Remembering

Hola Familia!!
Well I want to start off first by saying, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to my dad and grandpas, uncles, and everyone else out there!!!!
This week has been way way full of ups and downs.

So Monday we revised things in Condor, our new area, and it was horrible--the area book was empty, everything was out of order and it just surprised me how much people don't take care of these spiritual things.

Tuesday we went to District Meeting and it was SO great to see the hermanas from Guayacanes and Samanes there and to be in the same district and the same zone.  I love these people :)  Elder Tellez, a new elder from Argentina told us his story and I was just SO impressed.  He said that the elders always tried to commit him to being baptized  and he never accepted, but that he accepted to pray more about it and he felt so strongly in his heart that he should be baptized that HE called the missionaries and told them he wanted to be baptized and when, etc.  I was so impressed with that!

Wednesday I was pretty dang down because of how sick I had felt (dizziness, stomach things, etc) and cried a bit--my comp has been great about trying to understand and take care of me when I'm not feeling well but it's still not the same.  Even though I felt that way, we still went out and I was feeling pretty bad outside and wanted to return, but stayed out.  Good thing, too, because Gustavo (Hna Jo's convert) was stitting outside on his balcony reading the BOM, waiting for us.  It was such a tender mercy from the Lord to be with him!  Literally I felt SOO much love for him because I know how much Hna Jo loves him and because I could feel Heavenly Father's love for him, and because he reminds me of Julio.  He had fallen away for a bit and held a lot of resentment, is sensitive, etc. but got really excited when he saw our happiness and excitement and energy and love.  He re-committed to doing the simple things again, and we just let him talk and talk and let it all out, and then we testified and read with him and helped him feel the Spirit and God's love again.  What a blessing to be with him.  He came to church on Sunday too!!!  We are gunna get him back :)

Also, during my personal study on Wednesday, I was really touched by how much people fall or remain okay in the Gospel or in their lives just by doing, or not doing, one simple key thing.  (Dad, I don’t know how you ALWAYS know what I study and find or need, etc.  The Spirit is always guiding you to share these exact things—it’s incredible!)  That key is: REMEMBERING.  All throughout Ether, I was so touched that their journey to the promised land was filled of them focusing on, putting first, and remembering the Lord, His tender mercies, and recognizing His blessings.  They spent their time thanking Him, singing to Him, and as soon as they landed, they knelt down and prayed in gratitude, and then immediately got to work.  What examples and what a different journey than that of 1 Nephi!  Also, throughout the people and the different kings in the land, the key to if they prospered and remained blessed or started becoming wicked, was remembering the Lord’s tender mercies and blessings He had wrought upon their ancestors and in their own lives.  Do we remember the Lord?  If we always remember Him (as we promise to do upon being baptized and partaking of the Sacrament), we will be assured that we will live our lives in accordance with His will.  How can one do wrong when they are thinking about or remembering the Lord?  That’s the key.  We need to remember Him.  We need to recognize His hand in our lives, and be grateful.  How grateful I am for Him and His tender mercies daily.  I write those down daily and encourage you all to do the same!  It makes the difference and helps us get through the hard times.

Thursday I felt super sick and was pretty down emotionally because of how the sickness was making me feel emotionally, and Satan has really been working hard on me through my health and emotions--that piece.  It seems he works harder and harder the more time goes by.  Elder Falk called in the morning and asked if I was dead (haha it cracked me up because that’s like a best friend thing to say--like something Hna Jo and I say to each other) and when I said I was sick he said, "NOOOO WE NEED YOU!!!"  So once we finished planning and doing some other things, we finally went out to preach and we got to visit RONALD!  Ronald is the son of a recent convert and he is evangelical and very intellectual and has had a hard life.  We visited him one other time this week and it was good, we got his needs out by listening.  (Listening, and listening by the Spirit, is KEY.  They tell you everything, and then the Spirit knows what to say in response!  My comp was pretty ancey to just teach and get it done with, but I had to put my hand on her to tell her to calm down and just let him talk.  That’s a hard thing for some of the missionaries here.  They want to get in, teach, and leave, but what good does that do if we don’t know their needs or if they don’t trust us?  That’s just teaching lessons, not people.)  So we felt that for the next lesson we taught him, our goals would be to let him feel God’s love in his life, let him recognize his divine potential, and feel the Spirit (all of which he had never experienced before from what he told us.)  We got there, not knowing beforehand what we would say or do (like Nephi going in to get Laban haha) and just asked him how it went with his commitments, etc.  He then began to completely and utterly open up to us about his whole life, his feelings, his questions, etc, and by the end of the lesson, as we testified according to his needs, everything we wanted him to feel or recognize was accomplished!!!!!  By questions, and his trust in us, and the SPIRIT!  He said he felt that God did love him, that he had a special purpose to fulfill here, that Heavenly Father has given him many answers that he hadn’t recognized until we were there with him helping him recognize it, etc.  It was AMAZING and just so uplifting and edifying.  He said that he really wants this to be true, he wants families to be forever, etc.  He needs a testimony, but working with him, I know he can be baptized.  What a miracle---it was an amazing lift in spirits for me, from being down and sick, to feeling the Spirit and being able to help someone feel God’s love for them--that’s what it's all about.  Such a tender mercy and a blessing that though I may not be the best health wise or be able to do everything, the Lord still helps us accomplish His will and our righteous desires as He gives us His Spirit and guides us in His work.

Friday the ZLs came and contacted in our area and took one of the ward missionaries with them.  The ward missionary’s family is awesome and the mom was so helpful in helping me out with what I could eat, etc (I was still SO sick to my stomach, etc all week).  We then went out and contacted other areas ourselves and it was incredible.  We found Joanna--an 8 year old little girl who literally could be 16 by the way she thinks and asks questions and understands things.  She asked us if we were religious and what we did, and we began to share with her.  She wanted to listen and I asked how she was and she said she was bad because her dad doesn’t love her because he abandoned her when she was little and that her mom doesn’t live with her, only visits on the weekends because of work, so she feels pretty badly.  She was tearing up and I knelt down and grabbed her hands and just told her how much God loved her and that she was His child, and we talked about Christ and then she just hugged me and cried a bit and then we talked about Christ’s life, and she was the one who asked us if we had any pamphlets or anything and wants us to come back and immediately sat down and began reading the pamphlet as we left.  I was so in awe of her and her mature spirit and as we were walking away, with her pamphlet in hand, Joanna yelled, “Gracias, religiosas!” with her cute 8 year old smile full of love.  These moments make everything all worth it. 

Also we are working with a less active mom and her non member daughters and husband.  Her daughters want to be baptized and love the church but the Mom inactivated like at age 9 so it’s a hard come back for her and when we are there, she feels peace and gets excited, but when we leave, it’s easier to think about just staying with the Catholics, etc.  Anyway, I know that we will work hard with them and be able to see that family become eternal!  They are a really special great family.  We were walking away from that lesson and Hna Alvarez commented that she feels the Spirit a lot since we have been companions and just hugged me and thanked me and was excited about everything she is learning.  That was another tender mercy because as I shared last week, with all the pressures that happen and get put on us, and the trials, sometimes we get down if we don’t have much to show for it.  But the Spirit is the key, and most important element in this work, and the most valuable gift we could receive from our Father in Heaven!

Saturday I woke up and was horrible.  My health was bad and my stomach still hadn’t recovered, and I just hurt a ton and checked my temp and I was actually 3 degrees Celsius below what I should be because of dehydration--crazy!  We went to the doctors and they said I had an intestinal infection so they gave me antibiotics and meds and I hydrated a ton.  I learned that intestinal infections HURT a lot.  Also it was a tender mercy that Hna Alvarez was like a mom that day to comfort me and help.  The members were great and supportive, and Heavenly Father literally answered my prayers in regards to the doctor and the results.  It’s the same doctor I’ve seen who has always been pretty rude and made me come back a million times to tell me what I have.  I prayed that he would behave nicely and give me results the same day as I felt I couldn’t wait longer.  I got there and the doctor was nice and said to remember they were there if I ever needed help or concerns as I was getting better.  He then said, "Well you have an intestinal infection, so why should I send you to go get labs if I know you have that, right?!"  ANSWER to prayers right there!  How I love my Heavenly Father.  He is SO aware of us and helps us daily.

I felt better enough in the afternoon to actually study the scriptures (because the Bishop had asked us to speak on Sunday so I had to prepare!) and how I love studying the scriptures.  It’s something I am going to miss SO much when I go home--the time spent studying the scriptures.  I love the mission.  I was looking through some of my pictures from the mission and it’s crazy how some of those experiences seem like a dream.  Like I haven’t really lived it--like it was a dream.  Time goes by so quickly and before I know it, it will all seem like a dream.  That makes me way sad!  But what a wonderful time :)

Elder Falk also called at night and I seriously love him--I’m way grateful for him.  He made fun of my voice as I answered the phone and I told him to shut up and we just laughed, and he told me not to feel badly or that I shouldn’t feel it was my fault because it’s not like I’m bringing these sicknesses upon myself.  He asked about our investigators and said we are doing awesome, and he is stoked for Condor to finally have baptisms and success.  He said he would pray a lot for my intestinal infection haha (he reminds me of Adam Demello--they have the same personality--like a best friend here!)

Elder Ayala was also great and understanding, and I just can’t express over and over again each week how grateful I am for my leaders.

Sunday we went to church and I got to play the piano (one of 2 real pianos I’ve found here in the mission!) and we gave talks.  The 1st counselor leaned over to me while my comp was speaking and it was only 9:25, and smiled and laughed a bit and said that after the hymn, I would have the WHOLE rest of the time to speak.  hahahaha Oh Joseph.  But I did it!  :) I talked about experiencing the happiness that the gospel brings us as we live the gospel principles, and then talked about the joy that missionary work brings us as well.  I related the two to Spanish phrases they have, shared scriptures, shared part of “No me Puedo Contener” (thanks Dad!) and bore testimony.  The whole time I tried to be super upbeat and smiley and happy and loving, and I really just felt all that being in this ward--I feel at home with these members and they are active, fun, happy, and like working in the Lord’s work. I’ve been so impressed with them!  We got some great compliments about the talks, and people were super impressed and said we activated the ward once again.  I can’t tell you how many horrible, negative comments I’ve heard just in 1 week about the previous missionaries.  How sad and horrible that they left that kind of impression on the ward, its leaders, the recent converts, everybody!  The Bishop pulled us aside and said that he finally called Pres Amaya and asked for elders or something to help the ward because he couldn’t deal with it any longer.  So President sent Hna Alvarez and me.  No pressure or anything!  haha.  The bishop is great, and super active and supportive and wants to work hard.  He expects crazy miracles though and doesn’t really understand that we are human and get sick but that’s ok! :)  We like working hard and I just hope and we will try to live up to everything he expects, doing the best we can (which is what we always try to give).  I’m way impressed that this ward is preparing 8-10 missionaries to leave on missions this year (ps--is the worldwide age now 18 for young men to go out?!) and we have a lot of ward missionaries, a ton of people wanting to do FHEs and visits, etc--SO much so, in fact, that we feel dizzy each and every time we talk to members or have meetings.  It’s a lot to handle all at once because the ward is stoked to recover everything lost with the other missionaries, but little by little we are gunna get it all done!  It’s a heavy load to carry, and crazy information overload all the time, but we just have to trust in the Lord!  I am way grateful to be in Condor.  The feeling there is one of at home.  I love the people already and their personalities, and we all just mesh together which will make for miracles here.  My comp is awesome.  She is so so so humble, way happy and smiley, only a 2 year convert (wow--such an example to me), very patient, and just great.  We get along!  It’s not the mesh of me and Hna Jo--nothing ever will be--but I feel very grateful for yet another good comp.  The work doesn’t move forward without unity, work, and happiness and joy.  If we don’t have joy in the work, something is wrong, and when other people notice that lack of joy, (from the previous missionaries) something is definitely way way wrong!  So we are starting from zero and working our way up, and praying a ton for Ronald, Kristina, (the daughter of the less active) and other chosen people here to be baptized (the ward has a 40 baptism goal for the year---crazy!!!) and just trusting in the Lord a lot.

So with all the overwhelmingness of being here in the new area and having all this responsibility and trying to live up to everyone’s expectations, the Lord blessed me with yet another tender mercy--the best one all week.  Hna Orantes called me last night and said, "GUESS WHAT?!!!"  I had no idea what she was going to say and then all of a sudden burst out with, “PAUL IS GOING TO GET BAPTIZED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”  I started screaming and was going to cry of joy and was just SOOOO excited.  She said that since I left they haven’t even taught him personally, but set up an appt for him to be interviewed to see if he was ready or not.  She said Elder Falk spent a ton of time in there and then when they got out, Paul just dictated that on Friday he would be baptized as a surprise for the ward during the ward Father’s Day activity; that he didn’t want anyone else other than Hna Orantes and her comp and ME to know, and that Elder Falk would baptize him.  Oh my, I am SOOO happy!!!!!  I just always felt how ready he was and that I was there for him, and the Lord is granting me the opportunity to go see this fruit of our labors!!!  Hna Orantes and I are going to speak and do a musical number, and I’m SO excited for Friday and to send the pics next week!  What a miracle and what joy this work brings!!!!!!! 

I’ve been pretty emotional lately about the fact that I only have 6 months left (on Wednesday I hit 11 months).  I can’t believe where the time has gone, and I don’t feel ready, and it just makes me sad that the day where I get to say, “As a representative of Jesus Christ, I promise or I testify,” etc will come to an end.  I just get SO grateful for the opportunity to be here and what a miracle the mission is, and emotional when I think about this ending (good thing I still have 6 months right?!) haha.  The time in my life has never gone by so quickly and never been more jam-packed full of learning and growing opportunities, and how grateful I am.  I just feel grateful, loving, happy, and joyful thinking about the mission, this Gospel, and my Savior and Heavenly Father.  They love us so much and they let us know that daily.  How blessed we are!  Ok I’ll stop love bursting about the mission now and how grateful I am despite challenges, etc. :)  Thanks for understanding this rollercoaster ride of emotions week by week!  It’s great.

Thank you all for your prayers, counsel, thoughts, and love.  I feel it and need it every day. I pray for you as well!!!  Love you and have a wonderful week and wonderful FATHER’S DAY!!!

Love,

Hermana Bryan

Just when the Crazy gets Crazier

Hola familia!!!

Welp just when we thought 3 changes was too many for one transfer, another transfer came last night and I am now in a new area with a new companion, Hermana Alvarez (from Bolivia--she has 4 months here in the mish) and we are opening the area of Condor.  Good news!  I'm still in the same Zone, Orquideas, AND best news of all, have the same district leader and in the same district as Hna Orantes!!!!  Thank heavens for those blessings.  Crazy, right?  I'm kind of glad that in 6 months I will not have to have so many crazy, emotional, and physical changes all the time haha.

Ok well this week has been one FULL of trials and also the Lord's tender mercies so let's get the stories going :)

Monday night I barely slept cuz my cough was so bad, and when I don't sleep I get pretty dang sick physically, but had to wake up anyway and go strong for District Meeting because Hna Orantes and I were giving the lesson!  Tuesday we gave the lesson on Teaching People, Not Lessons, and gave them requirements we had come up with to summarize the theme.  We expounded on those, did activities, and shared testimony.  The requirements we talked about were: Trust, Listening, Discerning, The Spirit, Love, and one other I can't remember.  Anyway, it went really well and our district is AWESOME!!!  Our district leader, Elder Ayala is just incredible, and Elder Falk was there and two other awesome elders, and the hermanas from Condor (who are now us but used to be Hna Hernandez and Hna Climaco--a really special person Hna Orantes now has to deal with.)  So there are 4 new missionaries in our zone (being trained) and Elder Ayala's comp is named Elder Tellez from Argentina.  He is this big guy and looks Poly and is so humble and loving, and when he told us his story I just wanted to hug him.  He is the only member of his family, he had no support from his parents coming, he has only been a member for 1 year and a half and he is here.  He said his parents are now going to church, and the other elders were telling him they'll get baptized and he will be so blessed, and he finally put on a smile.  He and his humble, loving, sharp personality touched me so much and I thanked him for being here.  What an example.  We take things so for granted sometimes and think our sacrifices are sacrifices, when others give so much more.  What an example.

Also on Tuesday, Elder Falk had written Hna Orantes and I a note.  It brought me to tears.  He wrote us a thank you letter for making his birthday special, and although it wasn't a huge deal to us, it meant a lot, and he said for the first time in a long time, he hasn't felt so alone.  I started bawling because he does so much for us and we really have a great friendship, us 3, and I can't imagine all the things he is dealing with (4 new missionaries, a hard zone, a difficult or different comp, ZL, etc) and it was so nice of him to express that.  Tender mercy for sure.

So Tuesday we left the meeting and went out to work, and I just felt SO sick all day (from being sick with the flu, from being so tired from not sleeping, dizzy, etc.) I hate not being able to work though, so when Hna Orantes and I talked in the street and she said she could see it on my face, I started crying cuz I didn't want to go home.  I just begged her if we could try one lesson with Evelyn (a jovencita girlfriend of a member who got her pregnant so now they are waiting to get married and she wants the discussions.)  We went inside and turns out she was sick too, so we just shared something short, but during sharing my testimony, I felt the Spirit so strongly and more than that, felt God´s love for Evelyn, and it was so strong.  I was crying and it was such a tender mercy to feel a part of the love He must have for her.  Then, in the closing prayer, the grandma Garcia got very emotional while thanking Heavenly Father for us being there and called us angels and that was such a tender mercy for me.  We ended up going home afterwards because I was feeling sick, and I rested.

Wednesday we did practices with the other hermanas (cuz the ZLs requested that) and it was a good thing--we got to help them, give them counsel, etc.  Then we went to Paul!  A member, Pedro Chavez a RM accompanied us, and it was AWESOME.  He was super direct with him but awesome.  Paul said he has thought about being baptized, about going on a mission, entering the temple, everything.  BUT he refuses to accept still.  Dang it!   Then towards the evening, I got feeling REALLY sick and had to go home.  This time I felt so horrible though, like down emotionally about everything, and just physically horrible.  I felt really down like I want to do SO many things and feel inhibited like I can't, and like I am being prevented from accomplishing my potential as a missionary.  Elder Waddell talked a lot about true success being reaching our true potential as a missionary, and I felt so horribly for our lack of numbers, baptisms, lessons, everything mostly because this last transfer I've been pretty sick.  I felt sad and just really disappointed cuz I didn't want to disappoint everybody (the ZLs, my DL, my comp, the Bishop, etc).  Hna Orantes felt horribly, and she got really bad emotionally cuz she hates seeing me sick and said she feels badly she can't do anything to help, etc and I explained that the little things DO help a ton, etc etc.  I asked for a blessing and a recent RM in our ward, Jose Luis (who has really become like our best friend/brother in the ward--he is way awesome) came and gave me the blessing.  I felt afterwards that I needed more faith and obedience, and it was a good, simple blessing.  I was just grateful that he came and shared of his spirit with us.

Thursday I was sick and we stayed home.  I was a bit more animada but was really super sick throughout the day.  Luckily the members help us and support us a lot.

Friday we went out because I wanted to see Paul and teach him, but he wasn't home.  We went to lunch and I just got very down again because I was NOT better, and not getting better, and getting super dizzy again, and just down because I want to do SO many things and work hard and find new people and baptize and bring this happiness to everyone and reach my potential.  I just didn't understand why this was happening, and so often in my mission.  I know I've learned a lot but the Lord wants me to work and baptize and help others and reach my potential so that's what didn't make sense to me.  Hna Orantes quoted a scripture to me (Isaiah 55:8-9) and she didn't even know that that scripture has actually been the theme of my mission!  My ways are not your ways, my thoughts not your thoughts.  Hna Angulo, hna Johansen and I always used that.  That was inspired for sure to share that and then I read Mosiah 4:9 and got teary and realized that I probably won't understand, and that it's ok.  The Lord helped me to continue preaching that day and even though I was sick, He helped me to have the Spirit when we contacted, and to have the energy to stay outside.

Saturday we were going to do a practice with the other Hermanas when Hna Sanchez broke down and couldn't continue, and so Hna Orantes took Hna Vidrio out and I stayed to talk with her.  We had a long talk and I helped her answer her own doubts and questions and I built her and testified and she came up with goals she could do, etc etc.  It was wonderful.  Afterwards, I hugged her and when I did, she said it felt so good because she felt like it was the Lord´s hands hugging her and letting her feel of His love.  Wow.  Saturday was also Hna JO´s 22 bday!!!  I called her in the morning and Hna Orantes and I sang "Estas son las Mañanitas" the whole song, plus Happy Bday and she was laughing at first and then just crying a lot and so grateful.  Awwww I could tell that it meant SO much to her and probably was the highlight of her day.  I love her so so so much.  Saturday we had a GREAT day full of success and people with real intentions and we were just on top of the world and I felt SO grateful!!!  We were then invited to the ZLs baptism, and Paul had promised to come with us but when we got there, he had gone out of town (stupid needs to rearrange priorities haha) but his cousin accompanied us and that was a blessing because we feel it's his time to learn now too!!  The Spirit was SO strong at the baptism and they asked Hna Orantes and I to share our testimonies, and the people that got baptized thanked us so much afterwards, and it was just really neat.  Also, there is a member in their ward that looks and acts EXACTLY like Jack Black--it's awesome haha.  It's just always great to be with great people who have the Spirit, but also know how to have fun (ex: Hna Orantes, Hna Jo, Elder Falk, etc).  Something I really loved that the first counselor of the Bishopric shared at the baptism, was he said, "Esta es una decision para valientes."  I loved that.  Although it doesn't seem so hard to choose and do it, only the valiant choose to do so.  Only the valiant get their priorities in line, feel the Spirit, follow their answers, and make covenants with the Lord.  This is a Gospel for the valiant, and what a blessing it is to find those people, and share with them, and be blessed by them!  Be valiant :)  It's the best way!

Sunday we went to church and we were feeling pretty sick from fasting, etc and then the Bishop made us feel horribly about something about the Principles of the Gospel class, that hasn't been going on because nobody goes, and knows they should go.  There isn't a teacher, we didn't have the manual to prepare the lesson, we don't have a ward mission leader who comes, etc etc but the Bishop made us feel pretty badly in consejo de barrio about some things, and I just felt that once again, I was letting him down and then he also said, "Hna Bryan, you were sick this week again right?"  I teared up and said yes, and he asked if we were going to the doctor or what, etc and it just made us feel misunderstood and just wanted him to know I wasn't choosing this, and wanted him to know what my true self is like, etc.  I felt pretty sad and down after that, and we went to go break our fast, and as I broke my personal one, I was just bawling and bawling because during the prayer, I just felt so much love and closeness to my Heavenly Father. I know that if no one else can see who I am, or know my desires, at least He knows, and isn't that all that matters?  Anyway, Hna Orantes was pretty teary as well--she was crying for me because she could see I wasn't ok and she also felt sick, and we were just down about our program, the bishop, letting the adversary make us think we were letting people down , etc etc and we were just crying and wouldn't you know but Jose Luis was waiting at the window to catch our attention, and ask to come in the room.  What a tender mercy from the Lord.  He came in and asked what was wrong and he just showed us that he cared, that he supported us, that the Lord loved us, gave us animo and counsel, etc.  He told us that if we don't have logros, we at least have the Spirit.  I really liked that, and isn't that the greatest accomplishment of all?  To have the Spirit as our guide?  He has been the means through which the Lord shares His love to us so many times, and WHAT a tender mercy it is to know people like that who follow the Spirit and truly have charity and share that.  He is like our best friend and brother.  What a blessing.

We went to lunch and then got super pwned by it--pretty sure the chicken was a bit raw.  (We are still sick today--I've barely eaten anything since because I can't. We spend time in the bathroom a lot dang it) Hna Orantes got so sick that she had to hold onto my backpack as I led her home and she had to stop and fall down to rest a few times on the way home.  I took care of her and we had to go home.  I rested for a bit cuz I felt sick too, but then studied, and loved it so much--how I love studying the scriptures!!!!  I'm reading in Genesis, and something I have loved reading about is Abraham.  To receive the covenants and eternal blessings promised him, he too, had to prove his faithfulness, obedience, willingness, etc.  (through obeying and being willing to sacrifice Isaac) and every scripture that talked about the blessings of the Abrahamic covenant gives the reason that it was due to his obedience with that.  What if he would have questioned the Lord or complained cuz he loved his son?  Maybe the Abrahamic covenant would not be.  What amazing blessings we can receive just for being willing, and obeying, and it's just proof that the Lord proves or tests us and then blesses us immediately.

Also, all throughout Genesis, the Lord gives commandments and then immediately reassures them, "I will be with thee."  He always is with us when we obey and serve Him and do His will, and He will always help and make Himself known.  I have felt that, and know that the Lord is with me through everything.  He loves us and will help us along our earthly journey!

Elder Ayala called to get our numbers, and he was just so understanding again, and he just said how much he admired us for going out when we are sick, and said that he has recognized that this week has been one full of challenges for us, but thanked us so much for the work we do, and I just wanted to cry for how amazing he has been.  I thanked him so much for being so understanding.  In my notebook of memories we all pass around, he wrote that he wasn't sure why the Lord called him as DL (pssh I am!!!  He is the best I've EVER had, and I've told him that) and said that if it was his choice, he would tell people he votes to be in the district of Hna Bryan. haha He was so so nice and complimentary in the entry and he just makes me want to cry of gratitude.  So that's why I'm SO blessed and happy to still have him as my leader even with this change!

So then the crazy phone call came at like 10 something and Elder Falk said hi to me and then said he had good news and bad news.  He then said, "Hna Bryan, you have changes."  I thought it was a joke because we have had so many, and he said that unfortunately it wasn't, though he wished it was.  I asked him why the heck it was good news?  haha  And he said cuz I was going to be amazing in my new area and see miracles, etc.  He said it was bad news for him (he thought I wouldn't be in the zone haha) and then just began to thank me for everything I've done and etc etc.  He thanked me a ton and I thanked him a ton.  Then later he sent a message that said, "Thanks so much Sister Bryan for all you've done! Have fun being the first sister Assistant to the President!"  hahahaha I called him and he said that when they called him to tell him I had transfers, that was the first thing he thought bahahaha.  I said that he was hilarious and that would never happen, thank heavens, haha and just thanked him.  I'm so glad I still have him as my leader too!  I just feel very blessed with leaders who know me and are so understanding and helpful and are appreciative, etc.

Today was so sad going to the terminal to see where I was going, and on the way, saw Hna Jo and gave her her Bday present, and she gave me a note that once again had the Isaiah scripture on it :)  I am opening the area she first started in!  In the terminal, a huge tender mercy was that I saw the Bishop from Manta and his family!!!!!!!  He was SO happy to see me and his wife too and they just kept telling me to come back to Manta and how much they remember me, etc.  I had always prayed to see someone from Manta even though that never happens cuz it's 5 hours away, but the Lord is so aware of me and of all of us, and loves us and sends us His tender mercies with His divine signature on them.  "What we call coincidence is God's way of letting Himself be known." "Coincidence is the word we use when we can't see the levers and the pulleys." (Gerald Lund)

So a lot of lessons learned but all in all, a pesar de all the down, or disappointments, or sad feelings, the Lord has made Himself be very known in my life this week, and always found moments or people to share that love and His Spirit with me, and to let me know He is aware of me.  What a blessing it is to be a child of God and to be His missionary, and what a blessing to have this Gospel! I know that He loves all of you SO much and if we can recognize His hand in our lives daily, we will be so much happier and feel of His love so much more.  I know He lives and loves us.  I love this work and love being a missionary.  I love my Lord and my Savior, and love my Heavenly Father.  I love you all and encourage you to notice His hand in your lives this week.  Have a great one!!!  Thanks for your support and prayers!!

Love,
Hermana Bryan

Bishop and his Family from Manta

Elder Falk on his birthday with the stuff we did for him!

I Should Really Learn to Expect the Unexpected by Now!

Hola Familia!

Well from the locura that my mission has been, you would think I would have learned to expect the total unexpected but NOPE--things always get me by surprise!  haha  This week has been FULL of changes, craziness, responsibility, amazing experiences, and I am just so grateful!

Ok, so Monday we got a phone call from the ZLs telling us we had to go to the terminal to pick up Hna Sanchez so she could come open up Samanes, and train, and be living with us.  We were shocked because she was very "special" when I lived with her, and Hna ward trained her.  We were glad it wasn't us doing that, and knew that we would have to help them and encourage them, etc.  

Well Tuesday we went to Zone meeting and upon getting there, the ZLs told us that the assistants wanted to talk to Hna Orantes.  They said that President had changed his mind and that Hermana Orantes would now be training, and that President wanted me to open the area of Samanes with Hermana Sanchez.  We were shocked and it was like a pail of cold water over our heads.  Hna Orantes started crying and I was just so sad and nervous and just lots of feelings.  During the whole meeting we tried to concentrate but Hna Orantes leaned over to me at one point and said she just wanted to bawl and bawl but had to hold it in.  It hit me during the middle of the meeting, and I started crying too.  We were pretty dang stressed.  Elder Falk (our ZL) looked at me several times very knowingly and understandingly, and if it weren't for him and Hna Orantes, I don't know what I would have done!  We got home and although Hna Orantes and I were just stressed and feeling empty, etc. I looked over and saw Hna Sanchez looking pretty down.  I sat down and asked her if she was sad that she wasn't going to be training anymore and she opened up to us and we helped her.  She said she felt like it was her chance to prove herself, finally, and that she felt like she was being punished for how she acted before, etc etc and we told her no.  I told them how incredible it was that each trial is SO personalized.  For example, Hna Sanchez really wanted to train badly and now she can't and has to deal with that.  Hna Orantes really DIDN'T want to train, and now she has to deal with that.  I felt so stressed and dizzy already, and felt like I couldn't handle anymore when the Lord gave me another change and responsibility to open an area and be with Hna Sanchez.  All very personalized--but we all realized that we could accept the Lord's will and it was all for a reason.  

Wednesday we woke up and I was physically sick to my stomach,etc.  Hna Orantes left early to go to the trainer's meeting and to receive her new companion.  We were in the middle of our personal study (and I was seeing the Lord's blessings in my life as I prayed fervently for the Spirit to be there, calm my nerves, help me focus, and receive revelation, which all happened) and I was beginning to really accept this change WHEN the phone rang.  It was the assistants, and Elder McGinn told me he needed a favor.  He then asked me how long it would take us to get to the trainer meeting.  He then said that he needed us to go there right that instant because there had been another change and he would explain everything when we got there.  WHAT?!!!  We were so shocked yet again, and going crazy.  3 changes (transfers) in 3 days!  We quickly called a member to help take us and left immediately.  We got there and entered the doors, and Hermana Orantes turned to look who was coming in, and the look on her face when she saw us was priceless.  Her mouth dropped open and was like WHAT are you doing here?!!  Elder McGinn then took us 3 aside and said there had been another change.  He said President had called him and told him he had received an impression.  He told us that Hermana Orantes and I would still be companions in Guayacanes, and that Hermana Sanchez would be training in Samanes.  BUT that President felt that Hermana Orantes needed to work with the new hermana (Hermana Vidrio from Mexico) and I was to open the area of Samanes with Hermana Sanchez for this week.  He then turned to me and Hna Orantes and said that President trusts me and her a ton.  What a tender mercy to hear those words and what a crazy but merciful change!  Hermana Orantes burst into tears of joy and hugged me like crazy and I was just laughing.  I felt like the Lord was trying us to see what we were willing to do to follow Him, and also that President knew that in some way or another the 2 transfers he had done had to happen and it had to be a mix.  He said we would have 4 days and Sunday we should start working with our normal companions again.  I was excited and felt the responsibility of making sure things were set up for the hermana and that she knew the area in 4 days.

Wednesday I quickly looked through the area book and wrote down everyone and then called the Bishop and he was SO excited they had missionaries, and wanted to accompany us in the evening.  I had my lists of references and old investigators, the area map, etc in hand and we left to go work when the hermanas got home from their meeting.  We found an hermana home that was a reference from my old area!  We had a good lesson with her and then went with the Bishop.  I am SO impressed by this Bishop.  He is young, works a ton, studies, has a wife, etc so enough to be sufficiently busy, but still accompanies us, does personal visits, plans activities, etc etc and had SO many plans and ideas for us and was so enthusiastic.  It was incredible and how I imagine Joseph Smith being.  It was a GREAT day and I just felt like I was shining when I got home from happiness and light and just was SOOOO grateful to my Heavenly Father for that opportunity.  It was incredible seeing the changes in Hermana Sanchez, and incredible being able to help her learn the area and gain the confidence of the Bishop from day 1 (he at the end wanted to bring us home, know his wife, they made us food, etc, it was great) and was just SO happy and beaming!  Wow I felt so grateful and like again, WHY do we ever question the Lord's will?!

Friday I finished the New Testament!  Also when we got to lunch (we ate lunch with the other hermanas cuz we didn't have lunch scheduled yet) Hna Orantes told me that Paul wasn't home because he had left early for the weekend out of town.  She said that Grace (the CR and Paul's cousin) told Hna Orantes that on Wednesday when we didn't show up, Paul got super upset and sad and thought that I had been changed.  He then asked Grace, "Who is going to challenge me now???" and that he was very sad.  That made me feel so appreciated and like I have a specific purpose here---tender mercies of the Lord all over the place! Friday while opening Samanes, we had an awesome day!  We found an investigator from a reference a lady had given us the night before (she was present in a lesson and refused to participate, but after told us we should go visit her brother).  We got there and Christofer got home and joked the whole time about being in love with me, blah blah blah.  We kinda laughed uncomfortably, but knew he was totally joking, and then taught.  He is INCREDIBLE.  Wow.  An escogido for sure.  The whole time I was just in awe of his good, strong spirit and he just has a personality and spirit that says leader!  He will be a great leader someday.  Hna Sanchez took advantage of the fact that he was all willing to do whatever while we were there and put a baptismal date--what a beast!!!!  But the hermanas tell me he came to church yesterday, stayed all of it, loved it, and said he was bringing his sister and niece the next week.  What a wonderful opportunity and experience!

Saturday--our last day opening together, we went to all the limits, etc.  We went to lunch at a house and came across this RM who started telling us all the dumb things he did in the mission, etc and I obviously showed my reaction and he just laughed and said he didn't see why it was a big deal.  I asked him if he never read the mission handbook or didn't understand obedience, etc cuz he was getting to me.  It made me so mad inside and I couldn't believe how horrible it was to hear those things--like it was nothing. He wasted the Lord's time! The mission affects our ETERNITY!!!  It is not something we go on and experience and come back.  It is eternal blessings or consequences and it's incredible how being a RM doesn't mean anything necessarily.  It is all about what type of missionary you were and who you are.  I LOVE the mission!!  It's a miracle.

Saturday we were contacting and a guy called us over.  We went over and he asked for our pamphlets and then told us he was a Jewish self-proclaimed traveling preacher.  He talked all softly and smoothly and full of fake love and it was hilarious.  He wanted to know our beliefs, and we testified and shared our beliefs, and he kept asking questions and we shared beliefs and he would question it with the Bible and then told us we had to memorize the Bible, that not everyone is a child of God, that the Spirit can't talk to us through feelings, that we should apart ourselves from Joseph Smith, etc and he said it all with such love.  I just bore my testimony and told him to read and pray about the pamphlets and that we had to go.  He then quickly asked if we could pray.  In the middle of the street.  We agreed and he asked to hold our hands (we refused and refused his many attempts) and then asked us to close our eyes (we peeked the WHOLE time hahaha I was not falling for anything).  Luckily all I saw during the prayer through my half open eyes, was his fist going up and down with his crazy emotion as he prayed.  He prayed like a crazy man--yelling and super loud and I'm sure you can imagine.  After, we walked away and started BUSTING up laughing.  Oh the experiences of the mission.  Saturday night, we ran home to use the bathroom and went out for one more lesson.  On the way out, I grabbed a BOM just because I felt I should.  In the lesson, we had such a fight with knowing what to say, getting the Spirit to be in the environment because of distractions, etc. Nothing we did or talked about helped an I'd felt confused or like maybe they aren't interested so we should leave; WHEN I took out the BOM and we began to teach about that.  The Spirit immediately filled the room and we testified, and the little girl and her mom felt it and were excited to read and pray and it was just SUCH a testimony to me of following the impressions of the spirit--that without the Spirit, we can't do anything, and I was so grateful for that experience.

Sunday Hna Orantes and I were together again.  The Bishop was SO glad I hadn't been transferred, which touched me.  I loved what a Stake Presidency counselor spoke about in Sacrament meeting.  He talked about ACTIVE reverence.  He said that just sitting there and being quiet is not enough.  We need to be paying attention, praying to receive answers, really wanting to learn and feel the Spirit, etc.  I think that key makes such a huge difference in our spiritual progress: personally, investigators, as companions, wards, etc etc.  Active reverence is the key. Also something someone said on Sunday REALLY touched me.  They shared scriptures in D&C and then said that maybe we don't see the fruits of our labors right now, but that the Lord gives us the strength and enthusiasm to continue on.  And that in the heavens, our works have been recorded and we will see those fruits there.  I immediately thought of the people I have taught that will accept later on in life, and how rewarding it will be to see them after this life and see the fruit of one seed planted.  What a blessing!  Also, big news of the week that I just found out about today:

MIGUEL GOT BAPTIZED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Oh my gosh I was SO excited!  His waiting and suffering has ended and he got baptized in Colombia!!!  My whole mission is worth it just because of him, and if no one else got baptized apart from him, it was all worth it.  What a miracle.

So a few things I learned and liked this week from my studies are:  in 3 Nephi 19:3 I was so amazed by what an example of preparation these people were! They really got it and understood.  They knew that Christ would come the next day and that if they were prepared, they would get a lot out of it and be in the right place when He came.  We need to prepare ourselves for spiritual experiences and always make sure we are in a place where Christ will come or His Spirit will be present.

In Revelations 21:7--the true followers and heirs of God overcome.  D&C 76:58-60--we can overcome all trials given to us because we are children of God and have His help and in overcoming, we prove our faithfulness to Him and He blesses us.

Also, Hna Orantes and I were studying True to the Faith about the Priesthood, and as sisters, we have the right to the pertaining missionary keys of the Priesthood during this time.  WOW!!  Elder Washburn told me I had the keys to the ministering of angels and now that makes sense (that is one part of the duties of the Aaronic Priesthood).  While we are called and set apart as missionaries and respresentatives of Christ we have those keys and this is the only time where that would be able to happen for us sisters.  What a blessing!  Also in 3 Nephi 21:25 I loved it so much.  As missionaries, I truly feel that the power of heaven comes upon us and that Christ is in our midst.  When we are serving Him, we are entitled to His help, and He helps us SO much and gives me so many tender mercies.  I am so grateful for my Savior and for His Atonement, for the mercy and grace I receive abundantly and for the happiness and lasting joy the Gospel brings.

I LOVE my Heavenly Father.  I know that He gives us the preparation we need and gives us the experiences we need to become more like Him and reach our full potential.  I see His hand in my life daily.  I know that this church is true and I know that this work will and does bring more joy and happiness and eternal blessings than any other work on earth.  I feel so humbled and grateful and privileged to be here on a mission.  I love it.  I pray for you and love you all!!  have a wonderful week.  LOVE YOU!

Love,

Hermana Bryan

Sha Pues

Hola familia!

Well this week was CARAZY and my head, like spins, when I think about it all, haha, but sha pues (as our Argentinian ZL says--he leaves tomorrow :( ).

Tuesday I was dizzy but I went to Zone meeting and we got to do practices and it was SO incredible!  The whole time, I was like YES--this is what District Meetings are supposed to be like!  The elders were SO great and awesome and helped us so much with our investigators.  They really focused on them and received revelation and helped us so much during our practices for Azucena and Paul. What a blessing.  Then we went to Choir Practice at the Kennedy!!!!!  I loved those meetings and Hna Jo told me she's coming home with me and we are going to be roomies!!!!  What a tender mercy from the Lord.  I was thinking I'd be all alone at BYU and not knowing what to do with myself when I got back, but once again, the Lord puts His hand in our lives.  I felt SO grateful and humbled.  

Tuesday we had a two hour lesson with Azucena and her husband.  I had called her in the afternoon to ask her if we could visit her and she said if we wanted to, but she didn't want us talking about baptism or pressuring her, etc etc etc and I just listened and said ok, and that we would come by later.  We got there and she and her husband basically starting talking about baptism and our phone conversations, etc and all their marital fights and problems and wanting counsel etc.  I told them that we weren't going to talk about baptism, and came to talk about something else (law of chastity--the elders totally were inspired during the practices) and that we can't give marital counsel per se but the counsel we were going to give them would solve all their problems.  We then listened to everything they had to say and could tell it felt better for them to get that off their chests, and then shared scriptures, were loving, very bold, etc.  We told them that Satan was using everything against them to make them choose worldy things and money over the Lord.  We told them that the Lord is a God of miracles and we have to trust that!  We explained the seriousness of not being married and THAT was the reason why they had so many problems, etc.  Her husband told us he was very clear on that commandment and what it means and the consequences, etc. but when it came down to it at the end, he told her to not make a decision yet, and they said that not yet.  Basically he is and they are ¨wilfully rebelling against God¨ as states the scriptures.  HOW or WHY would someone knowingly do that?!!! How Stupid!  It's just so clear all the blessings we receive, yet still don't choose that.  We choose what we think is the easiest route when it's actually not. They are going to continue waiting for the money, waiting to get married, waiting to get baptized, waiting for God to change and bless their lives basically.  Hna O was very disappointed but we felt relieved afterwards.  We have done ALL we can do. It's always their choice!  We can see that it's eating away at her and at their marriage, and she came to church and wants us to come by.  But we will see! Oh the influence of the adversary--that piece. :)  We will still support and love but we can't get married for them haha.

Wednesday--we got like no sleep Tues night because Elder Waddell had asked each and every missionary to prepare 5 talks (all the lessons in PMG) because he was going to randomly call on missionaries to share during the conference. Talk about stressful!!! haha.  So ya we were preparing those.  We also had a med appt before and like we all knew, nothing was wrong in my blood work.  So they gave me pills that help with dizziness (Diph something, Dad) and referred me to the ear doctor.  The conference with Elder Waddell was INCREDIBLE. Man.  He is HUGE--like SO tall, he towered over every tall gringo in the mission it was crazy!!!!  He had served his mission in Spain and was Mission Pres there as well later on, so he totally talked Spanish with the lisp accent and cracked us all up. He also wanted to greet us all and have us introduce ourselves, and before I could stick out my hand he stuck his out and smiled at me and said, ¨You´re not from around these parts are you?!¨ hahaha How could he tell?!  :) He was just so loving, kind, yet so powerful.  It was exactly what I needed.  I could just literally feel his love, feel his support, his worry, and he felt like a dad to me!  He brought the Spirit SO strongly and shared some really neat things.  I felt like I was in the MTC again--the Spirit was that strong and powerful and tiring.  What a blessing. The real tender mercy of the Lord was when I realized that everything he talked about, he addressed something that I had just been talking about with Hna Orantes or Hna Johansen or reading the week before in my scriptures and lds.org.  It was crazy.  The Lord was preparing me for that conference ahead of time, and confirming all those spiritual truths I had learned and thought about through him.  Wow.  He talked about ¨real growth¨and I had just read an article about that on lds.org.  We are now focusing on retention and not just baptism. I've always felt that way--that the people I baptize, I want them to truly be converted and endure to the end!  Isn't that the point?!  Not just baptisms, and who knows if they will go inactive.  No.  We want to baptize converts.  Always felt that way :) Also he talked to us about the Spirit and doctrine of conversion.  He posed the questions: How does a missionary know if they are successful?  He then asked, can a missionary who doesn't baptize be successful?  He then asked vice versa. Then he said, so can a missionary who doesn't have the Spirit baptize?  Yes, unfortunately.  He then said, that maybe they will baptize but they will NEVER have success.  Success cannot be had without the Spirit.  It was something I had shared with Hna Orantes.  That even though we haven't baptized, and my whole mission I've struggled with that, I've come to realize that I personally measure my success by if I feel the Spirit, if I'm worthy of His companionship, and if I feel Him testifying to others through me.  PMG also talks about how we know we've had success, and those bullet points don't mention baptize.  Of course it's part of it, but the real success lies in the Spirit!  The Spirit is the KEY in all we do in missionary work!  And without it, no missionary can have success, it doesn't matter how many numbers or lessons or baptisms he or she has.  So true! Unfortunately we can't control other people's agency or decisions, but we CAN control our obedience, our worthiness, our teaching, who we are, etc.  He then taught us about how to teach, and we should follow Christ's example.  He was loving but then asked if His voice was weak?  NO!  He was loving but bold!  So true!  Just so many things confirmed, and it was incredible.  I got direct answers to my questions and prayers, and found out what I need to improve on, what our area needs, our companionship, and what we are doing well.  

The church is true!! :)

So we left just on a high and though I was dizzy and tired all day, it was SO worth it!  On the way home, in the taxi, I realized that my wallet was no where to be found.  STRESSFUL haha.  My family is awesome and so is the secretary, and things were figured out, but it kind of is hard to feel so helpless at times in the mission.  So I turned my trust to the Lord and we went and visited Paul.  It was a good lesson and he opened up to us about some things that are maybe holding him back.  They are minor issues, so we just have to have patience there!  We got home and my stress, tiredness, sickness hit me, and we had a tough night with me and Hna Orantes but the Lord knows what we need and we needed that growing experience.  

Thursday was a learning day.  I felt pretty down from a lot of things going on and was able to open up completely with Hna Orantes and have her understand, and was able to just get everything out to the Lord and her.  I felt better, though still a bit down, but the Lord was making me learn how to battle the adversary and how to handle stress.  I feel like that is one of the main lessons He always helps me learn.  We were able to go out later and I felt SO grateful to the Lord that I felt energy and felt good enough to go out! 

Friday morning during comp study Hna Orantes said she wanted to share with me what she had studied the last few days as I was sick.  She related Alma 38: 2-5 to me and in every verse where the Lord says my son, she put my daughter, Hna Bryan.  She especially applied verse 3 to me and 5, and I was just crying and crying.  I felt so humbled and have known I couldn't do anything without the Lord, and knew that He was letting me know through her and her tears and understanding, that He loved me, that it was ok what I have been able to do, that I need to trust in Him and be ok!  I had studied a lot about grace and really have been trying to use the Atonement and let Christ take my burdens away.  What a miracle that we have that eternal gift.  I have been humbled these last two weeks and trying to fully be patient, and trust in the Lord.  Sometimes it is too easy to let our burdens or stress get to us, then the adversary comes in and gets us down and makes us think so much less about ourselves than what we are, etc.  Then we end up losing ourselves!  That's why the Lord always always always lets us know He is there.  That is why prayer is so vital.  That is why trust, faith, patience, and hope are all key.  That is why the Atonement exists (among other reasons), and that is why we are here on earth--to learn and progress and be stronger through each trial and experience!  What a blessing and what a miracle.  I was also studying about hope, and I love the words used to describe hope in Ether 12:4.  It's interesting to note that in real life we use hope as uncertainty, but a desire.  In terms of the Gospel, hope is not uncertain.  It is firm, sure, steadfast, anchor, always---all these constant, firm, certain action words.  I love hope!!!  

Saturday was such a blessing.  Though I wasn't completely better, I felt I got myself back!  We walked ALL day but the Lord heard our prayers and made the climate do-able and though all our contacts, lessons, etc fell through, he blessed us with happiness, joy, and conversations with an investigator we have, whom we love.  We then found out that a reference we thought impossible, moved into our area and she already has desires to be baptized, etc.  Yes, the Lord blesses us mercifully and undeservingly, but what a loving Father He is!  Also Saturday was my mom's BDAY!!!!!!!!  And Hna Orantes' mom´s bday too!!

Sunday we woke up and had no water.  Logan, you think your farmhouse is ghetto.  Ok, we don't have water sometimes at nights or in whole days because Ecuador decides to do maintenance.  So I have had to go without showering to church twice already.  GROSS.  It wouldn't be as gross if we didn't sweat all day here cuz of the humidity.  You get the picture haha.  Ghetto but we love it :) Sunday we had to give our weekly numbers and I told our district leader to not cry before I read them haha.  It was disappointing because we really have been trying and we have all the desires in the world, but things haven't been working out.  He understood and said he was going through the same.  Then he called back an hour later and said to put him on speaker and he wanted us to get our BOMS out. He taught us using Mosiah 7.  It was SO incredible and exactly what we need. He said that these 16 strong men obviously had the Spirit and were incredible. Yet they still wandered erroneously for a while.  They had the spirit though!  But that still happened.  Then they didn't get treated as they would have liked, etc. and they still had the spirit!  Anyway the end story is their circumstances and results of their travels didn't change who they were or the Spirit they had.  He then asked us to read Alma 26:27 and I've always LOVED that scripture!  What a blessing it is to have leaders who love us, care for us, and share in our joys and trials and motivate and encourage us.

Today, though we didn't have changes, we are now going to be living with 2 other sisters.  Another hermana I lived with before and then a new one.  Hna Orantes and I will have to help and encourage and teach a lot this change, but that's why we were able to stay together I think.  HOW I LOVE the mission!!!

So many experiences in such a short little time, to teach us so much and help us grow and change our eternities and the eternities of those around us.  I love this opportunity and feel so grateful.  I know the church is true.  I know the happiness that fills our lives as we live the Gospel.  I know that Heavenly Father knows us personally and shows us His love daily.  I know families can be together forever and what a blessing that is!  I know the Lord is merciful and forgives our faults and weaknesses and constantly helps us to be better.  I feel that daily.  I love the mission, I love this Gospel and I love you all!!!

Thanks for your prayers and support.  I always need and feel them :)

Love, 

Hermana Bryan

When the World Spins Around You

Hola Familia!  

Well, we are not going to take much time today because I haven't been feeling up to par and we want to take advantage to grocery shop while I'm on my feet!  I talked a lot to Elder Sampson--the secretary now, and he researched Vertigo a lot and said there was one type that sounded a lot like what I had and I talked to him a ton about it and I have a medical appt tomorrow afternoon to figure out (or try with Ecuador medicine) what is going on; if it's that, or something else or just a trial!  Oh Joseph :)  (Cuz I remembered that 2 weeks ago for a while I kept hearing a clicking noise in my right ear all the time--would that explain it??) Anyway...

Well HOW AMAZING it was to talk to you all!!!  Man it just felt so natural and I LOVE our family!!  It was much harder this time saying goodbye.  I had a pounding headache for hours after from crying, haha, but it was worth it!  And you know what's interesting?  After feeling all that, etc Hna Orantes talked to her family and when she got off, she just sat down and was bawling and sobbing--I had never seen her like that!  But I felt so much love towards her (and had already written her notes in her planner while I was waiting for her to get off) and I just immediately knew again that there was a reason I was here with her.  I was able to comfort her a bit, share stories, have her tell me how her family is, and have her remember and tell me, that for the first time she can actually say she is starting to LOVE it here.  It's hard because not everyone has the kind of supportive family that I do!  Her family is supportive but keeps telling her to come home already, so that would be hard to handle and want to, but also want to be here!  I'm grateful that although you all may feel that way, you tell me there is no place you'd rather me be.  How true!  The miracle of the mission!!!
THANK YOU for your laughs, cries, counsel, and just for being my heroes and examples.  Also tell all our family and my friends hi for me and that I love them!  Happy late Mother's Day to everyone out there!

Well just a few updates for the week:
Monday we got to hang out with Hna JO!!!!! :)  love it

Tuesday we got to go to my old zone and have choir practice for combined zones because this Wed we will hear from Elder Waddell!!  How wonderful!!!  Also it was hilarious talking again to Elder VanWagoner and understanding each other and I love my ZL Elder Falk--he did the stanky leg twice in Zone meeting.  Awesome.

Wednesday--HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARLY STEPHENSON AND NANA!!!!  (I promise I will write you) today was the day I started feeling sick....we had to come home and I cried, like always, cuz I want to be outside preaching and fulfilling our calling and feeling the joy of this work.

Thursday I was sick and Elder Falk was so understanding with everything and said exactly what I needed to hear on the phone.

Friday I got a blessing from him that was amazing and said some of the same things that Elder Hammer had told me in my blessing back in January---the Priesthood is the power of God, the church is TRUE, missionaries are watched over and the Lord, and our Heavenly Father knows us!!  He knows us so personally and loves us and watches over and protects us.  It was a direct tender mercy and blessing from heaven from my Father letting me know his love and that He knows me and is aware of my situation.

Saturday just sick but Hna Orantes was so great about it and very supportive.

Sunday--wonderful tender mercy from the Bishop--making me feel like his daughter and wanting to help me and feeling a bit of my pain by tearing up.  What a blessing.  Also TALKING TO MY FAMILY!!!  such a blessing.  Afterwards I got to watch some Mormon Messages and talks and they were exactly what I needed to hear.  Also I decided that even though I felt like crap, I just wanted to preach for a bit afterwards, so we went out and found 2 new people in 1 hour.  Sacrifice brings forth the power of heaven and brings forth blessings.  The Lord is so merciful!!!!  Again, WHY do we ever doubt or complain?

Today--I woke up feeling very horribly, probably because I pushed myself last night but it was worth it.  Elder Sampson brightened my day by researching for me so much and he didn't have to--what a nice guy.  The Lord ALWAYS puts people in our paths during trials to let us know that He cares, He loves us, and it's ok!  Lift up your heads and rejoice.  This week I've loved studying in the scriptures like always but it caught me HOW many times in the scriptures does the counsel from an angel, or the voice of the Lord, etc tell us, and the people back then, to lift up our heads and then rejoice??!!!  It's true though!  When things are down or don't seem to go according to plan, or when we are burdened, we need to lift our heads up!  We need to look to heaven, chin up, and then rejoice!  There is so much we have to rejoice about!  When we realize that, we can, and will be filled with joy and patience in all afflictions and KNOW for a surety that though we might not understand the reasons for all trials, there is one, and when we trust in the Lord, He will lead us through.  He loves us and wants to help us.  His work and His glory is to help us reach eternal life and feel eternal joy!  He´s working for that, so shouldn't we help Him out in that process?!  We can choose to lift up our heads, look to heaven, and have Him take over the rest.  Trust in Him.  He will not lead us astray!

So today, we had a disheartening phone conversation with Azucena--the investigator whom we had the amazing experience with, and she has known for months and had so many signs and answers.  She said she wants to keep waiting to be baptized to receive money from her old late husband before getting married, etc.  Satan is such a piece and uses astute ways to get to them.  She had told us before, she didn't care about the money and we promised her the Lord would provide if she just fulfilled the Lord's commandments!  It's so clear and people don't understand!!  Hna O was SO ticked and mad and frustrated and sad.  I think this is her first experience like this and it's always disheartening when people use the wonderful two edged sword of agency to not choose eternal happiness and joy.  If they could only understand!!  She knows she isn't choosing the right--she told us--so WHY willfully rebel against God (as the scriptures say)?!!!!  Why not choose the Lord and the commandments and choose sacrifice to reap countless eternal blessings?  It's so clear. I'm trying really hard to help Hna O be okay, to help her be happy and get through this hard experience because I remember how hard this feels at the beginning. It's cuz we LOVE these people and we LOVE and understand the Gospel and want their eternal happiness.  But we can't do it for them!  But I also know that it's always a reason: I'm sick to test my faith, my comp's faith, and our investigator's faith to see if they really will stand on their own and want this badly enough.  Another trial of faith, but somehow, it's crazy that they don't affect me as much.  I'm so grateful and though they are always still a bit hard, I think it has to do with what Elder Washburn mentioned to me; that the work never gets easier, and areas continue to get harder, but somehow we don't feel that these things are harder, and we feel happier and it's because we are stronger.  We have grown inside and grown in so many ways thought impossible, that this work gets easier to deal with, to do, to LOVE, to joy in, and help others do the same!  It's eternal change, and I'm so grateful for that!  This change will affect us forever, our families forever, others´ families forever, and how blessed I am to be a small part of it.  (Alma 29:9 I think describes my feelings!!!)  maybe....haha I'm not great at exact references but ya pues! :)

I LOVE you all, I LOVE this Gospel, I LOVE being a missionary and am so grateful I'm here.  Thank you for your prayers--I pray for you constantly.  Give my love to everyone and remember to be happy, laugh, joke, and feel the joy this life was intended to bring!  A quote yesterday, I loved from the Mormon Messages was, ¨Men´s hearts fail them because they forget their identity and their purpose.¨ We are children of God.  Literally.  And He loves us so much!  Our purpose is to experience joy and become more like Him.  He will help us the whole way if we allow it.  So let´s do it! :)

Well, I have got to go, but I love you so much and hope you have an AMAZING week!  More details next week.

Love,
Hermana Bryan