Another Week

Well family,

Happy New Year!  I didn´t get to see Año Viejo burnings but sure got to hear a lot of fireworks and noise outside while we were sleeping.  

I´ve been sick in bed for a week again--I thought I had passed that stage of my mission but apparently not!--and this week has been super hard (strike that--this whole change) but know that this all will pass.  

Eliana was super excited about her baptism on Tuesday and Wednesday and even had the whole thing programmed on Wed when I called her.  Then on Thursday changed her mind because of some friends and their influences and I called and talked to her and then called the Zone Leaders and they called her and set up to meet with her the following day (they are SO awesome and had already met with her because she´s been like this for a while--super timid and unsure and they are just so supportive especially because I was sick and couldn´t go).

Friday I had to go back to Tarqui and pack up all my things and move them to the house where we had been staying because for now I´m going to be staying with my comps in their area.  Friday the elders had an incredible lesson with Eliana and the Fmla Cruz and gave her a pamphlet to read and other advice and she was supposed to call me to tell me her decision.  I ended up calling her and staying up forever talking to her, animating her, giving her direct counsel, etc and she said she would let me know in the morning.

I told her we were planning on it and we would see her at her house in the morning.  She texted us at 6:50 in the morning saying she made her decision to not be baptized and knows at a future time she´ll feel more at ease, less nervous about this step in her life, etc.  I called her and the ZLs got super frustrated too because literally we ALL know she has her answer.  She has told us she has her answer!  But the key thing is that she has let her fear outweigh her faith and impede this huge step in her life.  They wanted to set up another interview with her--they never wanted to give up ever and she wasn´t even their investigator! But she didn´t meet with them.  This was super hard for me because I was sick all week and couldn´t meet with her, felt guilty and like it was my fault but then realized with the help of my leaders it wasn´t my fault, she had her answer and had it for months, she has chosen to use her agency and let her fear impede her faith and I can´t control that.  

I think I have realized that it´s hard to not see the fruit of your labors in your mission.  I haven´t and probably won´t during mine if it continues this way, and I have just come to accept and realize that I am the official planter of seeds here in the Guayaquil Ecuador Norte mission so that they will have rich soil to grow in for future years :)  It´s not a bad job right? haha  I tell you right now though that I have LOVED those seeds and people and given my all to try and make them grow.  I don´t have any regrets with any investigators and realize that it´s ok I haven´t seen results and might not.  Marianela and Gabriel made everything worth it--they are golden and fill my life with joy hearing from them and their plans firm and faithful in the Gospel!  That´s what it´s all about.  Serving, loving, crying, growing, and giving your all as Christ would do (or trying to because we all fall WAY short of being like our Savior) and then letting the rest get taken care of in the Lord´s time frame.

I received a letter from Logan´s trainer, Elder Washburn, and aside from the hilarious jokes he put in there--I started bawling towards the end.  Don´t tell him that though, Logan haha.  I started crying because he told me that he was sure that I´d had my fair share of trials in the mission--that all missionaries do and that I may not have seen the fruits of my labors as much as other people.  Wow.  But that the real way to measure success of a missionary is through their commitment to the Lord.  He then gave me 3 things of advice and Logan, you had a fabulous trainer because he is teaching me now!  Haha really though that was heaven sent.  Then I started laughing and bawling at the same time looking at the pic he gave me.  I miss my hero missionary so much!

So my fam already knows but I´m having kind of a rough time right now but I just know with all my heart that the Gospel is true and that Heavenly Father hears and answers my prayers and that He loves me.  When I have nobody and nothing else, I have Him and my prayers give me strength.  Also thank you all for your support and love and strength--they make all the difference to me as well.

Elder Hammer came over and he and Elder Muhun gave me a blessing on Thursday night.  That was heaven sent because he did it in English and it makes such a difference sometimes to hear your own language :)  He blessed me that I would be able to see the Lord´s hand in my life and that I would be able to be a shining light to the other missionaries I serve with,etc.  Those things really stood out to me and I felt the power of the priesthood--I know this church is true!  Also I know that was my Father in Heaven speaking to me because how often, family, do we talk about that specifc phrase--me seeing the Lord´s hand in my life?!!  It´s true.  I´ve seen His hand in my whole mission and need to see it out til the end and recognize His miracles in my life.  Especially during these hard times.

Well I hope you all had a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and have started your New Year´s resolutions!  For one I challenge you all to make a spiritual goal--something that is realistic that you can master this year to help you be more like Christ and reach the person you have the potential of becoming.  I have a long ways to go but will, like you, try to do that this year and every year that follows.  I know that Christ lives.  I know that He loves us infinitely.  I know that families can be together forever.  Strive to do all you can NOW to live with them forever!!  It´s worth it!  It will definitely be hard and require everything you have to give but I know that you will be blessed.  Something I thought this week was that perhaps I had proven to the Lord my faith and that I was willing to pass through many things during these few months.  Then when I got sick again I wondered why again and what else do I need to prove.  How dumb am I sometimes!  We are NEVER done proving to the Lord our faith and our willingness to follow Him and serve Him and give our all no matter the circumstances.  So keep on proving your faith, we all are in this together and the Lord loves you more than you can imagine!  The Book of Mormon is true--read it everyday!

I love you all SO much!!

Love,

Hermana Bryan