Well this week was CARAZY and my head, like spins, when I think about it all, haha, but sha pues (as our Argentinian ZL says--he leaves tomorrow :( ).
Tuesday I was dizzy but I went to Zone meeting and we got to do practices and it was SO incredible! The whole time, I was like YES--this is what District Meetings are supposed to be like! The elders were SO great and awesome and helped us so much with our investigators. They really focused on them and received revelation and helped us so much during our practices for Azucena and Paul. What a blessing. Then we went to Choir Practice at the Kennedy!!!!! I loved those meetings and Hna Jo told me she's coming home with me and we are going to be roomies!!!! What a tender mercy from the Lord. I was thinking I'd be all alone at BYU and not knowing what to do with myself when I got back, but once again, the Lord puts His hand in our lives. I felt SO grateful and humbled.
Tuesday we had a two hour lesson with Azucena and her husband. I had called her in the afternoon to ask her if we could visit her and she said if we wanted to, but she didn't want us talking about baptism or pressuring her, etc etc etc and I just listened and said ok, and that we would come by later. We got there and she and her husband basically starting talking about baptism and our phone conversations, etc and all their marital fights and problems and wanting counsel etc. I told them that we weren't going to talk about baptism, and came to talk about something else (law of chastity--the elders totally were inspired during the practices) and that we can't give marital counsel per se but the counsel we were going to give them would solve all their problems. We then listened to everything they had to say and could tell it felt better for them to get that off their chests, and then shared scriptures, were loving, very bold, etc. We told them that Satan was using everything against them to make them choose worldy things and money over the Lord. We told them that the Lord is a God of miracles and we have to trust that! We explained the seriousness of not being married and THAT was the reason why they had so many problems, etc. Her husband told us he was very clear on that commandment and what it means and the consequences, etc. but when it came down to it at the end, he told her to not make a decision yet, and they said that not yet. Basically he is and they are ¨wilfully rebelling against God¨ as states the scriptures. HOW or WHY would someone knowingly do that?!!! How Stupid! It's just so clear all the blessings we receive, yet still don't choose that. We choose what we think is the easiest route when it's actually not. They are going to continue waiting for the money, waiting to get married, waiting to get baptized, waiting for God to change and bless their lives basically. Hna O was very disappointed but we felt relieved afterwards. We have done ALL we can do. It's always their choice! We can see that it's eating away at her and at their marriage, and she came to church and wants us to come by. But we will see! Oh the influence of the adversary--that piece. :) We will still support and love but we can't get married for them haha.
Wednesday--we got like no sleep Tues night because Elder Waddell had asked each and every missionary to prepare 5 talks (all the lessons in PMG) because he was going to randomly call on missionaries to share during the conference. Talk about stressful!!! haha. So ya we were preparing those. We also had a med appt before and like we all knew, nothing was wrong in my blood work. So they gave me pills that help with dizziness (Diph something, Dad) and referred me to the ear doctor. The conference with Elder Waddell was INCREDIBLE. Man. He is HUGE--like SO tall, he towered over every tall gringo in the mission it was crazy!!!! He had served his mission in Spain and was Mission Pres there as well later on, so he totally talked Spanish with the lisp accent and cracked us all up. He also wanted to greet us all and have us introduce ourselves, and before I could stick out my hand he stuck his out and smiled at me and said, ¨You´re not from around these parts are you?!¨ hahaha How could he tell?! :) He was just so loving, kind, yet so powerful. It was exactly what I needed. I could just literally feel his love, feel his support, his worry, and he felt like a dad to me! He brought the Spirit SO strongly and shared some really neat things. I felt like I was in the MTC again--the Spirit was that strong and powerful and tiring. What a blessing. The real tender mercy of the Lord was when I realized that everything he talked about, he addressed something that I had just been talking about with Hna Orantes or Hna Johansen or reading the week before in my scriptures and lds.org. It was crazy. The Lord was preparing me for that conference ahead of time, and confirming all those spiritual truths I had learned and thought about through him. Wow. He talked about ¨real growth¨and I had just read an article about that on lds.org. We are now focusing on retention and not just baptism. I've always felt that way--that the people I baptize, I want them to truly be converted and endure to the end! Isn't that the point?! Not just baptisms, and who knows if they will go inactive. No. We want to baptize converts. Always felt that way :) Also he talked to us about the Spirit and doctrine of conversion. He posed the questions: How does a missionary know if they are successful? He then asked, can a missionary who doesn't baptize be successful? He then asked vice versa. Then he said, so can a missionary who doesn't have the Spirit baptize? Yes, unfortunately. He then said, that maybe they will baptize but they will NEVER have success. Success cannot be had without the Spirit. It was something I had shared with Hna Orantes. That even though we haven't baptized, and my whole mission I've struggled with that, I've come to realize that I personally measure my success by if I feel the Spirit, if I'm worthy of His companionship, and if I feel Him testifying to others through me. PMG also talks about how we know we've had success, and those bullet points don't mention baptize. Of course it's part of it, but the real success lies in the Spirit! The Spirit is the KEY in all we do in missionary work! And without it, no missionary can have success, it doesn't matter how many numbers or lessons or baptisms he or she has. So true! Unfortunately we can't control other people's agency or decisions, but we CAN control our obedience, our worthiness, our teaching, who we are, etc. He then taught us about how to teach, and we should follow Christ's example. He was loving but then asked if His voice was weak? NO! He was loving but bold! So true! Just so many things confirmed, and it was incredible. I got direct answers to my questions and prayers, and found out what I need to improve on, what our area needs, our companionship, and what we are doing well.
The church is true!! :)
So we left just on a high and though I was dizzy and tired all day, it was SO worth it! On the way home, in the taxi, I realized that my wallet was no where to be found. STRESSFUL haha. My family is awesome and so is the secretary, and things were figured out, but it kind of is hard to feel so helpless at times in the mission. So I turned my trust to the Lord and we went and visited Paul. It was a good lesson and he opened up to us about some things that are maybe holding him back. They are minor issues, so we just have to have patience there! We got home and my stress, tiredness, sickness hit me, and we had a tough night with me and Hna Orantes but the Lord knows what we need and we needed that growing experience.
Thursday was a learning day. I felt pretty down from a lot of things going on and was able to open up completely with Hna Orantes and have her understand, and was able to just get everything out to the Lord and her. I felt better, though still a bit down, but the Lord was making me learn how to battle the adversary and how to handle stress. I feel like that is one of the main lessons He always helps me learn. We were able to go out later and I felt SO grateful to the Lord that I felt energy and felt good enough to go out!
Friday morning during comp study Hna Orantes said she wanted to share with me what she had studied the last few days as I was sick. She related Alma 38: 2-5 to me and in every verse where the Lord says my son, she put my daughter, Hna Bryan. She especially applied verse 3 to me and 5, and I was just crying and crying. I felt so humbled and have known I couldn't do anything without the Lord, and knew that He was letting me know through her and her tears and understanding, that He loved me, that it was ok what I have been able to do, that I need to trust in Him and be ok! I had studied a lot about grace and really have been trying to use the Atonement and let Christ take my burdens away. What a miracle that we have that eternal gift. I have been humbled these last two weeks and trying to fully be patient, and trust in the Lord. Sometimes it is too easy to let our burdens or stress get to us, then the adversary comes in and gets us down and makes us think so much less about ourselves than what we are, etc. Then we end up losing ourselves! That's why the Lord always always always lets us know He is there. That is why prayer is so vital. That is why trust, faith, patience, and hope are all key. That is why the Atonement exists (among other reasons), and that is why we are here on earth--to learn and progress and be stronger through each trial and experience! What a blessing and what a miracle. I was also studying about hope, and I love the words used to describe hope in Ether 12:4. It's interesting to note that in real life we use hope as uncertainty, but a desire. In terms of the Gospel, hope is not uncertain. It is firm, sure, steadfast, anchor, always---all these constant, firm, certain action words. I love hope!!!
Saturday was such a blessing. Though I wasn't completely better, I felt I got myself back! We walked ALL day but the Lord heard our prayers and made the climate do-able and though all our contacts, lessons, etc fell through, he blessed us with happiness, joy, and conversations with an investigator we have, whom we love. We then found out that a reference we thought impossible, moved into our area and she already has desires to be baptized, etc. Yes, the Lord blesses us mercifully and undeservingly, but what a loving Father He is! Also Saturday was my mom's BDAY!!!!!!!! And Hna Orantes' mom´s bday too!!
Sunday we woke up and had no water. Logan, you think your farmhouse is ghetto. Ok, we don't have water sometimes at nights or in whole days because Ecuador decides to do maintenance. So I have had to go without showering to church twice already. GROSS. It wouldn't be as gross if we didn't sweat all day here cuz of the humidity. You get the picture haha. Ghetto but we love it :) Sunday we had to give our weekly numbers and I told our district leader to not cry before I read them haha. It was disappointing because we really have been trying and we have all the desires in the world, but things haven't been working out. He understood and said he was going through the same. Then he called back an hour later and said to put him on speaker and he wanted us to get our BOMS out. He taught us using Mosiah 7. It was SO incredible and exactly what we need. He said that these 16 strong men obviously had the Spirit and were incredible. Yet they still wandered erroneously for a while. They had the spirit though! But that still happened. Then they didn't get treated as they would have liked, etc. and they still had the spirit! Anyway the end story is their circumstances and results of their travels didn't change who they were or the Spirit they had. He then asked us to read Alma 26:27 and I've always LOVED that scripture! What a blessing it is to have leaders who love us, care for us, and share in our joys and trials and motivate and encourage us.
Today, though we didn't have changes, we are now going to be living with 2 other sisters. Another hermana I lived with before and then a new one. Hna Orantes and I will have to help and encourage and teach a lot this change, but that's why we were able to stay together I think. HOW I LOVE the mission!!!
So many experiences in such a short little time, to teach us so much and help us grow and change our eternities and the eternities of those around us. I love this opportunity and feel so grateful. I know the church is true. I know the happiness that fills our lives as we live the Gospel. I know that Heavenly Father knows us personally and shows us His love daily. I know families can be together forever and what a blessing that is! I know the Lord is merciful and forgives our faults and weaknesses and constantly helps us to be better. I feel that daily. I love the mission, I love this Gospel and I love you all!!!
Thanks for your prayers and support. I always need and feel them :)
Love,
Hermana Bryan
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