I Will Not Be Still

Hola Familia!!  I thought of you all so much during this week as it was Thanksgiving there and just a regular workday here but know that you were in my many reasons for why I´m grateful this year.  Thank you for all you do: your support, love, prayers, thoughts, etc.

Also I wanted to say a BIG sorry to the people who wrote me or sent me a package in the last 2 months because this week I got a package with letters from Sept and Oct that they never gave me and a package from the Owens for Halloween--thank you all SO much!  I will try to reply quickly :)

This week I´ve felt the Lord´s blessings in my life--they are always there!  I felt super blessed this week because both Hermana Martinez and I have felt that we have a ton more animo, energy, a good companionship, obedience, etc.

On Monday night we found the Hurtado family--all black family from Esmeraldas Ecuador and they have super fun personalities--remind me a bit of the Alcivar family haha.  They are cousins and brother-sisters living in the house alone because one of their moms died, their dad is in Esmeraldas and I´m not sure why the others are there but they live alone and have to be responsible.  They didn´t keep their commitment to go to church or pray but we felt good about them so we will keep trying!  

Also we started meeting with Eliana--a reference from a sister from a different ward who showed up with Eliana to church last week.  Eliana is so calm, nice and sensitive and the lesson we had with her was honestly one in which I felt the Spirit the most strongly I´ve felt in a lesson in SO long.  It was wonderful.  We feel blessed to know her.  She didn´t accept a baptismal date but we're working with her and know she can be ready so PLEASE pray that she will accept a date this week!  We´re praying for miracles here in Tarqui because we have zero baptismal dates, only 2 people progressing and not many investigators.  It´s kinda rough here right now but we´re always trying.

On Wednesday we had the INCREDIBLE opportunity to have Elder Uceda of the first Quorum of the 70 come and speak to us.  It´s hard to describe how incredible it was and how STRONGLY I felt the Spirit there.  I wanted to bawl and my heart literally felt it would burst--what a blessing it was to hear his counsel, testimony, and everything else he had to say.  It was marvelous.  He has a way of speaking and his voice is penetrating.  The message was superb--he focused a lot on serving with all our heart, mind, might, and strength and we totally analyzed what that means.  He also told us we need to constantly be checking our minds and re-focusing on the work.  That activity this week has helped me a lot--to constantly check and analyze my mind and focus on the investigators, the work, everything here I need to do.  Before he started, he asked us all to row by row come up and shake his hand and introduce ourselves.  Later he told us he likes doing that to see what kind of missionaries we are, to look in our eyes and see if he is able to see the love and light of the Savior through us.  He then wanted to tell us that he really could tell what kind of missionaries are here and wanted to express his love and gratitude for us and Pres Amaya publically.  Wow--good thing he didn´t tell us all that before we stood up to shake his hand haha!  His message and sweet testimony were marvelous and I feel so blessed to have been able to be so edified and walk away with motivation, determination and renewed everything: goals, desire, focus, love, Spirit, etc.

Also, I got to see and talk to Hermana Angulo!!!!  I didn´t even see her until a big blur was running at me and just completely embracing me.  And she began to cry and cry.  I was SO happy to see her too and I think it was so so good for both of us--a needed blessing--to be able to talk, share quick stories and impressions with each other, and recognize how much we missed each other.  What a blessing to have been best companions.  We really do have something special that other companionships don´t and it was such a mercy for both of us to see each other and share that again for a little while.

Wednesday, Marianela and Gabriel called our house.  Oops!  Gabriel apologized for calling but they were super concerned about my health and where I was, etc.  Poor things--they have no one to ask in Manta!  It was such a tender mercy to talk to them--How I LOVE them!

Thursday we searched for over an hour for the house we were going to have lunch at. Haha that was fun but when we arrived we were so happy--it was at the house of two super elderly and super cuuute ladies.  The food was absolutely delicious--turns out she cooks everything with US spices and stuff her sister sends her because she likes it better so that was kind of a little tender mercy for THanksgiving :)  We felt like we were at our grandma´s house.  

Friday was not my day--I fell twice on our visit to the mountain (once on the way up and once on the way down) and kind of messed up my knee--it´s not bad--just that it´s felt different and hurts a bit ever since.  I´m just praying it doesn´t have a lasting effect since many missionaries have knee problems here.  Also Friday night I encountered an experience that Elder Uceda warned us about as missionaries and I don´t want to go into details because it´s not necessary but the adversary is so sly and works in tricky ways that seem super innocent.  ALWAYS keep your guard up!  Wherever you are and whoever you are with--you can never be too careful.  Rely on the Lord always and resist all forms of temptation.  I have a testimony of that!

Saturday night I answered the phone at night and on the other line was a person who asked for me specifically.  Turned out to be Obispo Quimi from Manta!!!  Oops again.  haha I have no idea how he got the number but he told me they missed me tons, asked all about my health and asked when I was coming back.  Obviously Hermana Angulo didn´t explain super well haha.  He told me that Manta needed me and needed missionaries PRONTO! He then proceeded to tell me that Barrio Cordova has a TON of investigators right now who are going to church all on their own but that there is no one there to teach them! WHAT?!!! I was shocked and immediately humbled and I can´t even describe the feelings that filled my heart when he told me that.  How dare I ever have questioned or doubted the Lord. Heavenly Father is SO wise and everything happens for a reason. I now know that it was His will and for a specific, wise purpose that Manta had to have a 6 week break to prove their faith, have the people with real desires show up and have the ward rely on each other and help the investigators until missionaries arrive.  Obispo told me to tell Pres Amaya but I can´t do that!  Haha I can´t ask for a change so I told him he needed to call Pres Amaya. My whole heart and soul is bursting to know what is going to happen and I´m hoping he calls President but I also am so humbled and grateful to Heavenly Father for answering my prayers and for that miracle of taking care of the investigators in Manta.  I know I need to be okay with staying here if it´s the Lord´s will but I can´t help to wish with all my heart that somehow my heart's desires and righteous desires since the beginning of this transfer will be realized.  But I trust in the Lord!

Sunday we got to share the musical number Come Thou Fount (every area I´ve been in we have sung this haha) and I played the piano, a young adult accompanied on violin and Hna Martinez with 2 ward missionaries sang.  I love music!

Well this work is such a privilege and blessing.  I´m humbled every day by the Lord and His love and wise purposes.  He loves you!  He knows your needs and sometimes although we have to wait on the Lord, if we wait patiently and wait well, He will bless us always.  It is an eternal law and the Lord always keeps his promises.  I love you so so much and pray for you every day multiple times.  Be careful in all you do and rely on the Lord--He will take care of the rest if we do our parts!  I´m still praying for patience, charity, and striving to be better each day and just feel humbled that in all my weaknesses and mistakes, the Lord sees fit to help me learn and grow here in the mission.  Jesus Christ lives and He suffered for us.  If you are struggling, know that this won´t last forever!  Feel His love in your life to get you through and learn from every struggle.  I love you!!!

Love,

Hermana Bryan

I love these words of a song by Kenneth Cope--hence the title of my email.  I feel similarly.

love you!!

"I've never been the kind to testify--I don't have the words His truth deserves.  It's a simple thing He asks--a worthy heart and willing hands.  He says if I'll make the choice, He'll help me find my voice.  He calls me to serve and I cannot fail Him.  The one who has given me all l that I have.  I place my trust in Him alone, He knows the yearnings of my soul. Because He believes in me, I will go willingly.  How can I keep this gift to myself, when I can lift somebody else?  I am a witness of His miracles and His mercy.  I put my future in His hands knowing He's made me all I am.  When I put my faith in Him and truth begins to speak, His power is real.  It moves me until I will not be still.  Lifting the hands that hang down in sorrow.  Strengthening knees that bend in despair.  Reaching the hopeless hearts who do not know His love.  Seeing their lives begin to change.  I know I'll never be the same.  How can I keep this gift to myself, when I can lift somebody else?  I am a witness of His miracles and His mercy.  I put my future in His hands.  Knowing He's made me all I am.  When I put my faith in Him, the truth begins to speak.  His power is real.  I trust in His will.  I will not be still."

Don't Stop Believing!

Well family I love you SO much!  Haha I don´t have a ton to say today but just have lots of love for all of you family and friends.  HAPPY THANKSGIVING this week!!!

Tuesday we had our Zone meeting and one of our Zone leaders Elder Bushnel is exactly how ZLs should be!  He is just super smiley and wanting to motivate people and willing to do whatever it takes.  We had to wake up the Zone again and tell them to participate and act excited--they always look so dead in whatever Zone I´m in it seems like haha!  Also big news I couldn´t believe it--Elder Caal is following me.  He got transferred the same week I did and is in my district.  WHY. hahaha  his companion is Elder Flores from my group (we entered the same time) and this week we got to talk to him during baptismal interviews and wow I just feel blessed to know him and have contact with him.  He has so much light and love and in his quiet unassuming way, makes everyone feel comfortable, happy and laugh.  I want to be like that!  We should all strive to be like that!  He is 26 so knows what life is like and the opposite side of the spectrum being inactive and returning but shares that he has no doubts now.  Anyway we were so grateful to have had that light in our lives that day to motivate and uplift us.

I was served soup with chicken heart but took it out and put it in a napkin when the Hermana left because I really had no desire to try to eat that after being so sick for so long hahaha.

Wednesday we had Ward Counsel and at one point we were all busting up laughing and laughing talking about me sleeping on my first Sunday in their ward and their different jokes and commentaries and I gave it right back.  This ward is really ahead of the game.

Thursday the girls had their interviews and were so so happy and our DL was so excited after talking to them about how ready they were.  Thurs was kinda rough in having to push Hna Martinez--it's hard at times and frustrating but I´m accepting it.  I also let her know of my goal to not let go of my obedience and we made the goals from then to help each other be exactly obedient and when I mentioned that, I think she realized it too and ever since then, things have been a lot better.  Still a bit frustrating but she shared that she is aware of it, just struggling with how to handle and accept all the emotions she has finishing her mission.  Poor thing she is very unassuming, accepting, and relaxed.  She shows a lot of love to everyone here we visit.  I ´ve been really trying to work on patience, love, and happiness.  This area is HARD.  It is the hugest area of hermanas in the whole mission.  We have more territory to cover than many areas put together.  The sun is hotter than I ever even thought possible to feel here.  We walk forever and don´t avoid climbing mountains.  A few people have been sent home from problems with their knees that's how bad it is sometimes! So needless to say I am thoroughly exhausted every single day.  But I am trying to not let that affect my mood and attitude and especially patience.  It´s hard at times for all of us to overcome the natural man especially when our spirits are so willing and wanting to work and be happy and full of love and excitement etc.  But we can do it!

Saturday was the baptism of Jakeline and Alexandra.  It was so special and the ward members were so fellowshipping and welcoming and even performed a surprise musical number after we did!  It was so humbling because we combined with the elders of another ward who had scheduled a baptism at the same time. Thank heavens we did because not a single person showed up for their baptism--not even the bishop.  They wouldn´t have been able to do anything and the amazing woman who was baptized can barely walk--we all had to help her.  It was a tender mercy from the Lord for all of us and we felt SO sad and badly for the elders and the woman and that made us really realize how blessed we are. The Lord is so giving and I feel so undeserving at times.  The girls are so excited to be members, know the church is true, and just are full of light.

Sunday was hard for no real reason for me but I was pretty emotional.  We last minute got assigned to teach both hours of classes but during Sunday School we all shared experiences about the scriptures.  Hermana Martinez and her experience really touched me and also made me miss the people in Manta especially Soheil and his light and the fact that he has no way to progress right now.  However D&C really touched me and I KNOW the Lord provides.  We have to trust in Him fully, with all we have, and I know He has a plan for us.  Things will work out exactly as they should.  I feel so humbled to be here with all my faults and my weaknesses but am so grateful I have this chance to learn and grow. The Lord is incredible, loves us, loves YOU completely and knows of your needs.  Let Him help you.  Turn to Him and He will give you comfort, peace, and let you feel of His love.

I am so thankful for you, family and friends and your love and support in this season of gratitude.  Know I pray for you daily.  LOVE you!! 

Hermana Bryan 

A few scriptures to read: 3 Nephi 5:13 and D/C 78:17-18

The Refiner's Fire

Well family,

I can´t even begin writing this email without my eyes filling up with tears and my heart dying a little bit inside.  You can call me dramatic if you want haha but anyone who knows me knows how much I feel things :)  So I will start with this crazy week full of change.

Monday we were pretty much left alone to fend for ourselves and Hermana Angulo and I sat in a park and talked and talked and swung on the swings.  We could cry together, laugh, etc.  We got back to the house to 9 missed calls from the assistants and when I called them back, they informed me that I had transfers.  WHAT!  It´s the middle of the transfer and then they also told me that I would not be going back to Manta to pack my things but that Hermana Angulo with Hermana Martinez were to travel to Manta, pack my things, and return.  I was shaking and just accepted what the assistants said--it was like a bucket of completely ice cold water dumped on my head!  Hermana Angulo just grabbed me and let me bawl on her shoulder.  I cried and cried and then quickly wrote a few letters to send with Hermana Angulo.  I spent the rest of the day talking with Hermana Merida and she is the perfect person to have been with in that situation. We have similar personalities and she distracted me, we talked, etc.

The news was so so hard for me.  I felt and actually still feel like I have unfinished business in Manta and want to go back with all of my heart.  We finally had an amazing program with people progressing towards baptism, a ward who wanted to support us, etc.

I called Soheil to let him know and he was so so sad.  He just kept saying, NO! Hermana Bryan, no!  That´s it, I´m coming to Guayaquil then haha.  Marianela and Gabriel didn´t answer on Monday and I was just so sad and wondering if this was the reason I got sick.

Tuesday I woke up and felt like being asleep was better than reality--weird how it was kind of similar to how I felt before leaving on the mish--so many mixed emotions!  Hermana Merida and I talked and shared scriptures and stories, learned, and laughed together the whole morning.  She is wonderful!  It was truly a blessing to have her with me.  Then, the hermanas arrived and told me everything.  Hermana Angulo then was back and the other hermanas left again to their area.  Hermana Angulo was able to find every single person in their house to tell them the news, drop my letter off, etc. just in 1 hour!  She said that Soheil couldn´t smile.  He was so so sad.  Gabriel was the same and she said his face was so sad she wanted to give him a huge hug.  I guess on the way to the bus, she found Gonzalo (the man who was going to read one hour a day of the BOM) and that he got extremely sad.  He told her NO!  I´ve been reading every single day and have so many questions.  It killed her to leave him and it kills me that we have people ready like him just waiting in Manta!  I got to call Marianela and Gabriel and Gabriel was so so sad--he told me that this unexpected change was so so so hard for them.  They are used to us and he told me his daughter has been crying and asking everyday for me.  Then, Marianela got on the phone and was just crying.  She didn´t want to hang up the phone and like 4 times went to hang up and then started talking again.  Allisson was crying in the background and tried talking to me for a bit, etc.  I cried, gave them my love and told them how much I loved them and how much my heart was broken but how happy I was that they are strong in the light of Christ, and told them to maintain their strength, to maintain their goal for the temple, etc.  They are incredible!

I just felt so responsible for all of these seemingly bad changes becuase I got sick and just wanted to go back.  I know how hard this is for them and for me and how fast this change was!  My heart literally hurt so so much and Tuesday afternoon, I cried harder than I have cried in years probably.  I can´t remember the last time I was like that--it was bad.  Mom--don´t worry I put cucumbers on my eyes afterwards haha.  Luckily, Hermana Angulo and I could talk, cry, share experiences, remember, cry, etc.

I got all trunky for Manta at nighttime and looked at all my pictures of the mission and I need to tell you the feeling that came over me as I was doing so.  I can´t express to you exactly how strongly I felt but I just felt SO incredibly grateful for this experience to be in the mission.  Words can´t describe a mission but it is such a privilege.  SUCH a privilege and an opportunity of a lifetime.  If you have the opportunity to go on a mission, know how hard it is but KNOW that you won´t ever be able to do anything better in your life!  It´s so worth it--everything!  I felt so incredibly humbled to have known and loved and shared that love and joy of the gospel with Manta and my beloved people there.  Serving a mission is hard but I just can´t describe how much I felt gratitude to my Heavenly Father for this time that I´ve had and the wonderful experiences I´ve had thus far!

D&C 6:36 helped me a lot--read it!!  Trust in the Lord and doubt not.  I´m working on that always!

Wednesday we had our last day in the house to cook, learn, share experiences, etc.  We made a big dinner and ate outside and had fun because I had a feeling it would be our last night together as comps for me and Hermana Angulo.  I felt ups and down this day but only could have faith, hope, and trust in the Lord like always.  I thought being sick was a challenge but this change and transfer proved to be the challenge that hurt me the most and is the most hard to overcome.  But that´s how our challenges come!  And the Lord is preparing us for things ahead in our lives.  I need to plow in hope as Paul says and as I was listening to More by Kenneth Cope, the words hit me like never before that the Lord is requiring more and more of me every time and each time I think there is no more left to try or test, there is.  He requires our all!  There is more and more of me to give and He wants me to give of myself in my new area.  I know there is a reason for this and have to trust in the Lord it´s for something!  

They called to tell me that I would be staying here in this area with Hermana Martinez and Hermana Angulo would go to be with Hermana Merida.  The funny thing is that all 3 of them return home in 3 weeks.  Also, in 3 weeks 7 hermanas arrive and that leaves almost all of us with the responsibility to train.  Before I got sick, this area was going to be closed down in 3 weeks when Hermana Martinez leaves.  I was going to stay in Manta obviously, etc.  However, Manta right now is closed because we asked the assistants.  He said there aren´t enough hermanas so for now (these 3 weeks) or really all of this change since we´ve been here, there won´t be and haven´t been hermanas.  Hearing that news actually made Hermana Angulo and I laugh and smile and jump for joy because at that specific moment I felt like the Lord had answered my prayers and that in 3 weeks when Hermana Martinez leaves, this area will be closed and I will be able to train in Manta where I know the area and the people, etc.  It was such an incredible, joyous feeling!

BUT now that I´m here, I have no idea if that is true or if in 3 weeks or less I will be bringing my trainee to this area and figure it out with her as well since I don´t know the area well at all!  Anything is possible in the mission and I just pray every single night that the Lord can know of my good desires and know of my heart to serve with all my might wherever I am called but that if at all possible He can grant that miracle for me to return to Manta.  I don't feel like it is wrong to ask that because I know it is His will when all is said or done, but I feel like I've gone through so much this last month or so and it's only been harder and harder, and that if I give my all and accept this trial and learn from it, He can grant the desires of our hearts and perform miracles if it is His plan.  Anyway, I pray that can happen.  If so, man that will be super hard for my poor new hermana as well as me to figure everything out together as well as train!  But the Lord provides and we have to trust in Him!  We will find out in a few weeks!

The quote getting me through is by Pres Monson--"Fear not.  The future is as bright as your faith!"  So true!

My comp Hermana Martinez is from the campo in Paraguay and is convert of 5 years.  She´s great!  We aren´t super alike but she´s so accepting, loves everyone, super strong in strength emotionally, etc and just real.  She has been having a hard time staying focused even though she doesn´t want to go home! She´s trunky and it´s been hard for her to work etc but this change I think was meant for her.  Because I don´t know the area, she has to kind of step it up from before and I feel badly she has all the weight on her shoulders again, but I try to help with the people I have met and we are trying to work!  I just need to maintain my habit with Hermana Angulo of obedience and hard work and try to make sure we do everything we can.

We have two wonderful investigators who will be baptized this week--Jaquelin and Alexandra.  They live on the top of this mountain we have to climb everyday if we want to visit them or other members that live up there.  To be honest, I have no idea how the first missionaries even had the idea to look on that top of the mountain because it is crazy!  We are so winded every single time haha it´s literally a huge mountain but they are wonderful!  18 and 15 years old, so innocent and with great smiles, and their family is extremely extremely poor but they don´t let anything get them down.  Their situation is so so humbling and I feel privileged to be sharing time and love with them.  On top of the great hill also lives Moncerrate--a grandma of some members who has bone disease and can´t get married because of paper legal problems and so hasn´t been able to be baptized yet.  She wants to but because she can´t, accompanied the girls Jaquelin and Alexandra--her neighbors--down the mountain and on the buses to church and back.  I can´t tell you how much that meant to Hermana Martinez and how incredible that is.  If you could see the mountain and the struggles it is for us not to fall or slip going up and down and imagine an old woman with bone disease doing that to go to church when she can´t be baptized, you will understand. Incredible the faith and determination of these children of God!  The ward was so so accepting and welcoming of me yesterday and that meant a lot.  It´s still hard for me but I just try to forget myself and focus on the work and these people and I am trying to make myself feel that I am here and all of me is here and not in Manta!  The ward members are super strong here----Hermana Martinez says not compared to other areas---but they should have seen Manta.  They have tons of programs, classes, callings, etc and the missionaries only have to focus on teaching.  In Manta we had to do most everything and finally the ward was starting to help but it´s interesting to note the difference and even though the other missionaries don´t recognize it--they are blessed and stronger here!  

I can´t help but think that this 6 week break from missionaries has made Barrio Cordova in Manta reorganize some things and perhaps rely more on the strength of the members rather than us.  Maybe that was another reason for the change!  I have such a curious mind and am always thinking of possible reasons haha I will probably never know exactly but know that all these are little reasons and that the Lord knows all and will have everything go according to His will and plan!

Welp I´ve been out for 4 months and will be returning in 1 year and 3 weeks--that is so crazy to me.  Funny but I was praying while I was sick that they wouldn´t send me home.  As much as I miss all of you that it hurts sometimes, I have things to do here still and LOVE being a missionary!  It´s so hard emotionally and physically but man what a blessing it is to be here--I am always just so humbled.

President Monson has said that the Lord will shape the back to bear the burden placed upon it.  He is shaping mine and will shape yours--we just need to trust completely in Him and His purposes!

I love you all so so much and can´t tell you how grateful I am for you.  Please thank Uncle Jorge, Papa and Odie for their weekly emails and inspirational stories that uplift me so much, Alexa for her cute email, and Brooke.  I love you all and will write you! 

Love so much,

Hermana Bryan

Keep Moving Forward!

My "sick" face and the Cookies we Made!

Hola familia!!  

Well this week we thought would be different and we would be back in our areas working in the labor of the Lord!  BUT...He had something different in mind and I am still here in Guayaquil--though not as bad as before.  

Tuesday--I couldn´t take it any longer and sent a text message to our investigators and converts and it was a true miracle because like 10 minutes later, Marianela and Gabriel called and it was SO wonderful to hear their voices and their laughter and concern for us--they miss us tons!

THEN--Soheil called and he told us how concerned he had been for my health, that he had been reminded constantly of us and the kicker----HE HADN´T SMOKED OR DRANK IN 7 DAYS!!!!  What?!!!  Let me tell you that before, he has tried to quit and cut it down to one or two a day but that's the most he´s been able to and he hadn´t done any of that in one whole week since we hadn´t even been in Manta to see him!  That was a definite answer to our prayers and a direct confirmation that the Lord will take care of everything.  Also Marixa texted us back and said she had missed us and would wait our return--she´s so great! Even though I felt super sick this day--those bits of news and answers to prayers were miracles to us!

Wednesday--we waited for hours at the lab to bring my labs and exams in and then Hermana Angulo got really sick and we had to go to the emergency room for her!  It was ridiculous how sick we were this day and also how alone, down, and frustrated we felt with many situations.  I felt super down and had to rely on the Lord and prayer and then Hermana Martinez came in the room and it was a tender mercy to talk to her until late into the night.  She is a wonderful, humble, down to earth person from the campo in Paraguay!

Thursday--I felt good enough to study the Ensigns and scriptures like all day.  I never thought I would not get sick of studying church material all day but I literally felt a hunger and desire for the scriptures and the lessons we can learn from them and I LOVE feeling that way!  It´s incredible the difference it can make in your life and the whole new meaning the scriptures take in your life.  I also got to cook a bit and talk to Hermana Angulo who was way down.  I had lots of time to think, learn, reflect, and realize important things for me in my life and about others as well.  Humility and patience is so important!

Friday--I thought of Jess´s bday all day haha!  Not much was different about Friday other than one of the things I was thinking about struck me as interesting. The word for hope in Spanish is esperanza.  The verb that means to wait is esperar and a state of waiting is espera.  How closely related the words of hope and wait/waiting are in Spanish.  And how true that actually is--those two words and actions in our lives are intimately related.  When we have hope, we are waiting for things to be fulfilled in our lives with faith, optimism, etc.  When we wait, we need to have hope otherwise our wait might be in vain or we will go crazy or be super down the whole time and waste our time of waiting, instead of learning a lot while waiting with hope!  

Saturday--I trimmed Hermana Angulo´s hair which was an interesting experience but fun haha and we made lunch for us and Hermana Merida and Hermana Martinez.  After that I felt super sick and then felt way way down.  Satan has a way of making us feel badly when we want it the least.  It´s amazing how much comfort one can feel in true, heartfelt prayer and I learned so much this day personally.  I also had more tender mercies when Hermana Martinez came in and gave me a huge hug and told me how much she loved me and Hermana Merida came in and talked to me for a long long time.  It has been an absolute blessing to get to know those hermanas and a strength when we have needed it.  I also learned a TON this night and had been feeling pretty badly about some things personally and with our companionship with Hermana Angulo and really late at night I went out to where she was looking at the sky and we ended up talking for hours.  I learned so much about the importance of approaching things with understanding even when you don´t understand, approach things with love, pactience, and acceptance.  I learned through this experience that in reality in close relationships like marriage or mish companionships  hard challenges you both face can either bring you together or completely tear you apart.  I learned that it is important to handle these situations, communicate needs, and how we can help each other mutually instead of separately trying to maintain our strength. When we recognize that we are actually drifting apart in hard times, you need to talk, fix it, start again with determination to help each other even though you both are struggling, to lift each other, set goals personally and how to help each other, etc.  It´s amazing that the adversary tries to tell you to work things out separately because you have no more left to give to the other person and one of you has to be strong, etc.  The Lord´s way is so much better and in hard times, I testify if you work with your pair or spouse or best friend or companion or roommate and support each other, communicate, set goals, share the things you learn and are feeling, etc. then you both will be strengthened and edified and the adversary will have no power over you.  I was so glad I listened to the prompting to talk to her and figure out what had changed and that she had felt badly that she had no enthusiasm and felt like she had no more left to give to anyone including herself and we were able to communicate needs, feelings, strength, testimonies, and set goals to improve.  I literally felt married for a second and felt glad that I learned this lesson through experience of the importance in times of trial to go through it together!

Sunday--we were able to enjoy each other´s company, sleep, talk, share more experiences and try to overcome the world in our little house with our studies haha.  We were able to cook lunch for all 4 of us again and then went downstairs to a member´s house to beg their oven so I could make pumpkin chocolate chip cookies with the ingredients Mom sent me a while ago!  It was so great to bake for a teensy bit and share that with the other hermanas.  We played a game with all of us when they finished planning and then got word that they have to go to their other area for a while until further notice so we had to say goodbye to them this morning which was sad!

I got word of who my new companion supposedly will or was going to be and it is an Hermana from Honduras from my group!  Hermana Romero and she and I got along really great when we first got here--we both are excited to work together if we can ever go back to Manta haha.  No I have faith and hope that this week for real we can return and work.  This week has been a challenge and a blessing to learn so much and think and reflect a lot on things of the Gospel and we are so blessed to have the truth in our lives!  Also, challenges can be a blessing if we learn to have a crucible perspective--that we are being refined for something ahead in life.  If we can remember as President Monson said, that ¨The Lord will shape the back to bear the burden placed upon it,¨ then we can maintain that perspective and learn and grow.

Logan´s email inspired me SO much this last week and I really have the best brother in the whole world--the best missionary ever.  All of your emails and thoughts and prayers help me and lift me so much--thank you all!  Being on a mission is the hardest, most wonderful, best thing I´ve ever done and I feel so so humbled beyond belief to be here and have this growing experience.  We can never give more than the Lord blesses us with. 

I love what President Eyring said: ¨To be called to serve is a call to come to love the Master we serve.  It is a call to have our natures changed.¨

My nature is being changed.  I am humbled and feel so much love for my Savior and for this Gospel and for the opportunity I have to see the light of the truth and the Gospel and the love of the Atonement change people´s lives and hearts and marriages.  It is a miracle and we are part of this miracle!  Such a small part of it but the Lord can work through small, weak, humble means.  That´s how I feel and I hope that this week I can return to seeing those small miracles.  For now I am enjoying learning SO much about the Gospel and about myself personally and everyone around me.  I can´t desribe what I feel really or how much this Gospel and the mission means to me now.  I KNOW this is the truth.  I know that Heavenly Father answers our prayers and that there is a reason for everything in this life.  I know He has a plan for each one of us and sends us small miracles everyday.  Look for those and recognize those and most importantly, give thanks for those miracles!  Jesus Christ lives and He loves us so much.  Take upon yourselves His name, use His Atonement and share His light and love with everyone around you.  Thank you for your blessing in my life--I love you so much!  I´m praying for you everyday--thank you for your prayers for me.

Til next week with love!!

Hermana Kenna Bryan

Mom and Dad:  I hope you know how much I love you--I felt badly last week I couldn´t explain more--these comps are so dumb but Dad I did experess my desire to do the exams and did them so I am hoping for results!  I was sad to hear about Erin, your YW but loved your advice to her and know she will be blessed for her obedience.  CONNIE ROMERO!!!  Holy moly--what a blessing!  I started tearing up and loved loved loved hearing about her and your experiences with that--keep me updated.  Dad, I have loved your experiences with reading Divine Signatures and want to read it as soon as I´m back--it sounds incredible and I love the thought of looking at trials and experiences that way as well.  Signed by the Lord for us personally.  I loved Maggie´s mission experience--what a miracle--I cried.  Also I LOVED LOVED LOVED hearing about your man cookoff Dad and Dallin!  Hahahahahahahahahaha I laughed out loud and just smiled and smiled that I have the best, most funny, most awesome family in the whole world.  Way to go you beasts!  Mom, yes I got Ramon´s email from Papa and what a blessing and miracle!  Please let Papa and Odie know how much I love them and appreciate their emails to me and I will write them soon. Love you more than I can express!

Dallin:  I accept your short emails but don´t make them any shorter k? haha dang 9 pounds?? Please don't become a flipping stick you beast!  I need your personal training when I´m back.  Move up to Utah so we can live together and beast it up ok?  Also I´m so sorry about the dry socket--I really hope you are feeling better and it heals soon.  You are in my prayers always buddy.  Share your love of the Gospel with your friends and be the example of Christ I know you are.  You are the best 15 year old I know and I´m so blessed to have you as my brother and example and friend and hilarious dance machine.  Love you!

Logan:  Your emails have inspired me this week as I have read and reread your words and amazing expressions of your love of the Gospel and missionary work. How blessed and intelligent you are--you have a way of expressing yourself that is truly beautiful and the Spirit is SO strong in your words and emails--I can´t even imagine how much it permeates your investigators!!  I have been praying for you and Elder McKay this week a ton and somehow knew it would be challenging for you but that you would learn and grow and become more united and have the strength and energy to keep going.  I hope the snow doesn´t affect you guys too much--how is that?  Also what was up with the commentary of Elder Washburn and my address hmmm??? hahahahaha love you so much--you are in my prayers always.  You are my hero.