Peaks and Valleys

Cristina's Baptism!!!

Hey family!

So I'm going to just start off with the happenings of the week.

Monday was Hna Vidrios' birthday (the new Mexican missionary I lived with when I was in Guayacanes) and we went out to Chilis to celebrate and she was so happy, and Hna Alvarez loved the food and was so surprised at how good Mexican food is, but then poor thing, had stomach pains for like 2 days cuz she's not used to anything remotely hot. hahaha

But Monday night we went to visit Cristina and Angela and their family (the less active mom who we have been strengthening, and her kids) and we went because the husband was supposed to be in town.  We went and what a miracle!!!  Angela had told us the Saturday before that she really had felt again that the church was true, that she was reminded of the feelings she felt as a girl when she was baptized, and that she felt the light and love again.  Her countenance has changed so much--what a blessing to be able to have been part of that!  Well the miracle was she had told us her husband was SUPER Catholic and probably wouldn't accept, but she wanted us to try, and we talked to him and he told us that he thought it was great what we had been teaching his family and that he wants to change and he committed to reading the BOM (Angela had read with him 3 chapters earlier that day and he didn't want to stop reading!) And he said when he left for his work travels, he would take the BOM with him and he said he was fine with his kids being baptized, etc.  What a MIRACLE because we were expecting much more of a fight!!!  Cristina was so excited because the whole time she kept whispering to me---tell him about my baptism, I want to get baptized, etc.

Tuesday we had a good District Meeting--it was pretty intense and I felt the Spirit a lot and recognized a lot I need to do better on.  Also Hna Orantes and her new companion were practicing and she stumbled and couldn't say anything and got super down and began to tear up, and I just saw in her face a look of, I'm so tired, I can't do this anymore, like she was losing herself.  Her comp then wasn't ok, etc etc.  She finally picked herself back up and beasted it at the end, but the environment was heavy as they ended and I could tell that, so I raised my hand and asked if I could say something.  I reminded them of what President and Elder Uceda always said---PLEASE mess up!  We are here to mess up!  It's how we learn-and to not get down when it happens, to trust in the Spirit when we don't know what to do, and open our mouths and testify when we can't think of anything else, to support our companions, etc.  Hna Orantes filled with light and smiles (like she usually looks like) and I just realized in that moment how much we miss each other, the Spirit we could always feel together, our unity, and that a lot of the companionships in the zone, or situations we have to fight, to not lose ourselves.

We celebrated Hna Vidrios' bday after, with cake, and I had made homemade salsa which was a hit! 

Wednesday I had to buy a new backpack---I thought mine would last hahaha but it didn't so I bought the only one that had a camelback thing and was going to last. We had just finished lunch and were waiting for the bus to pass by to take us to another part of our area when I looked over and saw someone waving their hands at me and walking towards us.  It was Fabian!!!!  He said he had spotted me from the bus he was on and immediately got off to come say hi and to come accompany us!  What a guy--I missed him and all the people I met in Francisco! While he was accompanying us, I felt this sadness come over me because I realized to myself that I am not the same.  I have lost part of myself, or it doesn't come out with my new comp or something.  He and I were remembering how happy and fun and awesome it was to do the mish work with Hna Jo, and he said we were a powerful team.  I still LOVE the work but it's not the same, and I am not the same, and it made me super sad and down because I want to be that same person; but with every comp we change and it's hard when we don't understand or share a lot of the same things---we are friends but it's not the same obviously, which makes me sad because with Hna Jo and Hna Orantes we really enjoyed our time in the streets together and made it a blast.  I know I can do the same and I am going to try and figure out how but....I think I also have to accept that things are and will be different.  That can be ok too.

So Wednesday we had one of the most INTENSE lessons I've ever had!  We went to Ronald and were determined to teach him Lesson 3 but SUPER directly and make the commitments super strongly, etc.  Well he felt the Spirit SO strongly because he kind of fell back and laughed, etc. and we didn't budge, and I testified as I have never testified before in the name of our Savior and gave promises that he would receive his answer if he accepted to be baptized on Saturday.  We testified a TON, shared the scriptures, by the Spirit, that he needed, and he felt it, and we promised, etc.  It was a way intense lesson with the Spirit ever present but Ronald still said he wasn't sure and didn't accept.  So....ya he isn't ready yet and won't progress right now.  At least we did literally ALL we could now for him and there is no doubt he knows and has felt it but is choosing not to right now.

We got out of that lesson late--at 8:30 and had originally planned to go to Cristina to set the date for her baptism for Saturday and talk to her mom and testify that her daughter will be ready, etc. but we had NO idea how we would go and be home in time because it's not close.  We went home and both felt ancy and couldn't sit still, and we called Angela to tell her we couldn't come and then she told us it was fine but they wouldn't be able to see us the next day and we were like oh no----she's not going to be baptized Saturday if we don't go---we could feel that SO strongly.  We got off the phone and both expressed that we felt like we had to go but then I was freaking out about the time and so I called the ZLs like 3 times and our DL as well to try and tell them what was going on and get permission but no one answered!  But we couldn't deny that feeling, so we bolted out of the door at like 8:40 at night and caught a taxi and rushed over to Cristina's! I was cracking up in the taxi like so surprised at that locura of what we were doing--knowing we never would break the rules like that but that we couldn't deny that feeling and not follow the impression, and at least we had tried to advise our leaders hahahaha I couldn't believe it!  So we get there, and have a short but wonderful lesson with them, testifying, and Cristina accepted, but more importantly, Angela finally recognized that her daughter had been changing and really did want it and accepted that Cristina would be baptized, and have her interview the next day, etc super quickly!  What a miracle again!  We bolted home in another taxi and ran up the stairs to like 13 missed calls! hahahaha I called Elder Falk and he said WHAT HAPPENED?!!  They were all freaked out and worried because we had called so many times and weren't there and that's not like us, etc.  He was surprised and happy when I told him what had happened and it was a huge adrenaline rush for us and we just felt blessed to have followed that impression.  I compared it like how Nephi broke the commandment to not kill, by killing Laban, but only because the Lord impressed upon him strongly to do it for their salvation :)  Crazy! haha

Thursday I woke up and was sick again.  Dizzy, lack of energy completely, etc.  I slept and slept and just felt horribly all day.  I got emotional while reading Mosiah 4:27 and D&C 15:6---that is so true!  I got up to go visit Cristina with our RS president who drove us, thank heavens!  And I just tried to trust in the Lord, as always!  

Friday I also woke up pretty dang sick and slept for hours even though I had slept.  I just had no energy.  We had to go to the office for Hna Alvarez and while we were there, the doorbell rang and two people entered from Manta!  The kid looked at me and said, "Hna Bryan what are you doing here?"  I said, "ME?? What are YOU doing here?!!"  Haha It was a ward missionary who has changed a ton (he never wanted to work with us really but now is Ward Mission Leader and preparing to serve a mission!)  He updated me on the people and members and happenings in Manta and that was a tender mercy.  The Lord has sent me memories of Manta a lot lately and I feel very grateful for that.  I still haven't lost the hope to go back :)   (Hna Angulo---Bachita fallecio hace 2 semanas---puede creerlo??!)

Friday was Cristina's interview and when she came out, she was SO happy!

Saturday we had medical appointments, and Hna Orantes was there for her appt and it was so great to be with her and feel that Spirit and unity and understanding more than anything again.  That is what lacks--understanding.  Anyway, afterwards, my comp and I had to have a very long comp talk and inventory and worked a lot of things out that we had needed to.  It's a fight to get along with some companions even when they are great people and want to serve--the clash of personalities or priorities and lack of consideration or understanding is strong sometimes, and the Lord is teaching me A LOT through this companionship of my weaknesses:  I need more charity, more patience, more humility, to serve more, and be more selfless.  Ya I have a lot to work on and just feel humbled all the time.

We then got to go to the Bishop's house for lunch and it was great to share with them.  He cracks me up--his dramatic yet hardworking awesome personality.  He doesn't even realize he is funny.  He told us that he had talked to Pres Amaya 2 days before and just thanked him for us and reported on the work we were doing and said we already had a baptism, etc.  I felt very grateful for that.  Saturday was CRISTINA'S BAPTISM!!!  She was so happy, Angela was SO happy, and the miracle of that day was that Allisson (her 8 year old sister) who is very mature and always told us though she liked this, she was Catholic and doing her first communion, etc was super touched during the baptism and leaned over and expressed to us her desires now to be baptized.  So we are working on that for this coming Saturday!  The Bishop stood up and the Spirit was so strong with what he shared.  He shared that it was really a miracle what was happening: for Angela who went inactive as a 9 year old girl to come back to her testimony and light, and then slowly see each one of her family members accept this and change their lives forever so they can be together forever--what a miracle!!  This week in my study I re-read Alma 31:34-35 and the conference Ensign mentions it as a less active rescue call.  That blew my mind!  I had always loved that scripture but as I realized what that scripture says again, and describes their desires to help their brethren feel the same feelings again, I felt the Spirit SO strongly and teared up, thinking of Angela and the miracle this has been.  Such a special feeling--it is a miracle to witness the re-activity of someone, and the miracle of the Gospel blessing her childrens' and family´s lives.  We are working hard with them and hope to baptize Allison on Saturday, and work on the husband every time he is in town!  I just feel so blessed to merely be an instrument in the Lord's hands as He fully realizes and does these miracles here.  Wow.

Also Elder Falk gave me a blessing on Saturday night, and it was exactly what I needed to hear.  He blessed me that I will have patience in this affliction and blessed me to have a calm spirit around me at all times (wow!) and then to know that this is for my good, and to NOT worry about my future or the effects--that I will have peace and know everything will be ok.  Exactly what I needed and I felt SO calm and at peace for the first time in a long time.  The Priesthood is so real and such a blessing.  As I was reading the conference Ensign, I read the Priesthood talks which were AMAZING and just felt something SO special.  All you Priesthood holders out there, I hope you realize what a privilege and what a blessing it is to hold that, and be God's hands and mouths and instruments! Please fulfill your duties and your callings and live worthily to exercise that power. It blesses our lives more than you know.

Sunday was great--we had meetings, helped the ward missionaries try and get excited about serving--we make them accompany us and contact, haha, but secretly I think they like it or appreciate it.  We had a great FHE with all the leaders and less active family, we found some good contacts, and a couple things the bishopric said touched me.  The counselor said, "Si, ustedes perseveran hasta el fin en el campo misional, veran milagros," and then said if not here, later on in life with our families, etc.  I have seen miracles and KNOW I will continue seeing the miracles of the mission throughout my whole life.

Also the bishop said while talking about the responsibilities of fathers and mothers in the Proclamation, "Proveer es proveer en TODO, y con todo!  Espiritual y fisicamente."  And it just hit me the importance of having a father and husband in the home who really provides NOT just the necessities of life with money etc, but the necessities spiritually--in the gospel--because THAT is what will truly fill our spirits and hearts, and help the children and everyone around us.  It's provide for all of that.  What a responsibility but what a blessing as well!

Well I have been very humbled by my weaknesses as a person, missionary, and human lately and this week.  I need to work on a LOT of things.  It's hard sometimes to find ourselves in the peaks and valleys spiritually and realize we have to pick ourselves up again, and reach what we once felt and were, but isn't that the point of life and the gospel?!  I re-read 2 Nephi 4 today and feel just like Nephi did.  I am flawed and feel sad and down about that, BUT I know in whom I trust.  I KNOW that the Lord is my support and will help lead me through.  I KNOW that He loves me, and that humbles me as well.  How merciful and loving is my Heavenly Father who loves us and wants us to be happy, despite our weaknesses.  I love Him and as such, try to be better.  I am grateful for that opportunity!!  What a blessing and miracle is it to have the Atonement, our Heavenly Father's love and light, and to be a missionary.

I love you!!!  Have a great week,

Hermana Bryan