How dare I ever question the Lord´s hand in my life. I have been very humbled this week by very difficult circumstances and very distinct blessings and just KNOW that the Lord has His hand in my life and in His missionary work. I´m so so grateful to be His missionary and strive to be more worthy of that calling every day.
So Tuesday we had the incredible blessing of going to the temple!!!!!! Hna Martinez wasn´t leaving until the afternoon and wanted to go to the temple so Hna Goering and I accompanied her. What an incredible blessing. My perspective immediately and completely changed towards Hna Goering and the challenges ahead and I honestly can´t explain it but know it was the Lord blessing me with that. I felt so content, patient and loved wholly my comps and our experiences.
Tuesday I also got to see Hna Angulo right before she left for the airport! She left me two cards--what a blessing she has and will be in my life. We also visited on Tues night Cristian and his family--WOW. I LOVE him and his fam!! We felt so great about them. The mom has such desire and interest in reading the Book of Mormon and finding out if it´s true and this week told us that she felt all of this was true and it´s something that can´t be found in other religions and she feels it´s true. Cristian accepts everything but has doubts about the First Vision-Joseph Smith. He wants so badly to believe but it´s new and surprising for him. Luckily, the class yesterday was exactly for that and directed towards him and during a video, he started smiling super bigly and we could tell he was feeling something. We have FHE tonight with some young adults and are going to watch The Restoration. Pray for him!! and his mom!!
Thursday we had a capacitation meeting with Pres Amaya and the trainers and it was wonderful. Then we got our comps and my comp's name is Hermana Palma from Honduras but she lives in Nicaragua. We then had another meeting and it´s always so great to be with him and learn from him and Hermana Amaya. We waited forever for them to get their IDs and the other sisters and I got to sing Christmas hymns in a public bus terminal haha it was crazy but so fun and great and I had the opportunity to get to know and feel really close to a few other hermanas.
From now on I don´t have specifics because everything else has been a blur but these last few days have been so so difficult. Starting Thurs night, Hna Palma cried and cried and cried and unloaded everything on Hna Goering and I. Her experience in the CCM destroyed her--her comp was horrible and literally destroyed her. She has arthritis and other health bone problems and can´t walk much and after a lot of talking she told us she wasn´t completely honest in her mission papers because she wanted to serve a mission badly so she wrote what they wanted to hear health wise so they would be approved. She actually received a negative answer to serving a mission when she prayed but came anyway because she had desire. I can´t even imagine that! The mission is too hard to not have an answer and assurance to remember that we need to be here. So now she´s regretting it and because of that, has only been able to think of herself, her feelings, and situation. That´s been the hardest for me--trying to make someone have the perspective, want to work, love the work, think in the investigators and not herself, put her heart in it, have a good attitude etc. She complains about studying the program and practicing and that kills me because I LOVE that time! There is so much to learn and that's the time we receive revelation for our investigators and it´s incredible.
Well Hermana Palma has done amazing, wonderful things in Nicaragua for the church. Her stories are wonderful, super humbling and inspiring. But this has been so hard for her and told us that she finally felt she got an answer that she has to go back home. It´s been difficult but also really good for learning. I know that Hna Goering and I were supposed to be her comps during this time to build her up, listen to her, open her heart, correct her with love, and keep going.
I can´t even DESCRIBE to you HOW much of a blessing Hna Goering has been in my life. How dare me for listening to other missionaries. Wow the Lord had his hand in this whole situation. He knew how hard this experience training Hermana Palma would be and that I would need extra support during this time. She is always supporting my words, backing me up, giving comfort, being there as well, having an extra hand but more than anything, she knows how I feel. She had a hard experience training a sister who struggled a lot with emotional problems and also similar things to Hermana Palma and wanted to go home and actually ended up going home. Coincidence that the only missionary who had that experience as a trainer was put with me to train my comp? No way. The Lord knows everything. I´ve learned a lot of patience yet actually this experience has made me realize and feel that I am a missionary 100% and my whole being and heart is in the work and the investigators. It´s been super time consuming being in charge of everything but also great and wonderful to make me realize and recognize who I am as a missionary and how much I LOVE this work and LOVE being a missionary and want everyone else to feel the same way! This is the best decision I ever made. The trials don´t stop but neither does the progression!
Eliana had a baptismal interview and talked about her fears with the elders and didn´t accept. She doesn´t fully feel or understand or accept and doesn´t want to be baptized. I started crying when we talked with our ZLs afterwards because that was the last straw of everything and I hadn´t cried a bit in all of this up until Sunday! Amazing for me especially in the mish haha. Elder Bushnell was so so concerned and genuinely wanted to help--what a blessing. Pray for her. We are at a loss of what to do and maybe she will be one of those that don´t progress but has taken parts of my heart as well. We cry for the people we LOVE with all our hearts that make the decision to not progress.
Last night Hna Goering and I stayed up really late talking and it was SUCH a blessing. She shared the things she saw in me and her feelings of being my comp and we got to tak and share experiences and I am so so so forever grateful for her in these days and for being able to be with someone like her. It´s fun to have a Gringa for a comp and also INCREDIBLE how focused she is. She doesn´t even think about the fact that in a few days she will be home! Amazing.
Well today Hermana Palma met with Pres Amaya and turns out she is going home. I have no idea why I was called to be a trainer for a week. I know that the Lord has His reasons and I´m a bit disappointed I can´t train and watch her progress and progress with her and I have no idea who I´ll be with or if Tarqui will have missionaries--kind of like Manta? haha crazy. But only can trust in the Lord.
I really love love love being a missionary and feel so grateful for every opportunity the Lord sees fit to give me. I miss you all tons especially at this time of year but know that at Christmas time that we can reflect on our Savior Jesus Christ and what He gave for us. Let us give our lives in service to Him and to everyone around us. Pray for the situation of our area and for our companionship until she returns home. I am going to keep studying with her up until the moment she goes home :) I love this work!! And I love you all so so so much!!!
Have an amazing week and give my love to my best friends getting married this week! How I wish I was there.
Love,
Hermana Bryan
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