenly Father for Ariana.  I love her and want her to enjoy the blessings of the Gospel and know she is ready but a bit scared, and her husband and his example doesn't help.

Friday morning was a great study.  I was reading in Job and noticed something.  Satan tried Job so much BECAUSE he was so faithful.  Everyone remembers how he never denied God but reading, Job definitely mourned a ton, cried, wished he didn't have to suffer, asked profound questions too, etc etc but the important thing is that he still trusted God and was bleessed.  We had a wonderful comp inventory and my comp answered a lot of my profound questions without even knowing it! :) that when spiritual levels are higher, opposition is also higher, etc and that Satan is a necessary evil.  Only in overcoming him and his opposition do we recognize how able and willing we are to follow God and show Him how much we love Him. We just both expressed how blessed we feel to have each other.
While teaching Valeria and Kristel (who didn't come to church because their dad didn't give them permission now) we watched the Restoration and it hit me again--I teared up and just felt of its truth again and thought, "It's true!!! And that makes all this worth it."  That's the truth.
Ariana and Kleber were in Guayaquil all day so we couldn't teach them to help her out with her doubts.

Saturday morning I received a HUGE tender mercy after a week of full opposition it seemed like :)  The Christmas conference every year that includes attending the temple was scheduled for the 19th, and I was so bummed realizing I wouldn't be able to go to the Guayaquil temple again.  Well, I had gotten over it, kind of, when the ZLs called us first thing yelling, "WOOHOO HNA BRYAN good news!!!!!!!"  I was expecting a reference and they said laughing and yelling that the Assistants had called them to reschedule our Conference and Temple session for the 7th!!!!!!  THIS COMING FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  They said they barely hung up and called me right away and the Lord had heard and answered their prayers for this (they prayed for this and so did I!  wow love them) and I just felt like that was a HUGE tender mercy and miracle and love of the Lord for me and felt SO grateful.
Well Ariana and Kleber went out of town on Saturday last minute and confirmed that she would not be getting baptized.  We were surprised and hurt but still have faith and were able to see that the Lord helped us be where He wanted us to be that day.

Sunday morning we were doing practices and I had my companion stop and re-do them a few times because it was for Ariana, and I didn't feel the love or worry or care, and knew she could follow the Spirit to touch Ariana.  The last time she got better but then didn't know how to extend a commitment in the same loving way, and she said she didn't know how and felt she couldn't do it, etc etc.  I said she was right that she (Hna Diez) maybe didn't know how but that Someone did, and asked her if she trusted that person.  She paused, said yes and re-did the practice and made me cry, and it was incredible how the Lord answered my prayers for her to feel the difference and experience this, and she just trusted in the Spirit and let Him take control.  She cried too and said she knows now what it is to fully love and to fully trust in the Spirit.  It's so wonderful to see her progress.
I related all this to an article I was reading in a Liahona called, "Teach a Man to Fish" about a young man whose father always took him out to fish and said, "Watch carefully because one day when I am not here you will need to know how to do this."  The young man's father died when he was 16, and he was scared and felt unprepared but relying on the Lord and thinking what his father would do, he was able to do it.  He was prepared and in turn helped teach others as well.
I told her that had been my goal all along---when I am not here that she can do it, and told her she is prepared now and know she will feel insecure and scared but that relying on the Lord, she will do it and grow and be able to train another hermana and teach others all she has learned.
She was crying and said that it also applied to me--that the Lord had been teaching me and preparing me to fish in this time and I know how to do it all now so it's time to apply that alone, and fish and teach others how to as well---as my Father has taught me in the mission.
It was a special time in companionship to reflect on our time together, progress, the mission, the blessings and lessons and miracles we experience in the mission and how grateful I feel to be here and how sad I am to finish and know I will feel when that day comes.  I love being a missionary and I love my Savior!!!

It was a good Sunday---we were able to make sugar cookies with the Fam Gonzalez and help them enjoy a unified family activity and they went around sharing words for us and crying and thanking us, and it was incredible to hear the Hno Armando Gonzalez especially express his heart and love for us, and I felt my Father's hand in that experience letting us know that though we may not have tons of baptisms, we have helped those who have needed us, especially in this time.

I love my Savior.  I love the mission and I know that the mission and life is a refining process, and though opposition isn't really fun, it's an incredible learning experience and I feel grateful to learn from my Father in Heaven.  Romans 8:17-18 how much He blesses us!!!!  Wow. How I love Him!!!!  How humbled I feel to be His representative in this time.  Pray for Ariana please.  I love you so so much!!!  Thanks for your prayers and love.  I love you!

Love,
Hermana Bryan

LOVE Hermana Orantes!

Hermana Sanchez and Me