This is How a Heart Breaks

Eduardo's Baptism!!!

Hola Familia!!!!

Welp lots of stuff that happened this week and tons of emotions going on but can I just say how much I LOVE being a missionary and serving a mission?!  Wow what a blessing.

Okay so on Tuesday, we had an AWESOME Zone Meeting with 3 trainings and can I just tell you HOW grateful I am for Elder Ayala and Elder Falk and their leadership and how much they follow the Spirit?  I learn so much and it's so edifying!  Awesome.  It was very encouraging to go to work and do it NOW and they talked about Brigham Young's call for the rescue party to leave NOW and rescue the suffering pioneers.  Also Elder Ayala made a beast observation in his study in the BOM.  

So Moroni was a beast of a captain, right?  One of the best ever.  And He was only 25 years old!!!  Alma 43:16-17 but HOW did he become so great so young, and what influenced him?  Elder Ayala thought of the age group which is key in the development of one's character, decisions, etc.  16 years old is usually that age.  So Elder Ayala looked at the years when Moroni would have had about 16 years and it describes the environment in which he lived: Alma 4:11.  Pretty tough and dangerous environment for people with great potential.  That was when Alma decided to give his powerful sermon of pure testimony and machete with love in Alma 5.  That was probably KEY in the conversion of Moroni.  It made us realize that the way we teach will affect the commitment and conversion of others and whether they accept or not.  Let's be like Alma so our converts can be like Moroni!  Awesome.

So then we were going to lessons and they fell through, so I had a thought to pass by a member's house (Kevin's aunt and cousins---who haven't served and we are gaining their confidence and trust and working with them, and it's been awesome!) and Hna Izquierdo (Kevin's aunt) opened the door and said, "Hermanas!!!  You fell from the heavens, we have friends over who want to know about the church!"  Wow the Lord blessed us with a reference and a new person immediately, and right when I had been feeling like we need new people and what had happened to getting references.  He loves us and blesses us so much. When we left, she said to her kids, and us that we are the best missionaries we know and not because we were there and she wanted to just be nice, but because she really feels it and said we are wonderful people and she sees all the new people coming every week to church, etc.  She loves us so much and I love her and her family, and it was such a tender mercy that situation!

Then later on we went to Douglas and Mayra and were talking about their marriage, etc etc and the situation got stressful and tense, and they were saying that maybe they should wait until August because they hate that others have to help pay for their marriage and they want to do it to feel the joy more, etc etc. Man it was a FIGHT with the Spirit in knowing what to say and fighting off opposition, but good always wins out in the end and through bearing loving sweet testimony, they remembered again and committed no matter what to getting married and baptized, and Douglas was just like, well if we have to do activities we will do them and we will do this!  It was so wonderful and I was SO grateful for the Lord's help.  Honestly at one point in the lesson I felt SO sad because I felt like we had lost it and didn't know what to do because I didn't want to force them and I understood how they would feel that way and I knew the only thing left to do was pray.  It was silent for a while and the whole time I was just praying SO hard in my mind, and then the Spirit helped us regain everything.  How grateful I am for the Lord's guidance.

Then we get home only to get a call from the bishopric saying they felt strongly that Eduardo shouldn't be baptized on Saturday and he should wait until the next week with his family, etc etc, and wouldn't accept that we, as the missionaries, had felt strongly exactly the opposite.  They exhorted us to consider their feelings and thoughts and I was just so confused.  I studied PME all night and prayed, and we prayed like a bunch of times for confirmations and were just nervous and confused but at the same time knew I should respect the bishop too, etc.  I didn't sleep much that night.

The next morning, Wednesday, we were still trying to figure out the answer and the Spirit and discern, and it was a fight, and finally I just called the ZLs to explain the situation and explain our feelings and the bishopric's feelings, etc.  They are awesome.  They said exactly what we had said and felt.  They prayed as well and felt as we did and gave us specific counsel and instructions on how to handle the bishopric when they ask us why and what we need to do with Douglas and Mayra to make sure they follow through, etc etc.  How GRATEFUL I was for worthy and supportive leaders and how much of a confirmation it was to me of what a stupor of thought feels like, how no one can receive revelation FOR us, and how we need to trust in the Spirit no matter how trustworthy other opinions appear.  Opposition comes from all sides and all people unfortunately!

Wednesday the Lord blessed us with 3 new investigators--brothers and one sister of an inactive step father.  The Lord prepares the way.  They accepted baptismal dates and though they are young, want this light and love and Spirit in their lives.  It's a hard family situation but we are working with them and know they will enjoy the blessings of the Gospel!  Peter, Maria Fernanda, and Jose. Dallin would LOVE Peter--he is a 10 year old crack up.

Also miracle that happened on Wednesday was Abraham Izquierdo (Kevin's 21 yr old cousin who didn't want to serve a mission) came and accompanied us!  We were there to pick up Kevin and Abraham was chilling and I was talking to them and we were all joking, and I told him to come with us and he kind of laughed and said no and I was like, come on and he then said he didn't have clothes and I told him it didn't matter, etc etc and he accepted with a grin and came!!  The deal he made with me was he would come to one lesson and that was it.  I accepted laughing and he came, ball cap and all, but he came!!!  THEN the real miracle was when he decided to walk forever with us to other visits and continue visiting with us and he shared his testimony, though shy and unsure, shared.  He was touched by his cousin's example and it was awesome that we gained his confidence and trust enough  to be friends and then help him come out and experience the joys of missionary work.  Slowly but surely this family will change--we know it!!

Thursday I was a bit down in the morning and realized that I completely understand Hna Angulo's feelings and tears when we were companions, and I didn't know why she felt that way when I saw we were doing things right, etc. How interesting it was, and a tender mercy that she had written me describing those feelings again that come with being older in the mission, etc.  It was a learning experience.
We had a GREAT comp inventory and she told me some amazing things and it made me so happy--our relationship and how I've helped her and vice versa! We've come a long way.

Thursday was hilarious also because we didn't have lunch, instead we had dinner.  The dad and brother both had to leave at different times during our meal and so we stayed with the mom and her daughters.  When they went to let us out of the house, they realized that both the Hermano and his son had taken the sets of keys and we were locked inside.  Oh my gosh it was hilarious and crazy!  We were trying to figure out how to climb up the huge posts and railings and on the roof and how to get down from there because we had a lesson with Douglas and Mayra!  FINALLY Kenny (our investigator and the son) came home and we ran out the door and up the mountain to Douglas and Mayra!  We got there SO late but the Spirit was with us and the Lord helped us to have short lessons and be on time still with all the things that happened!  hahaha

Friday I had been feeling all week the strong impression that we needed to visit Kevin's family, starting with his mom (they are all inactive except him) and she has always been really nice to us and loving and appreciative.  Friday it was SO strong so we rushed out the door and took a taxi to her house.  Kevin had told us that his mom is a caterer and is always crazy busy cooking in the mornings so we planned on going to help.  They let us in the door and we asked Sis Correa if we could help.  She asked if we really wanted to and we said yes and she said, "Hermanas you fell from the heavens.  I'm SO behind!!"  We got to help her and she opened up to us and Kevin later told me that it affected her and made her think about her own mission (she is a RM) and about her son serving, etc.

Friday Eduardo passed his interview and it was awesome being in his house and having Elder Falk and Elder Ayala accompany us and seeing them interact with all the kids there, etc.  How joyful is the mish!

Eduardo got baptized on Saturday!!!!  It was so great.  Elder Falk and Elder Osegueda wanted to be there and so I arranged for us to sing, and we sang "I Feel My Savior's Love" in Spanish and took turns singing and doing different combos, and the Spirit was so sweet and present, and Douglas and Mayra were so happy.  It was wonderful!!

Sunday we found out that the 3 kids, Peter, Jose, Maria Fernanda were going to come to church alone so we quickly went and passed by for them.  But that shows faith, right?!  3 kids.  We got there and saw Kevin's family come in too--they came!!!  Then, during Sac meeting, the Bishop had all the young people preparing to serve missions stand up and I knew immediately what was happening.  He announced that one of them had received his mission call and had Kevin and his mom come up to receive his mission call.  Half the ward started crying--that is the influence of this young man.  I was just beaming watching that and my eyes filled with tears and even more so watching them throughout sac meeting as he kept hugging his mom and putting his arm around her and comforting her.  How the emotions of all that came back to me all at once! Man.  He and his other cousin (David who we are also helping to leave on a mish) came and accompanied us until 6 when Kevin held a FHE for family and really close friends to share his mission call.  We met his dad (the inactive ex bishop) for the first time and his dad arranged for all of us to go around and share our feelings to Kevin and it was SO touching to hear everybody speak and the wonderful things spoken and see and hear the feelings of his cousins and aunts and uncles, etc.  I felt like I was a part of the family and that's really how we feel about them.
Kevin is going to: MEXICO LEON MISSION!!!!!  He leaves Oct 17.
It was a day filled with SO many emotions and when I got home, I was trying to figure out why I felt the way I did even after the fact, etc, or if I have done something wrong or why I was sad, etc.  I then realized what was going on.  I began writing in my journal and immediately started BAWLING.  I finished and then literally broke down bawling like I haven't done in over a year.  I think it hit me a part of what I will feel when I have to leave these people.  There are so many people who have impacted me and left footprints on my heart FOREVER and I love them SO much, with all I have.  They are my family and part of me. Leaving family and friends for the mish was hard and hurt and I was nervous (everything I felt last night) BUT I knew when I would come back, and that things would be the same and we would still enjoy each other's company.  The fact that I feel that way about these people so a part of my heart but know that it will be rare occasion I see them, broke my heart into a million pieces and it was a pain and hurt so profound.  Something I haven't felt in a very very very long time.  Much more so than transfers, etc.  Hna Alvarez was listening and we talked about it and man I just can't believe I'm leaving in less than 5 months.  I don't want to.  It hurts to think about that, and I love these people SO much.  So so so much. Sometimes it's such a curse developing such close relationships with people! But behind those strong and hard emotions or feelings are so many unforgettable memories.  That's what makes it worth it.  These wonderful people have eternally impacted and changed me, my life, my perspective, my heart.  How can I just leave them?  I woke up today and you know what's crazy?  I feel like I did a little before I left on the mission.  While I enjoyed and tried not to focus on it, al fondo there was always a perpetual nervous, sad, melancholy, heart breaking feeling. Man not cool!

Good thing I'm going to take advantage of EVERY SINGLE DAY.  I wish I would have recognized how fast the mission goes at the beginning.  It's such a crazy time warp in the mission and not ok with me how fast it's gone and is going.  I've been reading the Fourth Missionary talk again during personal study and it's changing my life.  Every time I read it I need something new and I love learning more Gospel truths.  How inspiring that talk is and motivating to become the Fourth Missionary--to maintain that level and turn our lives and minds and hearts and will over to our loving Heavenly Father who will mold us into something so much more amazing than we imagine.

What a miracle it is to be here.  What a blessing it is to be a representative of Jesus Christ, to feel the joy of sharing the Gospel, to feel the Spirit guide our every step, to learn from my Heavenly Father daily through study of His word, to understand the meaning of charity, to strive to be more like Christ, to pass and overcome challenges that strengthen us, to realize the fears I once had are gone, to change our natures, to help others gain eternal life, to focus everything on other people: loving them, helping them, praying for them, etc.  I love this work.

I know my Savior lives.  He loves us.  He helps us become more like Him.  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is not just another religion or church. It is the kingdom of God on the earth and it is true.  The Book of Mormon is true. President Monson is a prophet of God and the Lord has restored all truths once placed on the earth.  What an incredible blessing and miracle.  Please share this good news and take joy in the light of the Gospel and the love our Savior gives us!  I LOVE you!!!!!  

Love,
Hermana Bryan

Kevin's Mission Call