Never Alone

Bueno Familia,

No tengo mucho tiempo

PERO

this week was one of the hardest weeks of my life!!!!  BUT the good news is that the Lord gave me so much more strength than I thought I had.  My patience was tried like never before, charity, animos, many things.  BUT the Lord blessed me with charity that I didn't even know I had for my companion!!   What a blessing it was to be able to help her, love her, accept her, and silently suffer a bit and trust in the Lord.

Can't lie that I have felt more alone this week than ever but knew that I wasn't ever alone because I have all of YOU praying for me and loving me and supporting me.  The ward is hard---it's pretty desanimado right now and so I literally felt that I had left the celestial kingdom and arrived in outer darkness, hahahaha, sad right??  Literally.  

But I am determined to animate the ward again and the leaders and the members and let them know that we are different and have different attitudes and love and energy for this work.  Also we basically don't have investigators so we need to find God's elect and need lots of help haha.

Thursday during comp inventory my comp told me that I helped her remember who she was.  Who would have known?  Love works.  Patience works.  Not focusing on people's weaknesses and faults works.  Trusting in God works. Prayer and pouring out our hearts works.

Friday we got news that we had President's interviews so we went and he gave us a mini capacitation meeting and it was AWESOME--about gaining the confidence of the members and working with them, and he said that the way to do it is using what you brought here from your house.  That was an answer to prayers--I was determined to gain myself back again and not let anyone affect me or my personality in doing the work!  He also talked about comp relationships and the importance of unity and love and forgiveness and maintaining an eternal perspective.  It's all about that lately---eternal perspective.

In my interview he asked how I was, how my companionship was going and I told him and he wanted my opinion on a few things.  He asked about my life as a missionary and how I feel, and I expressed how GRATEFUL I am as a missionary to be here and love this work, etc.  He knew I needed to study a few things that I was just thinking about--it was awesome! :) hahaha He also asked if I had any questions for him.  My mind raced with a million questions, but I smiled and paused and thought, and smiled at him and said, "President, I have a million questions inside of me.  But any that matter right now, no."  And that was the truth and he knew it, and I'm pretty sure knew they had to do with the future, etc.  He then told me he had a question for me but didn't want to make me not focused, and he asked me if I was sure I wanted to go home in December.  He asked me if I was sure of that and didn't want to wait until January.  I was shocked---not expecting that.  I then said, "Oh President, I don't know, what do you think?!"  He was like, "OH NO!  I don't get involved with that." hahaha But said he only was asking to make sure to buy tickets this week.  I thought and told him yes, I was sure, December.  He said it was prudent to do that and get back into school etc but man, I was wondering why he asked that but felt good about my decision as we have always felt good about it.  In my interview with him I felt his love, I felt his fatherly love and care and worry and I was my total self, laughing, thinking, loving and trusting, and he thanked me a ton.  He gave me counsel to focus 100 percent and enjoy what I do and it was what I needed for what I was going through!!  What a blessing to feel that love from him.

Saturday cool experience eating in a restaurant and a family super curious was asking us questions and it was just SO normal for me to be eating and sharing the Gospel. hahaha Cool.

Sunday I gave a talk and got emotional about how much I felt joy and feel joy in this work.  Church was EXACTLY what we needed and the spiritual re-boost and awareness that Heavenly Father loves me and knows me.  I felt during the sacrament and obtained a testimony that Christ KNEW exactly what I was going through and how I felt, and I KNEW that He did and loved me and felt sad for that and was going to help me.  I knew it and it was something I felt so strongly.  

D&C 6:33-34 were for me this week and how to avoid fears and trust in God and give my all!  Also an article from the local pages here in South America about why there's an opposition in all things.

Well--got news today that I am training and basically opening a new area because I don't know my way around and don't know many people still.  We have a brand new ward mission leader I have to train as well, and starting from zero with a newbie.  Crazy trials! haha BUT I know that with the Lord, He will help me do it and handle it.  Pray for me and for my comp and for the ward leaders and members.  We are going to work with them to animate them and help them feel the joy of this work and find God's elect!  Just to find a balance will be the key :)

Aaaaahh!!! :) hahaha God knew I needed to be super busy during these last few months I think, haha.  

Well I love you all.  I know this church is true.  God lives and loves us. Christ suffered for us.  Missionary work is the best!  Trials are for our own good and growth and we just have to have faith in God and in His promises.

LOVE YOU!!!!

Hermana Bryan

Duran Duran

Welp Family,

The time had to come when the best months of my life would end and they did.  Way by surprise, but inside we had suspected this for a while and felt it.
I got transferred and am now in Duran Ward in Duran Stake.  It's about 45 mins from Guayaquil---super close actually and Hna Alvarez's old ward!  Also--Hna Johansen is in my zone now so that's awesome!
I'm trying to be strong and trying not to focus on the pain and the sadness I feel.  I know it just means I had so many wonderful experiences and eternal relationships formed that changed my heart and life forever.

To sum up my last week in Condor:

Tuesday we had a great study together and a good zone meeting---I made salsa etc and the assistants were there by surprise.  It was a great meeting and Elder Osegueda has progressed SO much as a leader!!  He has grown in love and concern.  I also was really struck by something I read about agency and future decisions, and situations we see here in the mission so I have made a list of goals for myself for after my mission that I'm really excited about.

Wednesday we went to visit Maria and we got there and she said that she had thought and prayed about it and felt like she needed to stay in her religion---that's what her heart felt, etc.  We were sitting there on the couch and had Kevin, David, and Cristian there observing everything.  She was being so sweet and soft about it and apologizing--I literally felt like she was breaking up with us. hahaha It was a horrible feeling!!  But we knew then we had to teach the Restoration, and the Spirit was very very very present in that lesson. Man I hope she chooses to follow the Spirit and be baptized and let go of her fears!!  She is great and would make a great member with her kids.
Also Wednesday Kevin was talking to me and told me how much he has felt different lately, and how everyone has said he has changed, etc and he recognized it finally.  He said he sees things differently now and his vision has completely changed---it's more of an eternal perspective and he feels things spiritually now---they affect him spiritually and said that one of the main things is that he has learned and had so much love grow in his heart that he never knew he had.  He said that is key.  He said it was all from accompanying us and I was way astounded at the extent of our influence on him.  What a miracle and blessing, and I just felt SO grateful to my Heavenly Father for planning all this and allowing me to be part of it.  Miracles in the mission.  There are no coincidences!

Thursday (my 14 month anniversary!) Gaby, Kevin's sister, accompanied us and we had a scary experience. haha Some creeper guy who called and wanted to visit with us and he has lots of problems and tried to get us lost going to his house,etc.  Poor Gaby, hahaha.  Also all week we taught Genesis and Karina and Eduardo.  I'm so sad I won't get to see that progress!!!!  I love them.

Friday I found out about some things that made me mad about Kevin's family's situation and other situations and decisions, and people not wanting to be baptized and I just felt like I don't have control, and I was frustrated I don't have more control over lots of things and would like to help the world---why don't people get it?!
Also realized I have to put God first in everything---before studies as well, and everything will be good but that includes dedicating more time to the things of the Lord.  Many things I recognized.

Saturday we didn't have a single lesson ALL afternoon!!!  But Karina and Eduardo put on a BBQ to fundraise their wedding and made 70 bucks, so we were excited about that.  They are SO ready.

Sunday was a great day.  We had lunch with Kevin's family, had a wonderful lesson with his mom and brother and sister.  We visited Angela and I know she will accept one day and I hope it's soon!  Visited Steven, Karina and Eduardo, and Genesis.  While watching a video about the temples with Genesis, I got so teary and just felt like everything would be ok and that (the temple and eternity) is what really matters.  I can't wait to go back there and find answers and feel the strength again and reassurance there.  I miss the temple!!!!  How blessed we are.

Well, then transfer calls came late at night, and I have to say I'm so grateful the Lord helped me to say goodbye to the people I loved, and to have seen so many miracles in that ward. Truly best months of my life.  I know many things are to come here, and I'm going to be strong and give it my all.  3 months!!

LOVE YOU!!!!  The church is true!!!
Hermana Bryan

No os Canseis de hacer lo Bueno

Hola familia and friends!!!

I love you all :)

I wanted to thank Hna Angulo and Hna Goering for their emails last week---exactly exactly what I needed and tender mercies for sure.  Thank you!!

So this week was pretty hard but also full of tender mercies.  I sound like a broken record saying that week after week probably. haha That's the way life and the mission go right?!  Awesome.

Tuesday at Zone meeting our ZLs Elder Osegueda and Elder Tibanlombo were totally making fun of my man/cracked/sick voice at the back of the room as I was sharing ideas and bearing testimony.  hahaha  Sad.  Also the hermano who lives next door heard me cough and he was like, "Oh YOU were the one who kept us up all night!  I thought it was a huge man downstairs dying or something!"  hahaha So sad.
Tuesday the Lord helped us get everywhere in time by sending us cars or members at the exact time we were somewhere to get us to somewhere else.  The Lord takes care of us!  Also David's birthday was Tuesday and we got together with the Fam Valarezo and all their fam and had a mini FHE about missions and celebrated---it was so cool :)  I love these people! 

Wednesday and Saturday we saw Stefania again and she knows it all and knows it's true, and just is not willing to exercise her agency accordingly yet.  Sad.  I hope the Lord gives her another opportunity because I feel like this is her time and she isn't taking advantage of it!
Wednesday we also had a hard lesson with Karina and Eduardo---we fought the Spirit a lot for it to be there and Eduardo wanted to contend quite a bit but then in the end, recognized the truth of our message and their need to increase their faith and the truthfulness of this message.  Also Maria is a new person---a reference from a member and we got to see her for a small period of time on Wednesday and the Spirit told me strongly that she needed to hear the Plan of Salvation.  Turns out her husband had died and she is a widow---how grateful I am for the Spirit!

Thursday we had a great planning session and comp inventory.  I had a cool experience in the mirror getting ready.  I looked at my reflection and responded in Spanish without even thinking about it to something my comp asked me, and saw my nametag and just had this mini revelation again, and an awesome, joyful recognition that I'M A MISSIONARY!!!!  What joy!!!!  I never thought I would be living this or experiencing this, yet here I am joyfully living this life as a missionary as it has become such a normal thing to me and my everyday life.  Love it.
I felt the Spirit's guidance and protection on Thursday----not getting on a bus, etc.  We had a really cool and strong experience with Elizabeth.  She is a reference that hasn't been able to meet with us much but we always feel really good with her.  Wow.  The Spirit was SO strong and the member who accompanied us never had accompanied us before but it was perfect--the Lord provided her company and testimony and I just had chills the whole time!  Elizabeth accepted baptism!!!!!  Even though she was a Catholic missionary and has trouble accepting why Jesus´s name is Jehovah and not God´s name---that's her big question and doubt and we've tried explaining with scriptures but she still doesn't understand----Stefania related a personal experience about praying and then accepting the answer if it's true, it's ALL true.
We are still gaining Angela's confidence and she is reading the BOM and being touched very little by little :)

Friday we had a strong opposition day learning to make correct decisions and learning how to make things work, and talk things out as a companionship and communicate more instead of just assuming.  I hate being human sometimes and how we have weaknesses and make mistakes, but it all helps us learn and grow! Lots and lots, and we are being prepared.  That is FOR sure.
Steven accompanied us on Friday!!!!!   He is so awesome.  He shared his STRONG testimony and how this gospel has changed his life.  Wow he´s incredible and his life has made a complete 180 degree turn.  He is already preparing himself to go on a mission and he's already a missionary!  I love his thirst for knowledge and doing the things of God and dropping whatever to go on visits, etc.  This is the joy of missionary work!!  Seeing conversion and the after-effects and fruits of this conversion!!!  What a blessing.

Saturday I woke up at 4am pretty dang sick---what else is new? haha My former infection hadn't left and I got another infection, but my theme all day was: Every trial is a blessing!  I felt like the pioneers with the sun so hot and strong shining down and me being sick and dizzy etc and just said in my mind, "If they could do it for Christ, so can I!"
The Lord has blessed us with a doctor here in the ward on the street behind us so she helped me out.
We had a lesson with Maria and I got really teary hearing the hermana who is her friend share her experience and testimony, and then she bore testimony of the missionaries.  She said we were angels and we do all we do and make sacrifices for Christ, and as she said that I looked up and saw the huge picture of Christ in their house, and in my situation felt that we won't be sick after this life and it's all worth it now and here---I accepted this before this life and now He is the reason why we keep moving forward!!  He made all sacrifices for us so why can't I?!  How I love my Savior and His grace.
Genesis---David's cousin is going great and is excited for her baptism and marriage.  Elizabeth prayed and got her answer that the church is true and described her feelings as feeling something strong in her chest and wanting to cry.  She was way excited!  Pray for them that they continue and remember their answers and can be baptized the 22nd.
Karina and Eduardo are so ready---they just need a paper to get married that seems like it will take forever so we are praying for a miracle.  Prayers are very welcome for them and their situation!

Sunday everyone came to church!!  Angela (which was a miracle because she was supposed to work but the hermanas persuaded her to come haha) and her daughter Adriana, Karina and Eduardo, Genesis, Stefania.
There was a talk given about missionary work and I loved what was said---I felt like the Lord was talking to me.  He spoke a lot about grace (wouldn't ya know!) and about not getting tired of doing good and keeping our attitudes up and high (which I needed reminders of as I'm tired now in the mish in many aspects but can't let that affect anything!)  He said, "This is the work of the Lord and the only thing that qualifies us for it, besides D&C 4, is His grace."  He also said as human beings that we are, we couldn't do it---it all depends on His grace.
He then talked about how many people pray for the missionaries and then said that the Lord doesn't ask many things of us, just a broken heart and a contrite spirit and a good attitude.  He quoted the scripture, "No os canseis de hacer lo bueno" (which I've read so many times lately--coincidence I think not!)

Sunday morning we were waiting for church to start and I was in the bathroom and I heard someone come in and ask Hna Alvarez if she was my companion and I said HOLA!  But thought it was someone from the ward, etc, and I came out and saw Marcela Diaz (the mom of the Diaz family from Francisco de Orellana!!!) She had come to visit me---tender mercy for sure.  Another tender mercy was going to a lesson and seeing Douglas with 2 other men doing visits in their white shirts and ties and recognizing how awesome it is seeing them every week in their white shirts and ties and Mayra in her skirts, and them paying tithing and preparing to do baptisms on Saturday, etc.  WHAT JOY!  Wow sometimes I overlook these things and then realize how blessed I am to even have this opportunity, and what joy it is to have been able to participate in a very small way in their conversion or their lives.  And how much I love them all!
I love that in 2 Nephi 30:8 it says God's work.  He works!  We are privileged enough to be helping Him in His work!

Today I found something that I LOVED in the mission handbook about dedicating a home.  It described 5 purposes of a home, and this is what I had and what I am determined to create in my future home.  What a blessing to be able to strive to create a home where:
1) the Holy Ghost dwells
2) family members worship the Lord
3) family members find refuge from the world
4) family members progress spiritually
5) family members prepare to have eternal relationships

Create a home like this! :)  There is so much joy and love that awaits us as we follow Christ and His example and share the Gospel with others and strive to be better each and every day.  Let us depend on His grace and then get up and get to work and do our part!!!  I love this Gospel.  It is true!  I love being a misionary.  I love my Savior.  So so much.  I know He lives and I know He loves us.  It is something I know because I have felt it, I have prayed about it, I have received answers, and I have lived this.  The Book of Mormon is true.  There is a prophet of God on earth today to guide us.  Heavenly Father wants to give us knowledge, guidance, and answers to our prayers.  Let us do our part to make that possible and have Him bless our lives.  He loves you!  Share the Gospel with someone this week :)

Love you so much!
Hermana Bryan

The Lord's Mouthpieces

Hola familia and friends!!

Well don't have much time so I will get going :)

Tuesday: we had a zone meeting and it was SO inspiring.  The Lord has prepared our ZLs now to take over and receive revelation and I felt the Spirit so strongly and it was exactly what we needed to hear.  What a blessing!  We then went to eat lunch at the RS president's house and it was so touching to talk to her and listen to her and hear about her service.  She told us that the ward loves us a lot a lot and that was very touching to hear from a leader and their perspective.  She then expounded on situations in the ward she would like us to be aware about that not even her counselors know because she doesn't trust many people.  Knowing those things is kind of heavy and I want to save everyone and have everything be ok!  Dang it agency :)
So Stefania was going to have her interview for baptism on Tuesday and we went by her house and she wasn't there.  We were like, man not again.  We called her and she didn't answer and then the Lord blessed her to answer the second time and she was actualy home but didn't hear us so we got to go to the interview and she passed and was set to get baptized!!!
Also Karina and Eduardo are progressing so so much and love the company of the ward missionaries :) What a blessing.
Also on Tuesday Elder Osegueda told me that he put Elder Garcia in my district and not the other way around haha, and so we are trying really hard to have charity and love and serve him and help him the best we can.

Wednesday I woke up SO happy!  I loved the scripture Alma 57:27.  Before lunch, we went over to Kevin's house to help his mom with her work and share a message with her.  She ended up opening up everything to us and crying and we were there to comfort her and set goals and she is great, and I just love love love that family!  I know things will be fine if she keeps working.  This has shown me that in hard hard trials, if I give up, I will spiritually go downhill and we can't give up!!  Ever!
We had burritos at lunch and that was so so awesome after a year plus of not tasting that :)
The Lord helped us meet our goals this day and we were SO tired but we can't get tired of doing good as D&C states! :)
We enjoyed Kevin's and Cristian's company and gospel conversations and insights, and it's been SO incredible to see their progress and hear their testimonies.  Wow!  Also this day we went by Ronald again because I had been feeling strongly like we should and he asked us why we came back and I laughed and told him sincerely I didn't know but just felt like we should, and he was way surprised and grateful and just thanked and thanked us for coming.  We will see if he progresses but at least we were able to comfort and bless his life in a very small way as Christ would do.

Thursday was a pretty rough day for me.  Satan is such a piece---he knows that he can't get me in any other way so he attacks my feelings sometimes.  I was super super down on myself for my weaknesses and have been SO beyond aware of them and was just tired of recognizing so many of them and trying to overcome them because I felt like no matter how hard I try or what I do or how many great intentions or desires I have, it will never be enough and I will never measure up. 

BUT
Friday the Lord helped me have an AWESOME study about grace.  I read the definition in the Bible Dictionary and some words and feeling stuck out to me and then I read in the April Ensign by Elder Bednar his talk about the Atonement and grace and it was INCREDIBLE and so helped me (pgs 15-19 especially.)  I loved Alma 31:38 and am a witness of that.  We will not suffer afflictions more than what we feel in the joy we experience.  In the mission there are lots of trials but lots of JOY and the joy swallows up the pain and sadness in an instant!  I was so touched by the mercy and love and grace of the Lord for us and how He considers His own trials as nothing, and thus, wants to help us in ours.  What mercy and love.  I'm so so so grateful for His grace.  I know that we can all receive it if we do all we can.
We then had a great day with Kevin's family, with Stefania that she totally totally resisted temptation and said she didn't even want to do those things anymore and had experienced that change of heart and conversion, etc.  We had a fight of a lesson with Angela and with the Spirit and are just praying she opens her heart and feels this and can be baptized.

Saturday we had the incredible blessing of being able to have a conference with Elder D. Todd Christofferson of the 12 Apostles.  Wow!  We got there and they had Hna Alvarez and I sit on the very front row.  I had prepared questions throughout the week and written them down--questions I wanted answers to and knew they would be answered but didn't know how powerfully.
First we got to hear from the wife of Elder Rafael Pino of the 70 and she was cute.

We then got to hear from Elder Rafael Pino and he was awesome!!  Something he said I loved was that if we look for harmony in our lives, we will receive sweet feelings to know what to do in our lives.  He focused a lot on having an eternal perspective of things so we can appreciate more and fulfill our callings in life.  He then did a mini example where he had an elder come up and as if he was finishing the mission he removed his nametags, took his mission handbook and asked some questions: What time will you get up the next day?  Will you study your scriptures?  What kind of TV or music will you allow?  What will you do?, etc
Some good things to think about.  He then told us to take advantage of our time and not lose it, and to convert ourselves to the Lord, Jesus Christ, and focus on our objective and we will see the blessings from doing that all throughout our lives.

Hermana Christofferson then spoke and then Elder Christofferson.  Wow he is awesome and has a great sense of humor too!  His hair was so so glowy white :) and he was just super smiley and warm the whole time.  We got to shake his hand one by one and he started off his talk by telling us how much they love us.  I could literally feel that when he said it.  He talked a lot about charity and service and how there is little defense against love :) haha so true!  He spoke a lot about the power of the BOM and the need to use it in all lessons and let it change these peoples' lives.  He talked about re-activation and old investigators.  He talked a ton about faith and how we literally walk by faith every day because we have no idea how our day will end or how each lesson will go, etc.  He said that when we act and walk by faith, the Lord will guide and provide for us, but that sometimes we have to start without knowing how it all will end.
I loved when he said that each time, it's more easy to perceive and understand the Lord's will, the Spirit's promptings and that we will be able to fulfill what we need to do with our lives' missions.
He then said that when they see our pictures and assign us missions, they feel the profound love of our Heavenly Father for us.  How neat it was to hear and watch him try to express that.  He then said, "You are not unknown in any way to our Heavenly Father.  He knows your desires, your worries, your thoughts.  He always takes you into account.  With TONS of confidence and trust, you can ask for His help and express everything to Him." 
His talk was based on 5 questions he asked from the audience of all us missionaries and he expounded on those.
He then gave us his Apostalic blessing which was my FAVORITE part.  He blessed us that we can perceive more than ever the love our Heavenly Father has for us, and that in these days we will be able to feel and perceive that and that He knows us.  He blessed us with a more profound faith and that the knowledge of that love that God has for us will help us get up, work, and continue growing and progressing so we can get to a point where our faith becomes a power that has capacity to change (reality or circumstances, he said.)  He blessed us with faith to be obedient, to get married and raise a family, to be faithful and then said that the saints with faith will be happy and will overcome.
He blessed us with spiritual gifts to be able to be better teachers, to give stronger testimony, etc and if it is our desire, we can receive the exact words and power that like Nephi, people won't be able to disbelieve or doubt when we teach.
He then paused for a long time and looked down and then up and said, "Some of you are wondering and asking if your service is worthy before the Lord, if He accepts your offering, if He respects your offering and if you are worthy.  If it is your desire to know, I bless you that you can receive your answer through a feeling that YOU ARE WORTHY and HE ACCEPTS.  There isn't a greater answer than knowing that you are worthy.  He is pleased and happy and you are deserving to be here."  He then asked us to imagine us kneeling before the Lord one day as He tells us He is happy with us and pleased for our service, and that that vision will give us the faith, strength, courage to continue forward forever.  He then mentioned Christ's grace and that it is sufficient to purify and sanctify us.

WOW.  I literally felt Heavenly Father's voice through Elder Christofferson answering my heart's deepest questions or concerns.  I was bawling and needed that answer, and felt the Lord's personal love and awareness of me and my situation.  How grateful I am for the priesthood, to have apostles and prophets on the earth today to guide and direct us and bless our lives and be the Lord's literal witnesses and mouthpieces.  I KNOW they are called of God.  It is something I know.  I testify that Elder Christofferson is an Apostle of God and everyone who heard him this weekend has felt that.  I know that God lives and He loves us and is aware of us and always blesses us with comfort and answers to our prayers.

Bad news of the week was that we were walking to go to the baptism and got a phone call (on our new cell phone they gave us yeaaahhh!!! finally have a cell) that Stefania had left and said she wasn't going to be baptized after all and just bolted out of her house.  WHAT?!  Crazy.  We have no idea what's going on with her but were too happy and filled of trust and faith and gratitude from the conference that we kept walking and teaching and know that it's the Lord's will.

Sunday was good--we have had oppostition with finding new people and finding people who want to progress.  Kevin and David and Cristian accompanied us and something really neat was talking to Cristian's dad and him expressing to us how much of a help we have been to his sons and their progress and testimonies and how grateful he is.  Wow.  We feel the same way for them!  It's INCREDIBLE seeing their progress and change and feeling them testify with the Spirit now!!  David gave us a ref of his cousin's wife and we went there and the Lord blessed us so much.  We went in there and she expressed to us why she wanted to hear the lessons again, etc and the Lord guided my words to extend a baptismal date for Sept 22 and she accepted and it was incredible.  David was shining with happiness and surprise and we just KNEW she is one of those elect the Lord has blessed us with.  We are so grateful for that!

Well I have to go, but I LOVE you all!!  Thank you for your prayers and love and thoughts.  I know this church is true.  I love being a missionary and am excited to continue in this work all throughout my life and throughout the eternities.  Missionary work is the best, and there is no other joy or happiness or love that quite compares.  Let this joy and light and love into your lives and make it contagious!  Love you all!  Have a great week!

Hermana Bryan